Friday, January 21, 2005

A Critical One

Someone got really angry with me today for being hypercritical with a colleague and flipping her out. Fortunately, she told me directly, clearly: "I'm mad at you" and told me why... and I had to admit I WAS incredibly critical and insensitive. I apologized and was forgiven -- and then given tools to "work on it."

My lame excuse was "At a normal job, you get to bitch with your co-workers." The answer back to that was "This isn't a normal job, you're working with people's Life Purposes and Life Lessons, and you don't get to be mean and critical."

I agree. I was out of line. And I am still shocked at how I didn't even notice it creeping up on me... that out of my frustration that I wasn't getting stuff to do "my work" I was shitting on everyone else. That's kinda icky... and even more horrifying to realize that you didn't see it at all.

So now I know how a Seven disintegrates to a perfectionistic and critical One. The fun-loving generalist 7 when under pressure goes ballistic about the most retarded details. Hmmmmm... I think I'll let THAT go.

And I DO get to have my feelings -- of frustration, disappointment, etc. But I was told now to be HAVE BOUNDARIES (i.e. "No, I'm not available to work on that in the morning") and I have to be DIRECT (as opposed to being passive-aggressive).

Boy, I've got a lot to learn. At least it was an emotional bloodbath... now I know how direct communications really works under duress.