Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Dialysis at Sea

At lunch just now I was excited to tell my parents that there are cruises that have dialysis centers in them, but mostly for people who do peritoneal dialysis, not hemodialysis like what I do.

"But, can you imagine! There's a whole cruise line for dialysis, it's called Dialysis at Sea--"


Wow... deflated.

"Thanks, Mom. Way to kill any kind of enthusiasm. What do you think, it's just a bunch of sick-ass people lying around getting dialysis on a boat? Forget it."

Sigh. I'm on my own here.

Monday, June 22, 2009

The Proposal

Cute movie... and funny, I actually believed Ryan Reynolds was a cool guy (as in "not a jerk").

Much of the movie was shot in Alaska... which was the second time Alaska came up for me today. I've been looking for SOME PLACE TO GO, and SOMETHING TO DO to veg out after this July 11th event of my parents.

Mom suggested Hawaii, "because if we go there, you won't have to pay for anything." I quite nicely told her the vacation was to get away FROM THEM. With a smile, of course.

Another friend came back from Mystic, CT and I looked at the blue water photos from the Inn at Mystic -- such a deal for midweek, but I'd have to haul ass across the country. Don't know if I have energy for that.

Mystic made me think of the water though -- and Lake Tahoe. Thought maybe it would be the right speed for me to go by myself for awhile -- a spa sounds incredible -- and maybe have a friend or two join me later after I decompress?

But then my Physician's Asst at dialysis today said there are cruises that have dialysis available on them: I looked up Dialysis at Sea and a cruise around Alaska came up in July! That might be the answer.

It just looks so peaceful and maybe a good place for an old single gal like me to take it easy. I'll let you know.

PS I had to double up on my anti-depressants today, and yes, it's getting that bad.

Happy Father's Day

After a great Father's Day lunch w/ Mom, Dad, my brother and his in laws, I uncharacteristically decided to go to the 6:00 pm mass.

Fortunately, the hymns were easy to sing, the church wasn't crowded, and the priest spoke clear English. Had a very calming effect on me.

At the end of the mass, Fr. Jim asked all the fathers to come up for a special blessing. Up they all went: 18-year-olds who barely have facial hair to hobbling black-haired old men with inch-long silver roots; they were white, black, Filipino, Indian, Mexican... they kept coming up, surrounding the altar, these fathers that we were to honor...

And I wept.

My body shook, overwhelmed by the humanity of it all -- these men who raised and loved us, made mistakes and made us strong -- walking up to be applauded and blessed. Although my dad wasn't there with me just then, the spirit of fatherhood took over me... generations past, generations to come...

How grateful I am for the fathers in my life: Dad and my brothers, grandfathers and godfathers who have left this plane, and fathers separated from and missing their children. What responsibility you've chosen to bear! May you always know how truly important, respected and loved you are.

Monday, June 01, 2009

All the Way

My dad has a Frank Sinatra CD in the car I use to go to dialysis every other morning at 5:30. Nowadays this is the song that's in my life and running through my head.

Ah, life.

[I wish I could find him singing the long version on video -- this is the short one.)

All the Way
(S. Cahn, J. Van Heusen)
[Recorded April 29, 1963, Los Angeles]

When somebody loves you
It's no good unless he loves you all the way
Happy to be near you
When you need someone to cheer you all the way

Taller than the tallest tree is
That's how it's got to feel
Deeper than the deep blue sea is
That's how deep it goes if it's real

When somebody needs you
It's no good unless he needs you all the way
Through the good or lean years
And for all the in-between years come what may

Who knows where the road will lead us
Only a fool would say
But if you'll let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you all the way all the way

[instrumental-last two lines of Chorus]

So, if you'll let me love you
It's for sure I'm gonna love you all the way all th