Monday, December 13, 2004

An honest talk with my mom

Dear classmates,

It's too late to be calling you any of you, but I had to get this out... IN THE MOMENT... as it's up.

My mother called today at 10:00 am. I wasn't here for her call, then it got too late call her back because I'm sick, I needed to get to bed. But she called at 12:24 am to know when I was coming home for Christmas because she "needed to get ready" and there was "a lot to do." Then I got "real" about not finishing my recital. I really stood my ground as my mother tried to shame/berate me re: not finishing school and threatening me with "your father won't be happy, you talk to him." I told her I didn't want to be spoken to like that, and if someone I knew were sick I'd ask them how they were instead of trying to figure out how and why they caught a cold.

She said Dad wouldn't like it if I went to Sacramento on Saturday for a graduation right after I got home on Friday. He would rather I just move in with them so they wouldn't have to pay two different expenses.

I said no. And that I would take care of my own money and my own life. Starting today. Especially since I had "no good reason" in their eyes to not be finished and could only sympathize with their frustration and disappointment.

That was a good 30-minute talk but there was no way My Nanny was gonna let me get beat up. No way. But I guess "someone" inside there couldn't stand it and I started to having a huge, uncontrollable coughing fit on the phone, worse than any today... and I actually threw up.

Vomited on the computer and on my clothes.

So obviously I had to go because I couldn't talk anymore. Nanny had to clean up and type.

This TL shit is no less than amazing. I might be sick in bed, but I AM NOT IN THE PIT. It'll all feels so different... and so quickly.

Any words of support with be so appreciated right now. I'm so angry and so sad -- and so ALIVE?! -- all at the same fucking time. How the hell does that work?

Thanks for listening~


Friday, December 10, 2004

Test (TESTY?) Weekend

I'm so damn tired all the time...

One more year of hand analysis come and gone... now let's see if I learned anything other than I'm too chicken to move forward with my life. Apparently I'm in the class for my own growth, not just to read hands. (Note sarcasm.)

Actually -- what the hell else is there? If The Apposta School Mission Statement is true...

"to support you in the process of rescuing your lost and abandoned Self, releasing you to manifest your Life's Purpose"

...then I've got a hell of a year ahead of me! Pluto has gone and done me in. I give up.

I'm completely insane and will be back after our weekend. Then there's Christmas hell. Oh joy!