Hot off the press and
I already know how feel, finally... I don't have to wait for HER2 retreat to begin and end this weekend. Because until last night, I was letting myself feel ANYTHING... until I watched this "Grey's Anatomy" last night, the aftermath after Derek's death.
All of a sudden I was Meredith, trying to survive without "my" him. And I couldn't stop weeping. It was hard to admit to Pam at Denny's when she asked me: "Do you love him?" because I was so pissed off at what I thought was an idiot move on his part, to try and leave me.
And "I don't want to live without you. Ever."
Yes, I'm an emotional drama queen... but now acknowledging how I feel freed me up to admit how hurt I am, instead of being the "strong" one. I can weep. I can grow. I can move.
As Joel says, quoting "The Tao of Steve" I must stay busy and "Be excellent." And most of all, of course, pray.