Sunday, July 20, 2008

Something's Coming

I don't know how to explain it, but something's happening, something's changing... already changed... Talked to today about work, skills, talents, money... purpose... future, fantasy, reality, men, boys, friends, jail and God...

Oh my. I need a steak.

Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!
Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!

Friday, July 18, 2008

A Timely Article

I don't usually post an article verbatim, but hey, when it speaks to ya... (And YES, that's a barong on a white guy and a brown bride... DON'T ASK.)


Change Your Luck In Love
A simple answer can shift your path

Source: California Psychics

If you've ever been in love with someone unavailable (or a string of someones) - like that guy who works 80 hours a week, that gal who's traveling all the time, that oh-so-mysterious "bad boy" with a drinking problem (oh yeah, and six girlfriends), or someone who's already married, then chances are you've sung the "all the good ones are taken" blues...

But if it's true that, "every relationship you have is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself" then perhaps it's really you who is the unavailable one. Gulp. Don't believe it? Crazy, you say? Why would you possibly want someone you can't have?

Ponder this...
By falling for partners that are just out of reach, you get to have the idea of being in a relationship and some of the benefits, without the potentially painful risks a full relationship requires. If you can't actually make a whole life with them, you can't ever lose that life, either - get it? But by having at least a partial relationship, you get to stave off the loneliness you might otherwise feel from having no relationship at all.

Part timers
Yet by seeing them sometimes, by getting some of their attention, you get this and many other side benefits - one of the biggest being the "you never know" factor (and sex!). You never know when you'll hear from them, you never know when you'll get to be with them, and you never know when you'll draw their attention next. This is part of what makes it such a thrill and feeling of accomplishment - heck, even victory - when you do. Sadly, this is much more exciting and rewarding to many people than the sweet security of a partner who is always there, always available, and offering their love on a regular, reliable basis.

Just an opinion?
Consider this: scientists have found in brain studies that it's more compelling to get something you want some of the time, than it is to get what you want all of the time. This is what's so thrilling and even addictive about gambling for many people - with every hand of cards or roll of the dice, there's a release of chemicals in the brain that creates a rush of excitement. You could win, or you could lose and it's that unpredictable potential of possibilities, again the pull of the "you never know" factor, that keeps gamblers coming back for more.

So perhaps the allure of the "just out of reach" lover is just that - they're out of reach. So, if you're hooked on someone you can't have, ask yourself: If you could have them, would you still want them? Do you really want them, or do you want the feeling of winning that comes with getting them? Because with over six billion people on the planet right now, we promise you, all the good ones are not taken. They just may not interest you. But waking up and admitting this to yourself is the first critical step in healing your real relationship - the one you have with yourself - so that you can move forward toward having the life, and the love life, you truly desire.

Carol Allen is the host of Enlightening Relationships on California Psychic's Karma Sol Radio, and author of the eBook, Love Is in the Stars which can be found at a website of the same name.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


I can't take crass talk anymore!
Not in emails, IMs, on the phone, in person... nowhere.

I don't know when that happened... but it finally hit me over the head yesterday:

It's ugly, it's gross, it's rude, classless and it's impolite.

It is NOT sexy or "hawt"-- it's not romantic and it DOESN'T turn me on, baby.

Mind you, I'm not talking about regular swearing. I can swear up a blue streak and have had a mouth like a sailor since high school.

And I'm not a prude either (and I'll leave that one right there).

But you know what? I don't know you. And some things are left for private moments for special people and not to be flung around lightly.

I don't know why I didn't get that until this late in my life... but that moment's here.

It makes me feel sleazy and whore-y -- and I won't stand for that anymore, it's not funny.

So cut it out.


Edited to add (after loving feedback from wonderful friends):

Now the real work is not judging myself for all of this.

It's like the veil has been lifted... and I see now how horribly I've thought of myself and let myself be treated all these years!

If I had a daughter I'd never stand for how I let myself be spoken to... who let me feel this way about myself, and let me believe that this self-talk and self-image was OKAY?

Well, the point is it's not anymore.

Monday, July 14, 2008

"Because of You" I Feel No Shame...

I don't know how I ran into these guys on YouTube... two Pilipinos now living, loving and making music in Australia. I've never heard this Keith Martin song -- I love it and Sigrid and Lee's sound. I'm hooked.

I've watched this a zillion times already... and I think I like it because I'm watching two Filipino faces -- warm, kind, happy, NORMAL -- happy and singing, especially Sigrid. She kinda reminds me of me... but sweeter (and I enjoy her!)...

That's all I got today.

Because of You

If ever you wondered if you touched my soul, yes you do.
Since I met you I'm not the same.
You bring life to everything I do.
Just the way you say hello.
With one touch I can't let go.
Never thought I'd fall in love with you.

Because of you my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you.

Sometimes I get lonely and all I gotta do is think of you.
You captured something inside of me.
You make all my dreams come true.
It's not enough that you love me for me.
You reached inside and touched me internally.
I love you best explains what I feel for you.

Because of you my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you. (2x)

The magic in your eyes, true love I can't deny.
When you hold me I just lose control.
I want you to know that I'm never letting go.
You mean so much to me, I want the world to see
It's because of you.

Because of you my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Best Thing About Me

Been a long time since I've taken a quiz... HAAHAHAHAH the answer is not surprising considering my Purpose is found on LEFT JUPITER (Live your Passions). And of course, gotta work that Lesson to have that Purpose.

And fortunately, I'm not a heroin addict.

In any case -- take this test! Leave me your result... I'd love to hear what you the best thing about YOU is :)

Your result for The Best Thing About You Test...


Hot! Passion is your greatest virtue

Passion is an intense emotion that compels feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything, and that often requires action. Get that? Requires action. It's very likely you submit to your deepest needs and live life with a flair few others achieve, but many envy. All 7 virtues are a part of you, but your passion runs deepest.

Passionate types: artists, writers, composers, athletes, and heroine addicts.

Your raw relative scores follow. 0% is low, and 100% is perfect, nearly impossible. Note that I pitted the virtues against each other, so in some way these are relative scores. It's impossible to score high on all of them, and a low score on one is just relatively low compared to the other virtues.


40% Compassion

33% Intelligence

25% Humility

44% Honesty

0% Discipline

29% Courage

75% Passion

Take The Best Thing About You Test at HelloQuizzy

Friday, July 11, 2008

"More Than You Know"

Ah, the late, late, lonely nights...

Loved this moment in The Fabulous Baker Boys -- great story, characters and especially soundtrack (Dave Grusin KICKS SOME SERIOUS BUTT.)

More than you know
More than you know
Man of my heart, I love you so
Lately I find you're on my mind
More than you know

Whether you're right
Whether you're wrong
Man of my heart, I'll string along
I need you so
More than you'll ever know

And yeah... it's more than he'll ever know. (see previous post)

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Deanna and Jesse sittin' in a tree...

So The Bachelorette, Deanna, picked the Wild Card (and Wild Man) in an "upset" to everyone but us die-hard romantics, Jesse.

This shit never ceases to make me weep.

The "other" guy, Jason, the one who didn't get picked but was just as in love with Deanna -- was at the "After The Final Rose" show too. He was given the opportunity to ask and say anything to her... and it was heartbreaking to see HURT written all over someone's face like that...

But he had dignity, self-respect, calm... and a generous heart. After all his questions to her were done... his final statement was: "Watching the show again backstage... You never looked at me the way you looked at Jesse."

Which brings me to YENTL, once again:

Look at how he looks at her
Will someone ever I look at me that way?
Full of all the feelings and the soft
Unspoken words that lovers say?

I thought that I knew ev'ry single
Look and sweet expression on his face,
Yet this is one that I don't recognize,
Although I've sat and studied him for hours.
But now I see how love completely occupies
A pair of' eyes...

See the way they gaze at her,
Like slaves they follow every where she goes.
Do my eyes forget themselves
And do I ever look at him
And smile in such a way
That what I'm feeling shows?
Sometimes I have the feeling
Everybody knows...

And even though it's crazy,
Still I can't help wondering
If I'll ever live to see the day
When by some miracle of miracles,
He'll turn around
And look at me that way.


I want to be in love. Like that -- no less.


Surprised? Yeah, me too. Don't you know I'm emotionally stuck at age 16?!?!?! Yup.

Last week I was given a heartfelt, loving "talkin' to" about what I do when it comes to relationships -- and mind you, this girlfriend has known me for over 20 years.

"You want to be married," she says. "I love you and I know you -- you want to be with one person, as much as you think you don't and fight it. You do. Trust me."

(Ick, my eyes are watering just remembering this conversation.)

"You pick completely unavailable men. Look at the ones you're 'with' right now: not one is completely available to you or appropriate for you at all."

Yes, I still bristle at the word "appropriate" too -- after all, who's to say who's "appropriate" really... no one truly knows except the two people that are in the relationship, right?!

Apparently one of those guys, the one I've really fallen for (I know, all you friends of mine are saying "you mean fallen for THIS TIME, Madley") -- is a completely "ridiculous" choice, and I'm pretty stupid -- yes, stupid -- to even be toying with the idea that he could ever fall in love with me.

S-T-U-P-I-D. And R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.

Wow. Harsh and to the point.

But you know what? I've never had my heart opened up so wide before in my life until this man... so I'm going to going to keep that emotional armor away for just a little bit longer and be wistful and longing and dream of love... and cry with more songs from Babs...

... because I like the way he makes me feel... about me, about my life, about my past, about the future...

... and I like remembering again that I even HAVE a real heart that still wants to be loved.

I'll think more about "appropriateness" another day... thank you, Scarlett O'Hara.

Edited to add Deanna and Jesse's website. Thanks M.B.!

Sunday, July 06, 2008


"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."

-- T. S. Eliot

Catherine and her Ice Cream Cone

Her Mom and Dad, Aunt and Uncle, cousins, sister and friend all came up to see "Wicked" but two-year-old Catherine was too young to go. So we watched an outdoor wedding at the Marriott and "toured" at Bonaventure Hotel and its 32-story outdoor elevators in her stroller for hours (whew!).

Eventually we did get a special treat -- ah, the simple pleasures!

Catherine in L.A.

Ice Cream at the Bonaventure Hotel

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Where the Hell is Matt?

Leave it to Prince Gomolvilas of Bamboo Nation to find ANOTHER wonderful video to make me cry. (Albeit, that's not a difficult feat.) Thanks, Prince!

Enjoy... I know you'll love it.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.