Saturday, June 16, 2012

You've Grown Up Since Last Time...

Last everything... last post, last man, last year. My responses to any stimuli NOW resembles that of a mature person, one who thinks before she speaks.

I think.

He did something that for a second time... the first time he did it, it upset and angered me so much I actually blew up and lost my temper. IN PUBLIC. To my CHOIR. Ugh. I was trying so hard to tamp it down, but my feelings were just oozing out of every pore... and got blurted out of my mouth.

How fucking embarrassing.

Then surprise, surprise... a month later, HE DID IT AGAIN. In public. Around HIS group of church folk. Nice.

But I know better. I smiled, I kissed hello. I sat down at the concert, I did my "marketing work", I escorted my parents off to their car, worked with the prayer group, pretended nothing was wrong.

He calls me this morning while he's off again with his playmate: "I'm busy, but just so you know I'm not ignoring you, I'll talk to you tonight after mass at party."

"Yes," I say. "We'll have time to talk." Which is pretty darn close to what Steve Harvey says is the worst thing women can say that make men quake (after "I'm pregnant."): I said, "We need to talk."

I hope he's shaking in his boots.

"I'm so surprised you did what you did -- again. Wow. I know we're not officially "anything" -- as you say, "I'm not married to anyone!" -- and yet you say that I'm special.

"Well that kind of behavior doesn't make me feel special at all. It makes me feel unimportant, and most of all DUPED. Secrets/surprises like last night SUCK and it doesn't make me want to be close to you at all. In any way.

"I'm not telling you what to do... you're a grown man, you can do what you want, single and free, right?

"I just won't tolerate that kind behavior... I don't trust you value me the way you say you do. Maybe that's not what you intended, you were trying to "protect" me... but that's what I got. That's it.

"I treat my pets better than how you "thought" of me last night, and I don't appreciate it. Maybe your other friends do... but I'm not playing anymore, I'M OUT OF THE DAMN SANDBOX.

"Right now, I hate you."