Monday, December 13, 2004

An honest talk with my mom

Dear classmates,

It's too late to be calling you any of you, but I had to get this out... IN THE MOMENT... as it's up.

My mother called today at 10:00 am. I wasn't here for her call, then it got too late call her back because I'm sick, I needed to get to bed. But she called at 12:24 am to know when I was coming home for Christmas because she "needed to get ready" and there was "a lot to do." Then I got "real" about not finishing my recital. I really stood my ground as my mother tried to shame/berate me re: not finishing school and threatening me with "your father won't be happy, you talk to him." I told her I didn't want to be spoken to like that, and if someone I knew were sick I'd ask them how they were instead of trying to figure out how and why they caught a cold.

She said Dad wouldn't like it if I went to Sacramento on Saturday for a graduation right after I got home on Friday. He would rather I just move in with them so they wouldn't have to pay two different expenses.

I said no. And that I would take care of my own money and my own life. Starting today. Especially since I had "no good reason" in their eyes to not be finished and could only sympathize with their frustration and disappointment.

That was a good 30-minute talk but there was no way My Nanny was gonna let me get beat up. No way. But I guess "someone" inside there couldn't stand it and I started to having a huge, uncontrollable coughing fit on the phone, worse than any today... and I actually threw up.

Vomited on the computer and on my clothes.

So obviously I had to go because I couldn't talk anymore. Nanny had to clean up and type.

This TL shit is no less than amazing. I might be sick in bed, but I AM NOT IN THE PIT. It'll all feels so different... and so quickly.

Any words of support with be so appreciated right now. I'm so angry and so sad -- and so ALIVE?! -- all at the same fucking time. How the hell does that work?

Thanks for listening~