Tuesday, June 21, 2005

"Full Moon Empty Arms"

moonMy mother would always say that whenever I'd point out there was a full moon. And I always hated it. She never explained if it was about her, or who she learned it from... but she it seemed like she was mocking me. Me and my empty arms.

I asked her once why she never tried to introduce me to a nice boy. She said, "Because you know better who you want." I always thought it was because she was ashamed of me.


I'm really feeling this full moon for some reason. Maybe because I'm studying astrology... or that I've finally given up the sleep fight.

TL got me this weekend about my sleep. My last bastion of rebellion hood... and I just cried. I tried to not be bratty, tried to stand up for my stupid vampire hours... but the truth is I feel awful with irregular hours. If I'm staying up (like now) it's because I overslept yesterday trying to make up for LACK of sleep. Now my day is off again.

Seems I'm always fighting myself with this damn sleep. So I promised I'd talk to my doctor about a really, really mild sleeping pill... and I hate it! I don't WANT to take a pill... it scares me, like I'll never wake up... and WHO AM I when I sleep with the rest of the world?!?

UGH. I'm getting weepy all over again.


And listening to West Side Story did it to me again... it's not often I let it get to me, but I think meeting good men these past few weeks... the longing for love -- my love -- is back and rearing its ugly head. It's awful to feel so alone.