Thursday, May 12, 2005

West Hollywood Tonics and Tea

I took my sorry flat arse to make-up writing class in Beverly Hills tonight, trying to get out of this writing funk I've been in for a week and a half or so. I usually hate to go to that side of that hill because I always feel like I have to look somewhat "hip" and "together" or at least have my hair washed and wearing a bra. HAHAH Obviously when I'm in Burbank/Glendale running errands errands I do neither — HAHA!

Anyhoo, go into this office building and think yikes, when's the last time I was in an OFFICE building? I just recently opened a new bank account and that was in a GROCERY STORE. LOL

Walk into class with a young, dressed down but hip married couple. There's are two gorgeous black women, the young one with beautiful braids and jewelry, the other a teeny bit older and just as pretty. Fortunately there are two folks I met in Pasadena when they were making up class and they say hi. Hi. I feel like crap. I wanna get out of here. This class is obviously full of real actors/writers and hip young Hollywood types, and I'm an old lady with gray hair I'm too cheap to dye and a fun new purple backpack on wheels.

I'm ancient and I feel gross. I'm surrounded by pretty people.

My first classes on the other side of the hill were at an Episcopalian church. All with wonderful women and I was the second YOUNGEST. And at this point in our lives, God had now bestowed us with ample breasts. My saggy ones felt very comfortable.

But I knew here it was gonna be hard to bring me out of the dumpster. Fortunately, the one consistent factor was my teacher, Terrie. THANK GOD!

She made me check in instead of going straight into the reading so I could bitch and moan about not having fun/discipline/self-worth to continue, but someone told me to just show up... and already I'm thinking I feel better already. I'd given feedback to people who'd gone before, but I knew they still didn't know me yet, so who knows if they heard it or not.

Blasted away, I just read something I wrote April 24. A RANT about having Jupiter Mate Selectors in my hands and how I surround myself with Jupiterian type folks so I don't have to look at my own Power, Passion and Confidence...

WHOA, it was better than I thought, and I felt pretty okay as I read it. Afterwards I got to answer a barrage of quick questions (so I don't overthink) and the bottom line was I fucking outed myself as to what my "dream" was. TO DIRECT FILMS.

Yikes, it still feels weird to say that, but it's great to get that shit out there. More later.