Monday, August 04, 2008

What Kind of Girl Am I?

[Apologies in advance to songwriters and Leslie Bricusse and Anthony Newley, in case I completely rip this song apart... I had to read my own rules again because I'm so tempted to just post a YouTube video of Filipina sensation Regine Velasquez singing her signature song... but hey, I'm rushing to make the midnight deadline, so I might as well get this right too. ]

So that was the big question looming over me today, as I finally left the house to run some errands and got behind the wheel. Tom Leykis was on the radio.

Yeah, yeah, before you bust my chops for listening to such a... a radio host... (!) hang on there with me. The Boy/Pup put it on while I was driving once, which is okay, because I actually like it when people play what they want in my car, it introduces me to new things. I was not ready for Tom Leykis, but it sure made me understand The Pup.

Samples of LEYKIS 101:

* Never spend a lot of money impressing her on the first date
* Stop seeing her if you don't get laid by the third date
* Never date single mothers

But the three I remember most:

* Never have a sex with a woman without a condom, no matter what she says because anyone no matter who has sex without birth control wants to get pregnant. And just having an orgasm isn't worth that.

* Some women are crazy... you meet them after one night, you bang 'em and suddenly you're their obsession, they jam up you up with calls and emails and texts and they LOVE you. And if a guy is a pussy, he'll just go along with it: "Um, I love you, too?" Come on guys... it's not worth it!

* Getting married is good for the girl -- shitty for the guy. Don't do it.


So why am I bothered by all this? Because... I'm recognizing my own stupid-ass behavior in some of these women. And I feel like a complete retard when it comes this stuff. Sorry, it's not very PC, but you kinda talk slum-y to the slum-y... and that's where I'm at.

I was actually a bit... moved?... this afternoon -- so much so that I almost called that damn radio show to THANK TOM LEYKIS for making me see myself -- and swearing never again to be that icky, needy, plotting, desperate woman that he and his listeners so often fall prey to.

I would've called as one of my many female aliases (oh come on, I know you have aliases too -- I only use the male ones for online stuff where I don't have to use a voice) and I would've been the woman that every other woman HATES, but all the locker room jocks and piggish couch potatoes go, "YEAH! RIGHT ON!"

But I couldn't risk The Pup hearing me and my story after OUR first night... eeee gads. Talk about GOOEY.

Anyway, I'm not using this post to beat myself up... really, don't worry, I'm not! Things are just so malleable in my life right now -- and yeah, I'm missing Brad right now as we speak. The question just begs to be asked today: What Kind of Woman Do I Want to Be?

Why can't I fall in love like any other girl?
Maybe then I'll now what kind of fool I am.

No answers tonight. Just the question.