Making My Bed

In the last 12 days, I have slept in my own bed for exactly TWO NIGHTS. No, I'm not THAT much of a sl*t -- eight of those days I was up north at my folks' house. But now I've developed this wonderful habit of spending the night at any of my dear friends' places so I don't drive home half-cocked (!?!). I usually wake up by 4:00 or 4:30, then sneak out to enjoy the quiet of the night before dawn strikes.

Kinda weird -- for being someone whose had some major insomniac issues a few years ago (I'm blessed that I can sleep now at all), I still haven't made my home -- specifically my bedroom and my bed -- the "paradise" that everyone says it should be so I can experience real comfort and rest.

I HATE MY BEDROOM.

It's a comfortable bed... but that's it. I might as well be sleeping in an Army cot, I avoid it like the plague. As a matter of fact... I have crappy "sleep hygiene" -- no routine at all -- pretty much don't go to bed til I'm about to pass out, read for about 10 minutes and pass out in the book with the light on. Hm...

Wonder what I'm afraid of?

Natch, I'll think about it tomorrow. I need to take a nap.

Taxicab Confessions

"If something doesn't turn me on, then it just makes me laugh. How can I go wrong?"

Somehow that statement told to a cab driver by a late-to-the-game dominatrix struck me as a terrific -- and familiar -- life philosophy. I need to remember that these days! My life looks easy going but the continuous STRESS is under the surface but running as hot and deep as magma in a volcano...

Breathe, girl, breathe...

My sleep is completely backwards again -- and while I hate it, I still feel pretty powerless to work on it... that's what happens when you miss a few of your hynotherapist sessions I guess.

Yesterday I did a lot of "checking off" of chores on my list before my monthly writing class (that I'm really behind on...) and put my head down for a few minutes before getting ready... and woke up and hour-and-a-half into class. OH SHIT. I guess I just didn't want to face up to the fact that I'm just BEHIND ON EVERYTHING -- and of course, missing class just makes me more behind and feeling guilty to boot. UGH.

How can one possibly passive-aggressive with MYSELF?

I at least hooked up my piano/computer gizmo and am pushing myself to finish a "rush" song for a collaborator of mine. We talked about in July... but KABOOM, now there's a chance someone can sing it for a Christmas cabaret and we need the demo SATURDAY. Good god!

Fortunately it only took me about an hour to get a decent intro the other night while I waited for him to show up at school... but now I'm a bit stuck, you know, that Perfectionist trait in me and all. But I'm trying to push through that and just get FRICKIN' PROLIFIC. There are more songs where that came from, right?

But the outline for the musical is coming SLOW. Act I feels good -- rough but good. Act II? Oh god... how is this thing gonna END? Is it EVER going to end? Am I ever going to get everything I need to say in this musical on paper, ever? Shit. I just gotta remember I need to say what I need to say NOW. There are more PLAYS where that came from too...

It's 7:49 a.m and I can't decide whether to keep working or lie down... no keep working, I'm not that tired. I can't stand lying in bed wiaitng to fall asleep... I guess I subconsciously LIKE to pass out at the computer...?

Breathe...

Drink

I've had a little more than a half bottle of white wine on an empty stomach at a friend's house who is going to play Macbeth in in a show this fall -- how cool is that, how many people actually can say they know a Macbeth/Hamlet?!) and it's the first time I'm blogging "under the influence." I wish I had enough money/time/gas/sobriety to go to the Thai restaurant that Prince G. was talking about here -- but fortunately for the CHP and the Burbank P.D., I'm safely at home and can only do damage as I type. Man, I'm hungry!

Life has been really full this weekend -- event/appt after event/appt -- so much so, I've actually been SLEEPY and overwhelmed. I wish the wonderful hypnotherapist I've been seeing could only know the success he's/we've made in this (sleep) regard!

Just bulleting because I feel like I'm gonna LOSE it -- and the Scott Baio show comes on in 50 minutes:

* Saw "The Bourne Ultimatum" last night with Jeffrey at the Arclight -- we had dinner there too. I LOVE THAT THEATRE -- you get assigned seats so there's no line-waiting, and though there are previews (YAY!), there are no COMMERICALS.

* I also LOVE that movie. For all the fab car chases and fighting... it was all worth it. The "Ultimatum" only stands there as INTENSE as the "choice" of "Sophie's Choice" -- the quiet core of the film. SO F*CKING WORTH IT -- go spend that $$ NOW on Matt Damon -- I mean it: N.O.W.!

* I also LOVE that theatre because -- well that was the first time I'd been there at a 7:50 show on a Saturday night -- and I was so comfortable because Kathy Griffin's gays were there! HAHHA Actually, what I told Jeffrey was it felt so comfortable... it really was the hotspot to see a film... and if I was a straight man... well, it would take a very comfortable-with-himself straight man to hang out there! So many wonderful gay men there... was so... COMFORTABLE! I keep going back to the word "comfortable." It really is THE PLACE to see a film.

* Why the hell is it spelled "theatre" as opposed to "theatER" What's the difference and the correct usage? I just want to be "correct" about it... because I really have no idea, and I think I better figure it out if I'm gonna be workin' in it.

* Was the "audition monitor" for the Perfomance workshop at ANMT Saturday -- wow, how fun is that to hear people auditioning on THIS side of the table. (Okay, so I was looking to get a head start on the talent coming through... SSH!)

* I babysat today and it was a big YOUTUBE adventure with my charge. She's really loving "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, so we watched the recording of it with Lea Salonga and Brad Kane over and over. (Someday I'll write a whole entry about Lea... she's one of those BALINGKINITAN (slender/pretty) girls that I've ALWAYS been jealous of growing up... and the fact that she's a soprano just about tops it for me... anyway, another day, another blog post.

But here's the video:



One story about "A Whole New World" -- when it first came out I showed the song from the video to a friend of mine who had a five-year-old and three-year-old and had been married for about six or seven years. She was in town from Holland -- and as soon as it was over said:

"Do you REALLY think it's like that? All love and adventure?! It's not like that. Marriage isn't like that at all."

I've never forgotten that... but I'll also never stop hoping it is.

Oops... timer's on. Time for Scott Baio on VH1!