A "Viv Sandwich"

Cecilia took this picture at our lunch break during hand class at Thai Dishes last week. The four of us are third-year students -- and yes, lunch is quite the respite as we stuff the hand analysis and enneagram information into our already saturated brains during the weekend.

This picture reminds of me a few months ago when I started having lunch with the two Vivs. First, of all I've never known a Vivian in my life, and now I know two -- that's kind of strange. So I teased, saying: "I'm in a Viv sandwich!" To which Viv C. said, "No, that's not right, you don't name a sandwich after the bread, you name it the stuff inside."

So I stand corrected -- when we lunch, we go as "A Mad Sandwich" instead.

Saturday Six

Before I get taken out to see "Finding Neverland" (YAY!) on this drizzly and uncharacteristic LA day, I've got some questions (and answers) for you all :) I got these from Patrick's Place: (He asks for a link back to him, so all can play. :)

1. How long do your Thanksgiving leftovers usually last, and at what's the first non-Thanksgiving item you begin to crave when you tire of turkey?
2. Of the following, which would you most prefer to be located:
a) Interstate highway traffic jam
b) Slow-moving checkout line
c) Dentist's chair
3. What is at the top of your personal Christmas gift wish list this year?
4. What improvement would you most like to see added to AOL's Journal software?
5. What seasonal movies do you most look forward to this time of year?
6. READER'S CHOICE QUESTION #33 from Tara: What is your favorite classic 80's video game?

Madley's answers:

1. One day. I'm usually a guest at someone's house and if offered leftovers I only bring a little bit back. Unless they're Filipino, of course, and then I bring my own Gladware. The next day I'm craving me some steak and rice (when did I become a big Texan?).
2. Dentist chair -- there's an agenda, a finite end and wonderfully clean teeth at the end!
3. Gift Certificate (to buy a digital camera).
4. N/A
5. "A Charlie Brown Christmas." And if I can find it, "The Gift of Love" by O. Henry w/ Marie Osmond (yes, I'm a big Marie fan -- see hairdo below).


Me and Mike, minutes before being crowned First Homecoming Princess.
I LOVE TIARAS! And yes, it's 1977.

6. Pac Man? I was/still am a SPAZ when it comes to video games. They don't make sense to me. Once I went to one of those Virtual Reality arcades and the poor attendant spent the whole time we were racing trying to get me out of spinning in one spot. Word games are more my speed.

What say you?

PS. Saw "Sideways" yesterday -- a fine slice-of-life film. Loved the soundtrack -- and it sure made me want to learn more about wine! (Thanks for the recommendation, Answer Girl!)

"Come Saturday Morning..."

Come Saturday Morning
The Sandpipers
Words by Dory Previn and Music by Fred Carlin

Peak chart position # 17 in 1970
Featured on the soundtrack of the film "The Sterile Cuckoo" starring Liza Minnelli

Come Saturday morning
I'm goin' away with my friend
We'll Saturday-spend till the end of the day-ay
Just I and my friend
We'll travel for miles in our Saturday smiles
And then we'll move on
But we will remember long after Saturday's gone

I was 10 when that song came out and I loved it -- a really "pretty" song, soft men's voices, a lilting 3/4 beat. I've never seen The Sterile Cuckoo... doesn't sound very promising if you're going by the title. And it has Liza with a Z in it -- hey, how is it she gets two mentions in my blog and I don't even like her? (Although I will agree with Hope -- she probably IS the definitive Cabaret star... looks like I'll need to see that too).

Anyhoo, I'm up early this morning, answering phone calls, printing out shit for people, picking people up -- and I'm just a little bit annoyed that I'm not having my own sweet little Saturday morning to do what I love -- mess around on the computer and read my blog buds! AARGH... how do I get myself into this crap?!?! Still haven't figured out the balance yet... but I supposed the fact that I know I'm annoyed is a good start. DAMN WATER HEART LINES!

A couple of things to do and I'm having my own damn Saturday morning, even if it IS Saturday afternoon.

I'm in HELL... where are you?

A cornucopia of interruptions tonight (just for Thanksgiving!)... phone calls, a visitor... now I'm too sleepy to have my blogathon night! I guess I should be happy to fall asleep early, since this 7:30 am business is making me nuts.

So in the meantime, join me in HELL. (I love Dante's Inferno and am not surprised at all to be stuck with the GLUTTONS -- that's the vice of Enneagram #7 too (no coincidence), but I scored pretty high on Levels 8 and 9 -- that's a little scary. (Old me, I swear --> oops more for the cussing circle...)

Some other day I'll yak about my REAL idea of hell... this is just for play. :)

===

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Back to my blogs :)

I'm a bit possessive and a lot loyal to the blogging folks I read and have felt very negligent the last few days. So tonight, after I eat this wonderful salmon stuffed with cous cous and dill and fresh green beans w/ ton o' butter (all courtesy of Trader Joes, of course -- I don't cook, I do dishes -- and boy, they're gonna love me tomorrow!)... I'm declaring this evening Back to Blog Night. I worked hard today, I'm rested, I'll be fed, I don't have to go to Thanksgiving dinner until 2:00 and I don't have to bring anything so I can read and write all night! YAHOOEY!

Sometime life is just so simple.

Girlfriends with Boyfriends

I’m a bit bent out shape right now – wide-awake after a very ill-timed nap. But at least I made it from 7:30 am to 7:00 pm fairly energetically (a normal person’s schedule!) – except for the drive back to the valley. I don’t know how I GOT home, as I was too sleepy to remember. Boy, do I hate that.

Today, we started planning the next year at The Apposta School, and we were about checking in, catching up, a little bit o’ gossip and all around girly-bonding. It was lovely. I told the ladies that on the way to lunch I had mentioned to a fellow classmate that TL didn’t have “relationship” on her radar for us… that what’s on our plates for our fourth year is has to be our top priority.

Well, TL blew a gasket! (Not really, but you get it.) “How could you not think that I haven’t been holding that for you – there’s nothing more I want for you (and the other student) to each have an intimate, sexual relationship! It’s the best way for your issues to come up and be dealt with.”

“I’m sorry, TL, you just never mentioned that, so I stopped thinking about it. You know, I still have to get off my mother’s tit and clean my house first.”

“Yes, you do. And I’m holding “relationship” for you because if we actually started to even talk about it – YOU WOULD FALL OUT. You’re not ready to even get near that topic – do you think you can just go out there and get a date right now?”

(I’m sure I grimaced or something equally as transparent.)

“See? I’m holding something for all of you that I haven’t told you yet because you’re not ready to deal with it.”

We all start to panic a little, and I tell her that contrary to my regular desire for full disclosure, she can just keep on holding “that” – whatever it is. I just like the feeling of someone having my best interests at heart when I can’t do it myself.

So I think that is what my funky feeling must be now. I’m all twisted about “relationship” – I thought I was in charge of it, and apparently I’m not! And now that Guiding Light has a boyfriend and isn’t there for me (and us as a team) 150% like she usually is… I’m REALLY feeling out of sorts. Of course, she’s the most polite thing about it all… and I actually call her tonight like our night talk fest and she’s home brushing her teeth.

“Ah,” I say, “you must be staying home tonight.”

“I am,” she says. “But not alone.”

So we talk for another few minutes – then, “Mad…”

“He’s here?”

“He’s here.”

“Okay, well, tell him hi. See you tomorrow.”

I wish no ill will on girlfriends who get/have boyfriends. I’m not even jealous (see how I can’t even BROACH the subject?). But it’s like that ripple effect saying… when one person changes, there’s a ripple effect in the world and we all have to adjust. I hate that I have to adjust at all.

Or maybe it’s the whole “relationship thing” really DOES have me tweaked out. Probably.

I'm glad my teacher can "hold it for me" right now. I need that.

The Air Witch Project

You are an air witch. You're very intelligent and
draw your power from the air. Thin and small in
appearance, you're full of insight and
vitality. You probably wish to travel the
world.. and to fly. Your powers of
visualization and invisibility make you a great
observer, thinker and sometimes artist. Your
spirit moves as the wind, giving life to all.


What kind of 'witch' are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

===

I used to take these quizzes to find out "who I was" -- now it's to confirm "who I am." That's nice -- I must be getting older, growin' up. Or something like that.

Dishpan Hands

Just got back 40 minutes ago (12:05 AM) from TL's regular party after weekend Hand Class -- so tired... drove, set up, class, party, the game Celebrity, and clean up, drove home.

I jumped in on the dishwashing and all I could think about was Hope's entry about being a guest and doing dishes -- and what a control freak I am (read her comments)! Huzzah, Hope... dishes will never be the same again. :)

Must sleep -- have 8:00 am appt tomorrow and I'm a big pooperoni right now.

Will answer comments soon.....ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Around the World in Three Years

Thank you Grillo for the heads up on Wes and Jill Walls and their Three Year Backpacking Adventure Around the World.

I'm so jealous.

Bari Sax and Bass Recorder

It's another long weekend again -- Hand Class all weekend (10-6 both days) and a party on Sunday night (after class)... I am SO SCREWED because my routine has been sleeping at 6-7 AM and getting up around 2 PM. So I barely make it home driving and collapse at 7:30 -- and of course at 10 PM I'm up and SCREWED. Told Mom how I needed to be talked to feel supported ("Don't beat me up with suggestions of how to run my life -- just tell me you love me and you're available should I need you.") She did pretty well after some major coaching... and we ended up screaming and laughing when we realized Dad was really 73 on Monday instead of 74 like they've been advertising... NO ONE DID THE MATH and Dad forgot!

He was so happy to find out he just got a year younger.

Now it's 1:18 AM and I'm restless and awake, agitated and crabby. What better but that to listen to the SHOWTUNES channel on Radio AOL so all my drama-queen-crap can make an appearance -- and exit. (I already had a good cry this morning in class -- TL calling me on my shit in private, but giving me time to regroup.)

I heard "Try to Remember" sung by Liza Minnelli... and while I don't care for the song OR Liza with a Z, I loved the orchestration. There was a terrific "fat" sax section doing a subtle background and I heard a bari sax at the very bottom... OMG, the memories! The sax section of my high school jazz band -- we were hot, we were ONE...

I love the bottom of the orchestra, band, ensemble, choir, electronica -- even though I was a bit taken aback when asked to play bari in high school (as I was one of the few that could get all the air in it -- a reference I was sure had to do SOLELY on my weight... not a good feeling for a teenager. (At least I didn't march with it!) This is also why I played bass recorder in collegium musicum at Oxy (which is so big it needs a neckstrap like a sax). The lower parts are simpler and not as flashy as the woodwinds/violins/sopranos etc. But they are the foundation. GROUNDING. The support, the base of which all depends.

I love that... all the parts at the bottom of the score... and I'm missing making music.

OMG!!! Look what I just said! I just said I MISSED IT! THIS IS A GOOD THING! OMG...

Fascinatin' Friday

...because I love to hear from you! So this is going to be a regular Friday feature :)

Got this from The Friday Five:

If you were a shoe, what would you look like?

I'd be a pair of black mules with a sturdy heel (lovely for a casual date, but not great for walking) but wishing I could be a sexy, strappy slingback...

What say you?

Traffic 1-2-3

TRAFFIC #1 - The Real Thing: I live in LA. I know about traffic. So why do I continue to think I can get anywhere in "20 minutes" since everywhere in LA is (supposedly) only 20 minutes away?!

Well, DUH. You were going to Long Beach, which is not "REALLY" L.A. And it's 35 miles away from Burbank, so no matter HOW you cut it, you're not gonna get there in 20 minutes.

And I didn't. That's what I get for not fixing my printer and not printing up the map on Yahoo Maps. Then getting lost with no map. And calling a girlfriend for navigational help only to find out the stupid computer filled in ONE street when she typed in another (thank you for keeping me BREATHING!). Fifty-five minutes later, I had to admit defeat and call my client back (again) and feign idiocy (FEIGN?!) ARRGH. Fortunately he works out of his home and wasn't twiddling his thumbs, and after I calmed down we had a great read. I love AIRY hands... and I had quite a lovely time.

BTW, the funniest thing he said was on the phone on my way there. I told him I'd met him at the gay men's dinner party for Halloween, but when I'm in "reading mode" I don't really remember a whole lot (it's me and the hands, babe, just me and the hands). So I asked him who he came as that night, to maybe jar my memory.

"I thought I came as a construction worker, with my toolbelt and construction hat and all. But everyone else thought I came as a lesbian."

MWAHAHAHAHAH!

TRAFFIC #2 - Blogging It Forward: Speaking of traffic, I ran into three great sites recently I'd love to share with you. I read somewhere there was a "Blog It Forward" day in November, but having forgotten what day it was (and am apparently LATE for that too), I would like to keep the spirit of that celebration -- and tell you about three blogs I've just added on my blogroll.

(a) Humor Hangout--A humor column for readers with taste is delightful! Forgetting that I could/should surf blogs via BlogExplosion, I found Hope's exquisite post Staying with other people: helping at supper, (WARNING: shameless plug) which inspired me to write a tasteful essay of my own in response (and unfortunately bombarding her comments section of that post as well). I may post it here someday, but I'm not quite sure I want to brag about my "helping at supper" strategies so boldly. At least not while I'm still on my friends' dinner invitation guest lists! But back to Hope's blog -- do read her Staying with other people series, including the her spot-on thoughts on the bathroom and doing the dishes (but not at the same time).

(b) I found Cecilia and her Clearcandy Daily on the comments section of the Hope's Humor Hangout (what a weird thing this blogging phenomena is). She's a Ph.d student in Brussels, Belgium (have you had the mussels in Brussels yet, Cecilia? Mmmm...) studying diabetes (and candy :), and shock of all shock, she's Filipino! We had a little discussion on the burp as a sign of appreciation after a meal... she has a lovely site.

(c) Abroad at Home is written by an Englishman known only as sp3ccylad who's returned to the U.K. but whose wife is American. (Get it, get it?) He has got to be the craziest BLOGGER LINKER in town and has posted links (with witty commentary of course) to such novelties as ballsies, dognoses, singing meat and the world's biggest origami penis. Enjoy!

TRAFFIC #3 - Surfing the Blogosphere: (Especially for Hope and Cecilia :) -- I LOVE BLOGEXPLOSION! The number people who see my site now is amazing and the number of returning folks is growing (slowly, but steadily) as well. (Did I mention I'm a statistics wh*re?) I don't feel like I'm "hiding out" anymore (you know that "getting a comment in your mailbox" feeling, don't you?! It's great :), but most of all I love to surf (and earn my credits) and get ENGLISH ONLY blogs. One night of "Next Blog" in Blogger can be hell if you want good content (which means you have to be able to read it!), and after my initial week of craziness w/ frenetic surfing, I've finally settled down into a nice pattern of reading. Highly recommend -- and (WARNING: shameless grovelling) should you decide to check out it out, do click on this BlogExplosion link or the flashing banner on my sidebar so I can earn some credit :)

Now, to traffic my pooped self to bed...

No surprise here -- and is the Moon a PLANET?

You Are From the Moon

You can vibe with the steady rhythms of the Moon. You're in touch with your emotions and intuition. You possess a great, unmatched imagination - and an infinite memory. Ultra-sensitive, you feel at home anywhere (or with anyone). A total healer, you light the way in the dark for many.

What Planet Are You From?

"Someone keeps stealing my letters..."

As if I need more things to waste time with -- but this is actually quite clever!

Just letters

I'm feeling better already.

Numbing Out and The Pit

I have a good friend in my Hand Classes who is very loopy -- no, that's not a pejorative, it means she has ten (10) loops on all ten of her fingerprints. Her Purpose, her Lesson and her Foundation is all about EMOTIONAL AUTHENTICITY -- the School of Love. It's a pretty rare thing -- and nearly impossible to live your truest self like that, but she's doing it. Step by step by step, inching her way towards herself and a true healthy relationship -- yes, One has appeared at her door at exactly the right time to help her learn this.

Our teacher told us years ago that our fellow student, she who was prone to panic attacks when she got near the thought of an authentic relationship, would be the one we all would go to someday for our connection/relationship issues. My friend balked at the time and went straight into another panic. I've never forgotten it. And now she is my Guiding Light.

So I dared to open my mouth yesterday and told another human being -- her -- that I was in The Pit again.

She told me I was in the hardest part of my life -- between who I truly am, and who I thought I was. I'm stuck in this cesspool and I can't get out. But why? Because I dare to actually challenge the old beliefs about myself -- and those beliefs are fighting back big time. They don't want to die.

Those beliefs that I'm a fuck-up, I'm lazy, I can't be depended on. They ring so loudly I hide deep in my apartment so no one else can hear me flog myself with them. YOU GODDAMN IDIOT LOSER.

"And what is your non-negotiable need with your Water heartlines?" she asks.

"Connection."

"Are you connecting now?"

"With you, yes. But I can't talk to anybody. Not anyone close to me. I can't let them see me like this. A mess, a mess. And I can't talk to them about them either... I'm empty, dry. I'm the one who usually helps... I have wise answers -- but I can't help myself out. I'm really a piece of shit."

"Then are you really being authentic? Are you letting them be your friend? Or just a client? And you're doing that #7 thing again: you really don't believe you can't depend on anyone, do you?"

Smart-Ass Me shows up. "Yeah, so don't go trying to depend on me!"

"Ah. So the it's easier to be undependable then having to admit you need to depend on anyone else?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. You must be very afraid."

"Uh..."

"You've fallen and you can't get up -- not without help but you just know you can't depend on anyone... you must be so, so scared."

"Oh... oh..."

"So how are you numbing yourself out? More frenetic escapism?"

Goddamn! I hate that fucking #7 Enneagram Deterioration phrase. That's what the fuck I've been doing with BlogExplosion -- numbing, numbing, numbing. And what is numbness really?

It's School of Peace hell -- I'm in FEAR and PANIC. I just numb out to cope.

===

Okay, I just paraphrased our talk -- but for once, in at least a couple of weeks, I was able to get back into my BODY again and I wept. For me, that's a very good sign -- I'm not shy about crying, but it's hard to get to the truth... I'm usually in my HEAD theorizing, escaping, planning.

Get into your Body. Cry. Walk. What are the skill sets for School of Peace?

1. Realize you're in a panic.
2. Breathe until you relax.
3. Know that you will not die in the next five minutes.
4. Separate your present circumstances from your self-esteem -- you are NOT these current circumstances.

Check. Get into body. Nature. Physical movement. The Earth will support you.

Next up: School of Wisdom -- The Head.

1. Realize you are in your head.
2. Make the two-foot drop into your gut.
3. Take action on what you already know.

Check.

I won't go into to the School of Love (Heart) or Service (Spirit) because I'm so stuck in these schools right now -- I have to get back on the planet. Too easy to get into my head.

Just came back from short walk with the dog ("her" walk) and then took a long one for me. Feel better. Body is tingling. Good sign. Blood had forgotton how to flow.

I'm so full of shit. I have absolutely NO JUDGMENT on my friends when they need me. NONE. But I disappear when it comes to myself. Why am I so critical and harsh with myself? (Disintegration into #1.) I have to unlearn this.

How? Not by motivational talk -- I can talk up a storm and guess what, I'll make it about you. Get into body. Get out of head. Take action on what you already know.

And remember, you have water heartlines. (DAMN! I hate that there are skill sets for eveything!) You are sensitive, especially with others. You have to be sensitive with yourself. Where's that Mammy in there that knows how take care of you and coddle and protect you? Tell her you have a damn ouch-y -- she can't do any of her mojo if you don't show up! And where's The Nanny, Phoebe Figgalilly, so she can make everything all nice and pretty?

You feel bad, Missy. You're stuck. You can't work. You can't do anything. For yourself or anyone. You're drowning again. Can't breathe... gasping...

TELL YOUR FRIENDS. You won't look bad, we promise. They can be with you.

Nine Layers

I got this from Jen's cool blog -- it's amazing what you can run into with BlogExplosion. As if I need to write MORE about myself -- but here goes anyway!

Layer One
name: Madley
birth date: April 10
birthplace: Delaware
current location: LA
eye color: Brown
hair color: Black and startin' to gray a teeny bit
height: 5'4"
righty or lefty: Righty
zodiac sign: Aries

Layer Two
your heritage: Filipino. That's it.
the shoes you wore today: The aforementioned Magic Shoes (running shoes)
your weakness: People asking for help. And steak.
your fears: Dying without having contributed a thing. And pain. Do not like pain.
your perfect pizza: Super thin crust, gourmet (from Spark Woodfire Cooking in Studio City) - goat cheese and asparagus or prosciutto and some kind of leafy green stuff... Oh dear, can you tell I'm hungry? I am a pizza snob.
goal you'd like to achieve: Balance, with not too much drama.

Layer Three
your most overused phrase on aim: Neat. LOL. LMAO. :) ;) I guess I'm pretty happy on IM!
your first waking thoughts: What-time-is-it-where-the-hell-am-I-and-what-the-fuck-am-I-supposed-to-be-doing-right-now? (Truly not a get-up and go kinda gal!)
your best physical feature: My hands.
your most missed memory: What does that mean? Something I miss? Assuming that's it -- I miss my sheltie, Tyler :(

Layer Four
pepsi or coke: Either. With ice and a straw.
mcdonald's or burger king: Either. In 'n' Out is best!
single or group dates: Single... are you kidding?
adidas or nike: Either, whichever fits these weird feet best.
lipton ice tea or nestea: Neither. I like tea steeped not powdered.
chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
cappuccino or coffee: Espresso -- for the after-dinner taste, not the to fill up on.

Layer Five
smoke: Nope, never did. Can't inhale.
cuss: Hell yeah.
sing: For fun, always. Seriously... someday.
take a shower everyday: Every other.
do you think you've been in love: Know it.
want to go to college: Want to FINISH IT!
liked high school: Loved it. Last time I was "truly" myself. (How sad is that.)
want to get married: Yes?... I know I want a wedding! LOL
believe in yourself: Hell yeah.
get motion sickness: Back seats and busses, and occasionally when either of my brothers drive. :) Fortunately not on the water.
think you're attractive: I'm okay.
think you're a health freak: In my head!
get along with your parent(s): Hell yeah.
like thunderstorms: Yes -- unless I'm travelling in them.
play an instrument: Piano (badly) and a long time ago: recorders, tenor/bari sax, clarinet.

Layer Six
in the past month...
drank alcohol: Yes, wine.
smoked: Nope.
done a drug: Does immodium count? LOL Oh, and my regular legal pharmaceuticals.
made out: Last night!
gone on a date: Funny, I don't consider last night a date...
gone to the mall: To adjust my glasses -- hate malls!
eaten an entire box of oreos?: Ick no.
eaten sushi: Oh yeah. :)
been on stage: Sorta? Just introducing our seminar speaker.
been dumped: No
gone skating: No
made homemade cookies: No
dyed your hair: No
stolen anything: No

Layer Seven
ever...
played a game that required removal of clothing: No. Ew. (Except in the dark. Maybe.)
if so, was it mixed company: n/a
been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yup. Many moons ago.
been caught "doing something": Nope.
been called a tease: No
gotten beaten up: No
shoplifted: I think once when I was a kid. Scared me to death. Never did it again --from a store, anyway. :(
changed who you were to fit in: Always... constantly gettin' over it. My poor Water Heart lines.

Layer Eight
age you hope to be married: Before death.
numbers and names of children: n/a
describe your dream wedding: Depends on the age above and the guy, of course! But hopefully with Mom and Dad still around.
how do you want to die: Smiling. HEHEHEH
where you want to go to college: Occidental College -- I did. I do. AACK!!!! Get me out!
what do you want to be when you grow up: Oh good grief... how about reading this blog and telling ME? Seriously, self-sufficient in the arts, and somehow being of service.
what country would you most like to visit: Russia

Layer Nine
number of drugs taken illegally: One
number of people i could trust with my life: Five
number of cds that i own: Maybe 30?
number of piercings: Three -- one in one ear, two in the other. That's enough.
number of tattoos: None -- yet. Too indecisive. Though I've learned "Madley" in the ancient Filipino script of baybayin and I'm getting close!
number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: A couple? Can't remember.
number of scars on my body: Lots -- I'm clumsy!
number of things in my past that i regret: Three -- (1) I won't talk about, (2) not taking the job in Switzerland, and (3) gaining back the 110 pounds I lost plus more. Other than those (!!!)... I'm doing pretty okay.

Your turn! Send me a link so I can read it. Please? :)

Makin' Out

Dearest Allie had written a awhile back about there being "worse ways to spend a Monday night" that was delicious -- it was about calling a boy (okay, not a BOY, but you know what I mean, as opposed to a GIRL -- okay, MALE) to come over and MAKE OUT.

Like the good old days ;)

Tonight I did exactly that. Went and visited MrA (for Mr. Anonymous?)... we talked for a little bit, and then I said, "You know, I read on someone else's blog... (and I told him what a blog was) and... er... um... ahem... can we just make out for awhile?"

We were already listening to Rod Stewart's lastest album of wonderful mushy standards that sounded like Christmas music...

And he turned to me and... yeah, we made out! Kissin' right there on the love seat. hehehehe

I'm just giggly all over still... I felt like a teenager again! (Until it wasn't time for me to be a teenager anymore ;) And guess what? It was a Monday night! *giggle again*

So thanks, Miss Allie... what else have you got up your sleeve?

(Oh please, crossing my fingers none of my family is reading this!)

Time for Bullets

Bullet POINTS. Too pooped to write one coherent post.

* Had a horrid weekend -- stayed up all Saturday, slept all Sunday. Thought Jack and I were going to see "The Incredibles" tonight but we got in another tiff and that blew that. How is it we can't even see a MOVIE together anymore? We already don't eat together... geez.

* I got pissed off and saw "Bridget Jones" instead -- but because it's a HUGH GRANT movie, not because of Renee Z. -- I loved "Jerry McGuire" and Chicago, but... but... well, she was cute in this I guess. All I kept thinking was that she got paid a lot $$$ to gain weight and have big boobs, she should at least keep 'em. The pacing was a bit off (I knew what was going to happen before it did and it bugs the sh*t out of me when that happens), I got a bothered by the Thai girls but I don't know why (don't worry, that wasn't a spoiler) ... but overall, a sweet, little film. I wanted to see something balls-out hilarious... this was just sweet. And maybe I'm getting ready for a Colin Firth in my life... I'm tired of the Hugh Grants, as rascally as they are.

* Oh shit, the machines are working again, I thought for sure it was The Big One. YIKES -- I hate earthquake scares!

* I walked three or four long blocks to the theater and wondered how it got to be so foreign to walk... in NY I wouldn't have blinked an eyeball at a four-avenue walk, but here... one can feel so vulnerable. NO ONE ELSE IS ON THE STREET. Just you and a bunch of speeding cars, any of which can just pick you off... ugh, I'm getting morose.

* I've been really impressed with my friend Rick's moving forward with auditions and singing... it reminds me of who he was in high school and it's been a long trek back to it. It just made me think of MY high school thing... to be at least be bilingual. I haven't managed it yet.

* I'm walking (and sweating, can you believe? It was 70+ degrees out but I didn't know all day and I left with a sweatshirt and coat on)... and ask God for a sign that I'm supposed to -- DO SOMETHING.

* I get to Barnes and Noble for a drink and I pass two late 20-something fellas at a table and one says, "Well, do you want to pan?" and I turn around and smile. He smiles back -- only in LA are people storyboarding films in a Starbucks. (Hm... Wrong sign, though, that one means "Do Nothing.") He continues: "No, zoom IN means the camera is getting closer to you, zoom OUT is pulling away." Uh-oh. He's the DP (Director of Photography) with a novice director. Bad sign. Reminds me of some terrible directing days.

* In line in front of me is a VERY EUROPEAN couple, 30, maybe, straight out of central casting. How is it Europeans look so... European? They look sexy even in casual clothes. When I went to France I kept thinking, "I wonder if they'll think I'm from the Philippines" but apparently I walk like a Yank. I couldn't even practice a TINY bit of French because everyone always opened their mouths to me with "Hello!" Hot damn.

I get closer and they're speaking an Eastern European language... but it's not Russian (I know that one ;) so after the guy ordered I open my mouth: "Excuse me, what language are you speaking?"

"Bulgarian."

"Ah, Bulgarian," I say, smiling like an idiot. "Blagodaria!" (It means "thank you." Big linguist here.)

"Oh, you know it! How do you know it?" he asks. The girl rushes up and says, "It's not a very common language."

"I know! I learned that from a friend. (I lied. I learned it from a cute waiter.) That's all I know though."

We were all smiles, told each other to have a nice evening then I went to the movie and pretended to want to be in London. But I got my sign: I know how to make friends and get along... it's never been a problem for me before, so why would I worry about that in some other country? Granted, I'd never LIVED or WORKED in another foreign land but lots of people do it, so why can't I?



I just have to... oh, here's a bit of problem... figure out how I'm going to support myself. I can't even do it here in English, much less in Europe... oh hell, I can always come back to the previously noted cheap apartment in LA if it stinks -- or read a hell of a lotta hands! LOL But as long as I have a laptop (okay, I still have to buy one) and can stay connected that way... how hard could it be? And who knows what adventures it'll bring. Maybe the REAL me lives in Breton... or better yet, maybe "HE" lives there too.

So: Finish school, learn French with all the Senators and Princes at the Institut de Français in the south of France and go on that adventure. What have I got to lose?

Ciao baby!

You into holidays?

I am -- in my head! :( [Sometimes I want to blow this head of mine UP -- so much "planning" and "daydreaming" and not enough "doing" -- the headlines in my hand are way too long.]

New polls (on sidebar) -- what say you?

I... Can't... Click... Any... More...

Arm falling off, eyes bugging out... pls, no more... must turn PC all OFF...

I almost CAVED

Oh dear... Technorati almost caught me there -- kept seeing it all over the place and I ALMOST signed up... I caught myself when I was thinking about which password to use... AHA! I swore but two days ago I wouldn't do it! Whew. I mean how people really need to see the same old profile of me over and over again?!

BTW, now that I've just had a WONDERFUL morning of blogsurfing (really! I've read a lot of great stuff!)... does any one out there know what the heck BE's mystery credits and mystery prizes are? Or they supposed to be a mystery to everyone?

And what's this "exchange linking" thing all about? Just because I like your blog doesn't mean you HAVE to link to me. It doesn't have to be mutual! I only want to be on your blogroll if you like what I have to say -- and just because you like me doesn't mean I have to like you either.

(Does that sound mean? It's not supposed to be, I swear. I just think blind reciprocity is WEIRD.)

FindYourSpot.com

Hmmm... interesting. These are the top places that would be ideal for me live... seems I already have a "relationship" with most of them! And I was trying really hard to get NY, NY there... I got Boston, but not NY??!?

Your Top Spots
Las Vegas, Nevada - Jolynne :) but I'd NEVER LIVE THERE, it's UNREAL
Baltimore, Maryland
Boston, Massachusetts - Maria
Providence, Rhode Island
Portland, Oregon - always dreamed of visiting
Los Angeles, California HOME since 1978 (-2 years)
New Haven, Connecticut - close to IK?!
Honolulu, Hawaii - just got back - coolness, but I think I'd get island fever
San Diego, California - brother and other family is there - too conservative!
Orange County, California - too conservative!
Hartford, Connecticut
Baton Rouge, Louisiana - what about the humidity?
Long Beach, California - I was just there in a beautiful part of town... hm...
New Orleans, Louisiana - never been, wanna go
Oakland, California - Rick!
Worcester, Massachusetts - been there (near Marlboro) -- too isolated
Little Rock, Arkansas - who are you KIDDING?
Washington, District of Columbia - not a politics kinda gal
San Francisco, California - not surprised -- not interested!
Sacramento, California -MISS D!!!
Chicago, Illinois - Parrish
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Cambridge, Massachusetts - Interesting...
Stamford-Norwalk, Connecticut - Interesting again...

This is all very interesting... but I do have to say I'm not surprised... except at Little Rock.

© 2001-2004 FindYourSpot.com

"I feel the earth move under my feet..."

And it's pissing me off!

Okay, I live in a dump. The town is cute, but I live in the worst part of it for cheap rent in a 400-500 sq ft. one-bedroom apartment. (Well, I do have great non-nosy landlords who let me be and have never raised my what-was-once-a-deal-rent is now IMPOSSIBLY cheap rent so much so that I never want to give it up -- it's cheaper than a storage space!)

However, I also live about 100 ft from the Golden State Freeway and they recently tore down these beautiful eucalpytus trees to put up -- a sound wall? A SOUND WALL? Who are they kidding? Like 8 feet of brick is really gonna keep the racket from the freeway out -- ARGH! They cut these poor trees down slowly... they opened them up and I was shocked to see that the threes were still pink inside... you know, the trunks was had NEW GROWTH... it was so god-awful sad, it still makes me ILL to think about it. One day there, one day not.

But that was six months ago and they're now building this sound wall. It just happens that today I actually have been up at 7:30 am the right way -- which means I went to bed last night and GOT UP instead of falling asleep at that time, my "normal" routine. I have never been awake when they're working... and AAARGH, it's happening again! Right this second!

Every 10 minutes or so all the big, hairy machines are working and makes my whole apartment shake -- a mean-ass shakin', not a sweet polite little "quiver." And if you live in southern California, the first two seconds you're go, "Uh... is that...?" and most of the time you're relieved it's just an 18-wheeler driving by or an asshole with a (insert big loud thunderous car).

But hey, I was around for that Northridge earthquake when freeways were falling in on themselves and that was f*cking SCARY. At 4:30 am you don't have your wits about you... well, I didn't, I was sound asleep and thought Tyler (my sheltie) was bouncing around on the bed. For a half a second. Then I shot up and begged:

"Please God, FORGIVE ME!"

Because it was The End of the World. Seriously. I thought that was it. The End. And all of a sudden I was a three-year old Catholic again. (Although I don't think I had much to confess when I was three.)

Thirty seconds of incredible shaking (like you're on a roller coaster or a plane dropping but you don't know where the f*ck the bottom is) and an hour of mini-after shocks... well, after that, you just have this "earthquake sense" about you and you start looking for door jambs or getaway places (indoor or out) where shit won't fall on your head or shatter in your face.

[One time when the big one hit in San Francisco (during the World Series I think), I was working on the 42nd floor of the Century Park West double towers that are shaped like a triangle and are supposedly on wheels to absorb the shock -- it waas so strong we actually thought the epicenter was in Los Angeles and in our office we had already gotten under our desks! YIKES!]

And yet I stay. If it's not earthquakes, it's something else, right? At least I know it's about quaking and shaking, not the earth swallowing me up as I thought when I was a kid (and I've had enough earthquake training classes around here to know I'll never live at the beach where you might as well be living on quicksand.)

Earthquakes I can live through. But construction work -- I might have to take my Uzzi for a walk.

What cat? THAT Cat

I do have to admit, I'm feeling bit cheesy after reading incredible cleolove's entry on blog surfing -- yes, I'm one of those people who love to take quizzes and post the results, ONLY if they're good. Ah well, if you don't like it, there's a new blog only 30 seconds away... 29... 28...

(I'm still debating about posting the Dante's Hell quiz -- it was good [I was stuck in the Gluttons circle -- no surprise there!] but you have to know Dante's Inferno, and not just at the surface. Hm...)

So the newest one is for my friend, R, who just had to put down her deary of 15-years... :( I'm not a really Cat Chick, but she and I just LOVE tiaras. Or maybe that's just me (I can't remember). Although maybe if I got a new cat it would walk a lot faster than old Yvette! Yesterday's long ass walk was just long for me -- I couldn't stand it after awhile and gave Yvette a lift instead, and she's no little chihuahua-size pocket pug either. I give in -- I guess vigorous walks have to be taken solitary now. Hrrumph. (That's The Brat, BTW.)

But I digress -- here's the quiz (oh, it's for Jeffrey, Elvis and Priscilla too :).


Aristocat! You're a sophisticated cat, proud to
hold your head up high even when somebody ruins
your day. You do have your bad hairball days,
but instead of freaking out over something,
you'd much rather take it in stride and move
on.

What kind of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Don't forget to tell me what you are :)

My head exploded instead

I'm officially addicted to blog surfing. Shoot me now! More "Frenetic Escapism" of the Poor Enneagram #7.

It's an icky cloudy day in beautiful southern California but I'm taking a long ass walk with the pugster. Yvette and I need it.

BlogExplosion and The Peter Principle

That's it. As the old Peter Principle states, I've reached my level incompetence. With this blog stuff. ARGH!

I clicked on someone's BlogExplosion banner, just trying to get a little more traffic, braving the big old Blogosphere as I know it.

Oh dear, I've opened Pandora's box!

Basically, you read a bunch of blogs (for 30 seconds, and there's a timer there to help you) for the first few "credits." What I love about this is that BlogExplosions blogs are validated -- they're not those stupid spam or ad blogs, and THEY'RE ALL IN ENGLISH. I love that! Especially since I am usually hitting the "Next Blog" button in the middle of the night and get lots of 13-year-olds from southeast Asia with bad midi music playing, a font size of 6, teddy bears/anime graphics and "i WeNt tO cLasS ToDAy" entries.

But these folks -- now these BlogExplosion PROs have been doin' it for awhile! Being the "newer-the-better" information whore that I am, I've been gobsmacked with incredible graphics, original, non-template designs, trackback, tag boards, photoblogs, add-ons (hit counters, search my site, calendars, clocks, search engines, blog directories, polls, yada-yada-yada) and blog rolls from here to Timbuktu. I am both awed -- and stricken down STUPID.

I have questions up the ying-yang: How does it know I'm clicking on the right number that's askew in the box? What's a credit? How do I use them? How come I can't see their URL? How do I know people are reading me? How come this HTML stuff is so hard? WHY AM I ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS?!

And instead of writing in my own blog, I'm spending countless minutes (okay, you know it's hours) STARING AT BLOG DESIGNS. Argh. I'm barely even reading the things anymore, and that's what I usually enjoy the most. And of course, I love all the "marketing tools" out there for free. Banners up the wazoo. Click here, click there, your downline will give you more credits, more traffic.... aargh make it stop!

I quit Amway a long time ago (and never had a "downline" -- I couldn't bear it, I just wanted to sell the makeup to go with my color consulting) -- since when was it okay for me to get myself back into Multi-Level Marketing?!?!?!?

All of a sudden I'm caring more about who comes to my blog than how it serves me and my own darn thoughts and feelings. Hell, I've always been a "Build It and They Will Come" soft-sell kind of gal, why change now?

("MORE MORE MORE!" screams The Never-Enough-Stimulation-Enneagram #7!)

So I've declared a moratorium, much to my Inner Marketing Queen's dismay:

NO MORE SIGNING UP FOR ANYTHING THAT REQUIRES ANOTHER PASSWORD!

This is for my own good (and apparently all those other nutty voices inside of me too). I will only put on things on my simple blog that make MY heart sing... which includes a full moon watcher and maybe a search engine so I can find my own crap in this blog myself. HEHEH

Enough "checking out what's out there" -- according to Gail Sheehy's Passages, that's for my twenties. After that, it's time to decide exactly what of "that world" I actually want to keep in mine.

(But if you do decide to explore BlogExplosion, do click on the link or the banner on my sidebar :) [Ooh, sorry -- Inner Marketing Queen snuck out there for just a moment!])

Whew. Glad that particular ride is over.

A Poll, A Poll!

Got this idea from Yankeebob -- thanks guy!

It'll change once a week -- if I can think up enough questions. This one is just a bit of marketing research to start out.

So if you don't mind and you're not sick of the sentiment -- There's a purple voting box under my profile there on right and I'd love for you to GO VOTE. (Please?)

Troy

No, not Brad Pitt again -- it's Troy McClain from The Apprentice!

All my gushy, fan stuff came out all over again and I wrote a note to Troy about the "What's My Line?" show I saw him in last week.

Here's what he sent and the note he answered. There's nothing in it too personal so I'm sure he won't mind. (HEHEEHE "O-wa-ta-goo-si-am" -- or rather, Oh, what a goose I am!)

===

Madley, Thanks so much for taking the time to write. I had a blast that night with Wil and all the other people. They were very nice to me. At the end of the day I don’t sing, dance or act, so it was great to just be there with some good people. As far as Rose Marie goes, it took me a minute or two but then I figured it out. More so I remember her on Hollywood squares when I was younger. School, well I am trying to figure out what to do about that. I am running out time to be honest but I am going to go that is for sure.

Anyway thanks again for the email and hopefully I get the language down before I go to the big China!

Take care

Troy =)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Madley
Sent: Monday, November 08, 2004 6:00 AM
To: troy
Subject: "What's My Line" -- you were great!

And so refreshing too!

Hi Troy,

You were my absolutely favorite on The Apprentice (and still are ), and it was a great surprise to see you in town (I actually saw it on Wil Wheaton's blog). You were SO FRESH, cool in a no bullshit, Marlboro Man kind of way, like a cool stream of water on a hot-*ss dry L.A. day! I'm an old jaded hat nowadays here, so I can actually say -- DON'T LOSE THE IDAHO IN YOU, it's terrific.

You got that fiddler down in the first question too -- a great study of people, obviously. (BTW, did you know who Rose Marie was? I was a bit shocked when she came out as she, er, um, hasn't aged the most gracefully -- but she's quite the stitch! Did you get the feeling she was trying to hit on Wil? LOL)

I almost shouted out "What school are you goin' to?!" but I didn't want to point out my humble beginnings like that (HAHA) and I figured wherever and whenever it was (I assuming you're taking Mr. Trump up on his offer), you'll let us all know in good time!

You're a good man of honor -- I wish you success with your name Home Game Show (When's it gonna be on? What channel, what website? LOL) and of course safe travels to China!

(BTW, they say "xie xie" for "thank you" there, which is pronounced like "shay shay" but make sure you have someone who speaks it teach it to you with the tones and so you pronounce it correctly and not say "she she" which means "piss" in Japanese. LOL Oh heck, you can also say "toa xie" -- which sounds like DOOR CHAIR with a Boston accent... well, you'll figure it out, you always do! ;)

Again, best regards always,
Madley

===

Okay, I'm old but still tickled.

Time to cast "Imelda"

Date: Fri, 05 Nov 2004 17:57:33 -0800
From: "East West Players"
Subject: Los Angeles: IMELDA casting notice

East West Players, the nation's premiere Asian American theater organization located is casting the World Premiere of IMELDA, a new musical, book by Sachi Oyama, lyrics by Aaron Coleman and music by Nathan Wang. Directed by Tim Dang.

Rehearsals begin April 5, 2005
Previews begin May 5, 2005
Open May 11, 2005
Closes June 5,2005
Possible two week extension

Seeking Pilipino/Asian American triple threats who can sing, act and dance well for the following roles. The musical is in English.

Imelda Marcos, Pilipina/Asian American female, plays from 20s-50s, wife of Ferdinand Marcos, beauty contestant, charming, sense of determination and sense of humor, expressive demeanor with much subtext, larger than life, alto/mezzo, must also dance. Physical resemblance to Imelda Marcos in her 30s a plus.

Ferdinand Marcos, Pilipino/Asian American male, plays from 20s-50s, president of the Phillipines [sic], strong, earthbound, good mover, charismatic, handsome, baritone. Physical resemblance to Ferdinand Marcos in his 30s a plus.

Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino, Pilipino/Asian American male, plays from 20s-50s, Senator trying to defeat Marcos, strong, good mover, high baritone, once infatuated with Imelda. Physical resemblance to Benigno Aquino in his 30s a plus.

Corazon Aquino, Pilipino/Asian American female, plays from 30s-50s, wife of Ninoy, later to succeed Ferdinand Marcos as the president of the Phillipines [sic], deep alto. Physical resemblance to Corazon Aquino in her 30s a plus.

Veri, Pilipina/Asian American female, muse, 20s, full name Veritas Vida, to play various roles such as beauty contestant, Blue Lady Adoracion, peasant mother, boy, Voter 1, high belt, must also dance

Luz, Pilipina/Asian American female, muse, 20s, full name Luz Lugero, to play various roles such as beauty contestant, Blue Lady Concepcion, newscaster, boy, Voter 2, alto, must also dance

Ulli, Pilipina/Asian American female, muse, 20s, full name Illuminacion Real, to play various roles such as beauty contestant, Dovey, boy, hostess, mezzo, must dance

Governor Ronald Reagan, Beauty Contest Announcer, Eurasian Male, 30s-40s, must sing and dance

Mayor of Leyte, Congressman, Pilipino/Asian American male, 30s, must sing and dance

Judge, Marcos’ Father, Pilipino/Asian American male, 40s, must sing and dance

Imelda's Mother, Realtor, Pilipina/Asian American female, 40s, must sing and dance

Storyteller, Activist, Pilipina/ Asian American female, 40s, must sing and dance

Please send picture and resume with part you would like to be considered for to:
East West Players
Attn.: Imelda casting
120 Judge John Aiso Street
Los Angeles, CA 90012

Deadline December 7 for submissions.
Auditions in December 2004 and January 2005.
Looking for union (AEA) and non-Union actors.

Please no telephone calls or personal deliveries. For more info please check
www.eastwestplayers.org
--------------------------------------------------
East West Players
David Henry Hwang Theater at the Union Center for the Arts
120 Judge John Aiso St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 625-7000
(213) 625-7111 FAX
www.eastwestplayers.org
info@eastwestplayers.org

Mission Statement
As the nation’s premier Asian American theatre organization, East West Players produces outstanding works and educational programs that give voice to the Asian Pacific American experience.

===

I think I'm going to barf. So I'll just put it here... I'm going to send something in. I'm not a mezzo/alto, but an alto through and through... I'll put in for Cory too, I'm more like her.

Shit! This brings ALL MY SHIT UP... it's too close to home. I've had dinner at the Pacific Dining Car with Nathan Wang, the composer, many moons ago. I wonder if he'll remember me and if that's good or bad... and auditioned before for Tim Dang the director... More later, I can't stand it, it's too close, too close...

[Oh, I just noticed this: book by a Japanese, book by an American, music by a Chinese, directed by a Chinese. WHERE ARE THE FILIPINOS?! I'm sure they wouldn't have spelled PHILIPPINES wrong -- twice.]

Name Change - Again?!

Just like in real life... LOL. Actually, it wasn't sittin' right to have my blog start out with an "I" and it's more direct now :) And a pretty pinky-purple-y color too.

Mad's Mad World

HEHEHE Well, okay, it matters to me! Please make note :)

When "Inside the Actor's Studio" calls...

...I'll be ready! (Thanks Stacey -- we always love a list and I've always adored these questions :)

James Lipton asks the following ten questions at the end of the TV show Inside the Actor’s Studio. These questions originally came from a French series, “Bouillon de Culture” hosted by Bernard Pivot.

1. What is your favorite word? Please
2. What is your least favorite word? Whatever
3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? The amazing struggle of human beings to deal with the duality of life.
4. What turns you off? People not willing to grow
5. What is your favorite curse word? F*cking *sshole
6. What sound or noise do you love? Rain
7. What sound or noise do you hate? Metal impacting anything
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Diplomat
9. What profession would you not like to do? Nun
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Everybody's waiting -- Merlot or Cabernet?"

Feel free to add your own -- I'd love to hear from you!

It's The Thea-tah, Dahling

I love showtunes! I love musicals! I love Hollywood!

I LOVE IT ALL!!!

(I'm listening to "Showtunes" on Radio AOL and Antonio Banderas is singing about being God and Buddha from the musical "Nine" -- WOW!)

I was catching up with Wil Wheaton's blog today and found out he was going to be a panelist on a live, non-scripted show based on the old TV game show What's My Line? in Hollywood, and if we printed out the blog entry we'd get 2-for-1 tickets -- only six bucks a pop, my kind of date. Then finding out Troy McClain from The Apprentice was another of the four panelists -- fuhgettaboutit, I'm there!

Called up Jeffrey (of non-judgmental, suburban Newark fame and who I've known since jr. high) at 5:00, and said "Wil" and "Troy" are going to be down the street, let's go! When I picked him up we giggled -- we really live in L.A., don't we? I told him about Answer Girl's blog and her relocating to Maine and how I was thinking maybe it's getting to be that time. He and Alan are planning to move to Vermont in a few years, so when I bitched that it took 40 minutes to get over the hill from my house to his -- 7.31 miles -- he said they don't have traffic that in Vermont. Then we drove 2.13 miles down La Brea and I had to valet park the car -- well, they don't have that in Vermont either.

The show was terrific! The Acme Theater is one of the finer, classier 99-seat spaces in L.A., with a lobby that opens right smack into the fabu Amalfi restaurant and bar. As we sat down, a wonderful pianist, Adam Chester, played cooler-than-Muzak versions of Queen and "Supercalifragilistic." I was thinking (as I always do at these things) "This is SO Hollywood!" because I was flanked by Tall Beautiful People in the lobby and audience... but, heck, I had blowdried hair and lipstick on tonight, so I felt like I could stand as tall as my 5'4" would allow. :)

I looked around to see how many Wil fans were out there too -- when I calmed down a bit, I could almost tell the difference -- intuition? experience? -- hell no, We're Geeks! :) I wondered silently if they felt as "signaled to" as I did when he shot that double goat throw out at the end of plate spinning portion -- THAT was the Wil we knew, he was just masquerading for the evening in a smashing black pinstripe suit and red tie. OOH! (I'm such a fan, I gotta stop that.) He also got to plug his books, a book-signing in Huntington Beach, the Richard Burns character in San Andreas (his friends ask if they can kill him now), a character he's playing on Teen Something (sorry!) and that he'll be at The Acme in a show from December-February. How cool!

So Jeffrey and I howled at the Clever, taking-notes-all-night, quick-with-the-comebacks and even-communicating-with-his-hands-while-blindfolded Wil, The Voice of "Brainy Smurf" Danny Golden and the refreshingly NON-Hollywood Troy (non-suited and in a plaid flannel shirt and cowboy boots, of course). We also gave the elegant Ann Magnuson in her knee-length black dress and red Nike slip-ons a big laugh when she said she was playing a cemetery owner, "Martha Stewart -- with a twist" on CSI Miami episode "when the tsunami hits."

The first contestant was a Comedy Traffic School instructor "Kenny Morse: Mr. Traffic" -- the panel guessed right. For those of you from Idaho like Troy or who don't have Traffic School, it's an 8-hour day of school you can go to if you've gotten a ticket so you can get the ticket dismissed and you don't have to hassle the insurance and ding on your DMV record. The comedy part is that usually Traffic School is as dry as a popcorn fart, but in L.A. comedians/actors/etc. will teach it to support their performing habit and it's whole day of laughin' and learnin'. Take it from me -- if you're allowed to go to traffic school, make sure it's a comedy one -- and some of those even serve you free pizza for lunch as a bonus!

Richard Green, a Bluegrass Fiddler, was the second contestant -- and I guess since he was wearing a bolo tie, Troy just came out (first question!) and said, "Are you in the music industry?" Right on, Troy -- they guessed his profession too. He was a bit of a trip -- when asked if he played with a band, he said yes. "What band?" "Richard Green." "No, do you play with other people in a band?" "Yes." "What's the band?" "Richard Green." I guess that's like "Van Halen" or "Bon Jovi" but you don't picture that from a hippie-dippie type (I was gonna guess he was an acupuncturist)! He did treat us to a nice little fiddle interlude though, and was quite impressed when the pianist gave him exit music in the exact style and key of the original composition he'd just played.

Contestant Three, Miss Julia Something-or-Other (sorry) came out in a loud, only-in-Hollywood-pink, pretty sequency short thing and high heels -- she was from England and self-employed. Of course the panelists went down the route of "model" and "stripper." They got close when they thought she "demonstrated something" but she stumped them -- she was a Plate Spinner! She also gave us a demonstration, then got Wil, Troy and Ann up there spinnin' too. (Funny moment -- to us anyway -- when Troy dropped his plate someone said, "You're fired!" He shot back with "Oh, it's been awhile since I've heard that!" Well, what a good-natured fella he is because I'm sure he hears that ALL THE TIME.)

Mystery Challenger (when the panelists are blindfolded) was Rose Marie from The Dick Van Dyke Show. Boy... uh, well, she hasn't aged very gracefully. :( But she was as funny as a stitch, and played off the host, Mr. J. Keith van Strattan perfectly. He, BTW, was as sharp as button (why do they say that, buttons aren't sharp!) and one of the quickest wits I've ever heard or seen!

At the end, there was one Stupid Lady who started taking flash pictures -- but the host said go ahead? GO AHEAD? Oooooh... I started to get annoyed because I can be a theater snob too: "Why didn't they have the usual warning before the show about cell phones and flash photography? And if they were allowing it, why didn't they mention that somewhere so we coulda brought a frickin' camera?!" Natch, I told you I could be critical... I don't like to be shaky on stuff like this... someone be clear about your show policies, please!

But Stupid (or Apparently-Not-So-Stupid) Lady didn't change my experience of the whole night -- there were so many darn good 'n' hardy laughs, and time just flew in those experts' hands! I love when that happens, when you're RIGHT THERE, second by second with the folks upstage, everybody winging it, wild and crazy, even the funky Rose Marie. A spontaneous theater experience and show biz at its best!

Oh, no. They don't have this in Vermont.

Hodge Podge

A few random thoughts -- well, not so random really, since they're all coming from ME. But I can't figure out how to organize them (in my head they're bouncing around like a bunch of nuclear atoms or free radicals, whatever those are), so here we go. (Better they rattle around on paper than in this presently fragile skull of mine.)

* Election is over. Thank god. It was a long night. Now -- on to another obsession: Christmas!

* I got my free "Madley on Ice" skating/almost falling Eskimo Girl .gif (on my sidebar) at The Animation Factory -- thank you for asking. :)

* It's true what Benjamin Franklin said about sleep (I think it was him and I'm paraphrasing). "Every hour you sleep before midnight is worth two after." Waking up Monday after all that sleep being sick, I woke up feeling like a 10-year old with the most amazing energy in the world -- I have to keep this in my sense memory... it was delicious and empowering. Or I can go the "avoid the pain route" and remember that for the last two days I've been up to my old "sleep at 6 am" routine it FEELS LIKE SHIT to get up when the sun is waning.

* I got an email on the LAComposers Yahoogroup List about a 3-month residency in Cassis, France (near Marseilles). I drooled. For a second. Then I wiped it up and got back to self-flogging: I can't speak French but for a few "charming" phrases. I'm not a professional. I'm not a student. I "always" apply to these stupid things to go abroad and I "never" get into them, so why don't I just get my ass over there on vacation and see if I like it. [Truth: wanted to go since 14, applied twice in College (1981, 2003), results = negative; one job applied to in Lugano, Switerland (1981), got it, refused it -- overall conclusion: LOSER.) I'd be bored for three months with no focus but to "vacate." I need a recommendation. I don't know anybody academically except for Sexy, Handsome, French Ex-Crush-of-Mine Composition Teacher who'd do anything for me like that. Wait, he's already written a letter like that for that was unbelievable. No, no. Push this out of your mind, c'est impossible! Wake up, you fool. You're setting yourself up.

* My kitchen is clean. It makes me want to -- heat up things. And how does Comet work, anyway?

* I just checked if Answer Girl answered my query on her blog (that I just found) about why she made the move from LA to Maine. I'd read her entire 100+ entry blog last night waiting for election results -- she starts every entry with a movie quote, the set-up for the quote (who said it, when, etc.) and then How to Use the quote. And then she does it herself. Terrific read, highly recommend!

Here's what she says:

But I'd been freelancing in Los Angeles for five years, and I could no longer justify the expense when I knew my income would remain the same no matter where I was. Also, I was no longer automatically throwing out the Botox coupons I was getting in the mail.

So I said to myself, out loud, "I need to get out of here." About an hour later -- really -- my friend Anna called, and I was complaining about my rent, and she said, "You should move to Maine! We have apartments for rent, coming open all the time."

I laughed at the idea, but it stuck in my mind. I'm a Navy kid myself (I looked at your profile), so moving's never daunted me -- I spent 17 years in Washington, but was notorious for moving house about once every two years, because I'm just programmed that way.

A week or two after my conversation with Anna, I was out with a group of writers and book-people -- the night one friend used the line, "We've gone on holiday by mistake" -- and suddenly realized that nothing was keeping me in Los Angeles, and I ought to see whether another kind of life would suit me better.

So here I am.

After screaming at "no longer automatically throwing out of Botox coupons" (MWAHAHAAH!), I realized she'd said the exact same words I did when it was time for me to leave Manhattan: nothing was keeping me in Los Angeles. Uh-oh. Probably another reason I'm having trouble finishing this recital and being DONE... nothing's keeping me here anymore.

So I reread the email: "as well as creative projects by visual artists, photographers, video artists, filmmakers, media artists, composers, and writers." I read some of the projects that had been accepted in the past. Surely there could be a place there for me.

Oh God.

I may have to apply for that residency after all. Just saying that petrifies me -- and that's only about filling out paperwork.

Animal Spirit Guides

Jaguar Spirit Calls To You!

Jaguar's Wisdom
Includes:

Seeing the roads within chaos
Understanding the patterns of chaos
Moving without fear in the darkness
Facilitating soul work
Empowering oneself
Moving in unknown places
Shapeshifter
Psychic sight

Animal Spirit Guides ~ Which One Calls To You?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Quiz, a Quiz, A Chinese Quiz!

You are Feng-huang!

Mythological Background: The phoenix is the highest
and most revered force in the skies. It's
associated with power and prosperity, because
it is the king of all birds. Mars brings about
intense love, passion, and even aggression. It
is given the best traits of all beasts - its
different parts come from different animals.
The five mystical colours in its plume are
black, white, red, green and yellow. The
Phoenix is a very auspicious aspect in Chinese
mythological culture; and its symbol is used
only with royalty. Japanese Name: Suzaku

Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow... that was a great quiz! I never had to think about whether I wanted a tail or not! hehehe And I have a really rare mark in my hands, "Pluto Healer Marks" -- which is the Healing through Death and Destruction -- everything has to be bulldozed down before it heals. Hm...

Pacing without Moving

God, I'm so lazy!

It's called waiting-for-the-vote-to-come-in-but-sitting-on-my-ass-at-this-computer! Well, I do admit to being a Mouse Potato in the title of this blog :) I don't have a TV, I have a computer... so I'm listening to talk radio, reading blogs, posting blog entries, watching news on Yahoo. I'm gonna at least try to finish washing the dishes and sorting through some papers.

I went to vote at 5:30 and there were only about a dozen people in line... I was a bit bummed because I wanted to yak and having something exciting to blog about (I didn't bring a book, but I would've known not to talk to that person and to be quiet and polite! (wink to Allie).

My town is weird -- part of it is really old fashioned folk (who you know had ancestors in the Appalachians), part of it is full of the newly immigrated Armenians/Arabs/Russians, part of it is very Latin, and one black fellow, who happens to lives next door to me (well, he feels like that anyway, and still feels wary walking my dog at night). It's also VERY, VERY Hollywood (lots of TV and studios are here), but much lower key -- like the best of suburb-living (!!!) in the middle of Manhattan (if you can imagine). But that's why I like it -- not to mention the police department is A-1! (I will never live in the LAPD district again... more stories for another day.)

Mine is a very working class neighboorhood and there was a lot of lovely español being spoken in my polling place. Signs were in three different Asian characters (Chinese, Japanese, Korean), Tagalog (Filipino), Vietnamese and something else I didn't recognize. So when a tall executive who looks like the blond Trump executive Carolyn Kepcher from "The Apprentice" emerges, it's neck-cranking. And when a hefty girl in jeans, and motorcycle garb and shorter-than-short hair comes out and revs up her Harley... well, it made the nice older hippy-dippy-lady-who-couldn't-find-her-polling-place exclaim:

"Oh. Isn't that a dainty bike?"

We all wanted to scream. MWAHAHAHA!

Classic Literature? Me?

You are The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!
People may not count you as "classic
literature" but you and I both know you're
very important. You're fun and British, or
pretend to be anyway. You live in the future
and rarely make any sort of sense. You'd also
enjoy the rest of the Hitchhiker
"Trilogy", and the Dirk Gently
Holistic Detective books.

Which Piece of Classic Literature are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I think my results are pretty funny, especially since I've NEVER picked up or BEEN a hitchhiker (though the fear kept my parents from giving me a car in college) and yes, I've admitted to wanting to be Eurotrash. Maybe there's more to this quiz than I thought...

That was a fun quiz (thanks YankeeBob!). So... what are you?

Appetite -- Back to NORMAL

Well, sorta... tummy's still tender, so Anita says it must have been some kind stomach flu. No one to blame I guess... except me for my soon-to-be-an-addiction to ginger ale.

I'm about to run out the door to spend the last thirty bucks until who-knows-when on Yvette's meds and then go and vote (hey, I've only been up for an hour), but of course I had to eat something and me being food-snob in my parents eyes ("if you don't have money, YOU DON'T GET TO HAVE ALBACORE!") had the BEST meal:

A bologna sandwich. Yum!

I'm having a hankering for Filipino spaghetti after YankeeBob's Spaghetti Story... oops I don't have any money... for being Filipino with a ton of spaghetti in the cabinet, I sure wish I knew how to make it. It kinda looks like canned spaghetti but it's sweet and hot(with sugar? not unlike sweet and sour sauce) and has both ground beef and VIENNA SAUSAGE or HOT DOGS in in.

Don't ask. My mother doesn't know how to make it either, she thinks it's not edible. I just like weird things and (mostly) weird textures like tapioca pearls in boba (wink to Stacey) and sashimi.

OOH, I just found a picture and a recipe -- she calls it Junk Food Spaghetti. Well, that's not very delicious sounding... but I want some anyway!

You can't know that about me!

Quick check in -- I am in The Pit. (Not as in Brad. I wish.) I went to bed in the wee morning, and except for me and doggy pee break, didn't get up until 8:15 pm. I'd say 17 hours in bed was in The Pit, wouldn't you?

So to get out of it, I decided to do another list -- yes, I love lists too. One of my friends read my 101 Things and there were only like 10 things she DIDN'T know and I thought, hey, that must've been me just tellin' history, not really revealing anything that no one knows. And after reading a couple of peoples 101 Lists, heck, I guess I'm just wanting to yak about myself more again.

Here goes:

1. I hate SUVs -- c'mon, how many people in LA really go off-roading in those suckers that burn up all that frickin' gas?
2. I've always hated my feet -- they're flat as all get out and look like they could climb coconut trees well. Alas, they'll NEVER look good in Manolos.
3. I did relax a little about them when a freaky lesbian chick (freaky chick, lesbian or not) told me I had beautiful feet -- because they were South Pacific feet. I kinda liked that.
4. Those aforementioned feet were the reason I never got to do dance. I'd gone to a family friend's dance recital when I was like in 2nd or 3rd grade and she did this little cowgirl number... I told my mom I wanted to dance and take ballet too and my mother said, "You have flat feet." End of story.
5. I'm a savory girl, not a sweets girl. Can pass dessert. Not the ribs.
6. I may have deflowered up to five different young men in my life when I was but a wee lass. I lost count, actually.
7. I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle and I don't care what the fuck the tube looks like.
8. I believe lite soy sauce is for wimps, although I'm getting a bit sensitive to the real stuff so I may be one of those wimps soon.
9. I'm a shitty pill taker. I have to take two everyday, and have a great 14-day streak going well.
10. I used to think I caused all the guys I knew in high school to become gay. But hey, I was in band, choir and drama -- couldn't some adult have told me it was inevitable and not my fault?!
11. I once worked the "bread station" at the college cafeteria and lost a contact toasting someone's raisin bread. Fortunately no one sued.
12. I hate fluorescent lights.
13. My favorite sushi is yellowtail, every which way.
14. My favorite sashimi is tuna -- YUM.
15. If it's got be cooked, it'll be eel.
16. I love quizzes and personality tests.
17. I'm an ENFP.
18. I once had bushy eyebrows. Plucked them in the 9th grade and they never grew back, which was SUCH a bummer when I was trying to do the Brooke Shields thing.
19. I once thought I could be Jewish for man I was mad for.
20. I then realized that there was no way I could believe that Jesus wasn't Him. So there went that idea... but the fella left before that.
21. I am terrified of getting married.
22. I am terrified of not having a husband and family.
23. #21 and #22 really screws with me a lot.
24. I am still registered at eharmony.com and still get matched up with great guys around the country who request communication. :) But I won't pay the money to get started again, not even at the 3-months-for-1 price. YET.
25. I hate those little subscribe cards and inserts in magazines and rip them out as soon as read one. Doesn't even have to be my magazine -- beware!
26. I also have a bad habit of curling pages in whatever I'm reading... it's hard not to do so I do my best not to borrow books.
27. I am finally going to let myself be courted. I don't need to give it up anymore -- you gotta really want me for that, otherwise I don't need or want YOU.
28. When Yvette goes, I will not get another pet until I have a yard or can afford a dogwalker.
29. I am one of the laziest people I know.
30. I HATE that I am lazy.
31. Yvette loves to sit under my desk when I'm at the computer and I love it when she does. She keeps these big feet warm.
32. I like to go barefoot indoors (drove my mother nuts) but am a tenderfoot outdoors.
33. I love dark, pegged and grooved hardwood floors. Had that in the little house my parents/aunt and uncle had bought for me and my "cousins."
34. I changed my name because of The Kabalarian Society and numbers.
35. I read Gone With the Wind when I was in the fifth grade. I always wanted to be like Scarlett.
36. I hated my name back then and had my bus driver call me "Melanie." Guess Scarlett was too obvious, and Melanie, she sure was sweet.
37. I really admire my godmother -- really independent, strong, sensitive and smart. And I always got so much attention from her, singing and exercising together when I was little.
38. Now that she's a recent widow (she met him at my baptism... he died the same day 44 years later) I feel incredibly helpless to help her because I still haven't grown up yet. UGH.
39. I had tons of teenage babysitters from the 4th grade up... they taught me about music (Old School R&B, boys and sneaking around Filipino parents).
40. Never snuck out of the house though... just wasn't real truthful about where I'd been.
41. I constantly struggle with being late.
42. Except for a movie or the theater. I am NEVER late for those things.
43. I hate that #41 and #42 are true.
44. I have always been a night owl.
45. I feel terribly guilty for being a night owl, but hold staunchly to the fact that I am one.
46. I am incredibly critical. Not judgmental -- critical. But I'll never tell you that. Unless you are Jack or my mother, because I get mean too.
47. Sometimes I trick myself into thinking I'm just a perfectionist. I'm not. I'm a critical son-of-a-gun.
48. Speaking of which, I want to shoot a gun. Not own one, just shoot one. I don't want to be afraid of them.
49. I love the color purple.
50. I love The Color Purple. I checked the book out in college when I knew I was going to be sick in bed because it had "purple" in the title and that meant Donny Osmond. hehehe
51. I have a dream one day to ice skate hand-in-hand with my husband at an outdoor skating rink. Which is pretty funny since Madley On Ice (M.O.I.) is a klutz (see Eskimo Girl on the sidebar of this page).
52. I only like dark meat on poultry -- thighs and wings, not legs.
53. I adore Eastern European accents -- and men.
54. I love cheese.
55. I love paté.
56. I love wine with both of the above -- hell, I love fine dining.
57. I love ethnic dining.
58. If I had to only eat one kind of food food for a year, it'd be Middle Eastern.
59. Can't do hot though. Tiny zing, but not spicy. What a waste.
60. I love Baskin-Robbins Capucchino Blasts and regularly get them at our local DRIVE-THRU B-R.
61. I'm a drive-thru fiend, and I never wait to eat at home.
62. I like to park somewhere and listen to the radio in peace while I eat my gourmet drive-thru food.
63. If I HAVE to go to the grocery store, I only go after 11:00 pm.
64. I love Whole Foods but can't afford it often.
65. Trader Joe's is okay.
66. I hate nickels. Pennies and nickels. I kick them out of my wallet all the time and put them in my coin jar.
67. I just learned how to play Texas Hold 'Em from my dad and I love it.
68. If I could make a living playing poker, I would. Remember #29.
69. If there was a fire in my apartment, I'd only take my dog, my photos and my journals.
70. I've just discovered "Magic Shoes" -- they're my awesome running shoes (although I don't run). Everytime I put them on I feel like I can do anything, like I have energy. I should probably keep them on more often.
71. At this moment I have four pairs of shoes, two pairs of socks and three bras within one foot of my computer.
72. I can't wait every week to do the TV Guide crossword puzzle.
73. I am The Great Procrastinator.
74. When I get money, the first thing I want to spend it on is food, a book or a class.
75. I worship at the feet of whoever created Adobe Photoshop.
76. I've only bought one pair of pajamas for myself in my life. My mother keeps me well-stocked.
77. I can't sleep without something on my shoulders (a sleeve) and can't stand to have socks on.
78. I once was addicted to 12-hour Afrin nosespray in college and was "shooting up" every hour. It was rough coming off of that stuff, and I still have to watch it. Dang nostrils -- they're too small!
79. When strangers were given a survey about which of 200 words they thought I was with just looking at me and not knowing or speaking to me, the number #1 word was WARM. It made me want to gag. Of course, I wanted to be SEXY.
80. That was for a fantastic marketing class for actors -- and I learned more about myself in that class than I ever did in all the shrinks' offices I sat in.
81. I have crappy vision, don't think I can tolerate lenses very well anymore and am too chicken to get lasix.
82. I don't think I could ever do plastic surgery on my face because I saw on TV what the actual surgery looks like.
83. But if I ever got skinny enough again, I'd get these boobs lifted in a second.
84. If I had to be a nurse like my mom (and I knew I wouldn't be when I was five), I'd be in Labor and Delivery or the Nursery or NICU. I used to visit the babies when we'd pick her up from work -- and I've actually thought of being a Mid-Wife. Unfortunately...
85. I've always sucked at science. Flunked two courses for science-idiots in college and only passed Chemistry for Dummies because I had a crush on the Professor Deardorff.
86. I guess I didn't need to know why things were -- they just were and that was fine by me. PEOPLE were more fascinating.
87. I met up with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in 31 years last year for the first time since she moved from California to Oklahoma. The second time I meet her is tonight. If I don't oversleep.
88. I have to sleep with a light on most of the time.
89. I told a waiter three days ago the three Russian phrases I knew: Hello, Welcome to Los Angeles and Thank You. I was mortified (well, not really) when I realized I sounded like a hooker!
90. I used to run 12 miles a week. (I had a trainer though.)
91. It makes me nuts when someone kisses my neck. Oooooohhhh...
92. Or blows gently in my ear. Yowee.
93. I'm a Sunday's child ("good and wise and fair and [not] gay")
94. There's only one thing I can't write about here or anywhere because I think it would hurt my family.
95. If I show stress anywhere, it's with a headache. I am an Aries, after all.
96. My favorite date of the year is March 12th. That's G3rry Alt@mero's birthday. And when my sister-in-law was getting induced with her third child during that week in March and asked me was there a date she thought was better than any other, I said immediately "March 12th!" So my nephew was born exactly 40 years to the day of G3rry Alt@mero. Maybe one of these days I'll get to tell him that. He'll probably croak. (Edited 3/30/07: I told his cousins (the bakers) and by the way they acted afterwards, HE MOST LIKELY DID CROAK.)
97. They've always said my oldest niece was my clone. I taught her how to stand up for herself when people said that, because that's a miserable way to grow up, in someone's shadow. So she'd say, "I might look like my auntie, but I'm just me" when she was 6-7 years old. YAY for her!
98. Luckily she's 11 and growing up much differently than I, and I'm proud of her and her own accomplishments. I used to feel sorry for her if she was gonna be like me.
99. I've always been REALLY JEALOUS of cute, tiny, delicate, pretty, Filipino girls ("balingkinitan"). It still takes me aback how instant a reaction it is in me, even now.
100. I like tall guys.
101. I love drinking out of straws -- all sizes, from teeny cocktail ones to the huge boba ones (see photo -- boba drink with "pearl" chewy thingys..). Anything so I don't have to crank my neck and drink out of a bottle.

Okay, Miss D -- tell me your list of what you never knew is longer! ;)