Girlfriends with Boyfriends

I’m a bit bent out shape right now – wide-awake after a very ill-timed nap. But at least I made it from 7:30 am to 7:00 pm fairly energetically (a normal person’s schedule!) – except for the drive back to the valley. I don’t know how I GOT home, as I was too sleepy to remember. Boy, do I hate that.

Today, we started planning the next year at The Apposta School, and we were about checking in, catching up, a little bit o’ gossip and all around girly-bonding. It was lovely. I told the ladies that on the way to lunch I had mentioned to a fellow classmate that TL didn’t have “relationship” on her radar for us… that what’s on our plates for our fourth year is has to be our top priority.

Well, TL blew a gasket! (Not really, but you get it.) “How could you not think that I haven’t been holding that for you – there’s nothing more I want for you (and the other student) to each have an intimate, sexual relationship! It’s the best way for your issues to come up and be dealt with.”

“I’m sorry, TL, you just never mentioned that, so I stopped thinking about it. You know, I still have to get off my mother’s tit and clean my house first.”

“Yes, you do. And I’m holding “relationship” for you because if we actually started to even talk about it – YOU WOULD FALL OUT. You’re not ready to even get near that topic – do you think you can just go out there and get a date right now?”

(I’m sure I grimaced or something equally as transparent.)

“See? I’m holding something for all of you that I haven’t told you yet because you’re not ready to deal with it.”

We all start to panic a little, and I tell her that contrary to my regular desire for full disclosure, she can just keep on holding “that” – whatever it is. I just like the feeling of someone having my best interests at heart when I can’t do it myself.

So I think that is what my funky feeling must be now. I’m all twisted about “relationship” – I thought I was in charge of it, and apparently I’m not! And now that Guiding Light has a boyfriend and isn’t there for me (and us as a team) 150% like she usually is… I’m REALLY feeling out of sorts. Of course, she’s the most polite thing about it all… and I actually call her tonight like our night talk fest and she’s home brushing her teeth.

“Ah,” I say, “you must be staying home tonight.”

“I am,” she says. “But not alone.”

So we talk for another few minutes – then, “Mad…”

“He’s here?”

“He’s here.”

“Okay, well, tell him hi. See you tomorrow.”

I wish no ill will on girlfriends who get/have boyfriends. I’m not even jealous (see how I can’t even BROACH the subject?). But it’s like that ripple effect saying… when one person changes, there’s a ripple effect in the world and we all have to adjust. I hate that I have to adjust at all.

Or maybe it’s the whole “relationship thing” really DOES have me tweaked out. Probably.

I'm glad my teacher can "hold it for me" right now. I need that.