Hot off the press and
making our blood pressures high.

Dear N,

I already know how feel, finally... I don't have to wait for HER2 retreat to begin and end this weekend.  Because until last night, I was letting myself feel ANYTHING... until I watched this "Grey's Anatomy" last night, the aftermath after Derek's death.

All of a sudden I was Meredith, trying to survive without "my" him.  And I couldn't stop weeping.  It was hard to admit to Pam at Denny's when she asked me:  "Do you love him?" because I was so pissed off at what I thought was an idiot move on his part, to try and leave me.

Simbanggabi, 2014

But last night, that's all I could say:  "I love you.  I love you.  I love you."

And "I don't want to live without you.  Ever."

Yes, I'm an emotional drama queen... but now acknowledging how I feel freed me up to admit how hurt I am, instead of being the "strong" one.  I can weep.  I can grow.  I can move.

As Joel says, quoting "The Tao of Steve" I must stay busy and "Be excellent." And most of all, of course, pray.

Happy 2013!

I never imagined a year "Twenty-Thirteen" and it still feels weird to say. I guess that just means I'm in new territory now... LIVING IN THE PRESENT.

I kinda like that :)

This picture of Romy and me was taken on the third day of my third Simbang Gabi season... since I'm kind of "banned" to post on Facebook about him (okay, he's more private than I am... I think almost everybody is) I can at least enjoy it here, right?

So much happened this 2012... just going to multiply it now... and this year about GROWING UP. Healthy, strong, prosperous, loving, creative and happy. That's it.

I happy just thinking about it! That's it for now...

Oh, and Niece #1 is blogging now... so proud of that girl, she's one heck of a wonderful chica! The Shades of Chic ...Go over there and say hi! :)

"If You Love Me"

I don´t wanna rain on this parade
But I´m starting to question the love that was made
I´m not looking for just an affair
I want a love that is based on truth, not just dare

You will not hurt my pride
If right now you decide
That you are not ready to settle down
But if you want my heart
Then it´s time that you start
To act like you´re mine, in the light and the dark

x2:
If you love me, say it
If you trust me, do it
If you want me, show it
If you need me, prove it

You see now actions speak louder than words
So don´t just say things that I´ve already heard
Don´t want your body without your soul
I don´t want a love who will come here and go

You will not hurt my pride
If right now you decide
That you are not ready to settle down
But if you want my heart
Then it´s time that you start
To act like you´re mine, in the light and the dark

x3:
If you love me, say it
If you trust me, do it
If you want me, show it
If you need me prove it

Say it...do it...show it...prove it

Oh I, oh I, I wanna touch you baby
And spread my love all around you honey
And if you care, you gotta show it baby
True love to share

Show it... prove it... say it... do it (x7)
(Oh...my sweet baby...)

[...]

Show it... prove it... say it... do it...
It´s time to be out"

You've Grown Up Since Last Time...

Last everything... last post, last man, last year. My responses to any stimuli NOW resembles that of a mature person, one who thinks before she speaks.

I think.

He did something that for a second time... the first time he did it, it upset and angered me so much I actually blew up and lost my temper. IN PUBLIC. To my CHOIR. Ugh. I was trying so hard to tamp it down, but my feelings were just oozing out of every pore... and got blurted out of my mouth.

How fucking embarrassing.

Then surprise, surprise... a month later, HE DID IT AGAIN. In public. Around HIS group of church folk. Nice.

But I know better. I smiled, I kissed hello. I sat down at the concert, I did my "marketing work", I escorted my parents off to their car, worked with the prayer group, pretended nothing was wrong.

He calls me this morning while he's off again with his playmate: "I'm busy, but just so you know I'm not ignoring you, I'll talk to you tonight after mass at party."

"Yes," I say. "We'll have time to talk." Which is pretty darn close to what Steve Harvey says is the worst thing women can say that make men quake (after "I'm pregnant."): I said, "We need to talk."

I hope he's shaking in his boots.

"I'm so surprised you did what you did -- again. Wow. I know we're not officially "anything" -- as you say, "I'm not married to anyone!" -- and yet you say that I'm special.

"Well that kind of behavior doesn't make me feel special at all. It makes me feel unimportant, and most of all DUPED. Secrets/surprises like last night SUCK and it doesn't make me want to be close to you at all. In any way.

"I'm not telling you what to do... you're a grown man, you can do what you want, single and free, right?

"I just won't tolerate that kind behavior... I don't trust you value me the way you say you do. Maybe that's not what you intended, you were trying to "protect" me... but that's what I got. That's it.

"I treat my pets better than how you "thought" of me last night, and I don't appreciate it. Maybe your other friends do... but I'm not playing anymore, I'M OUT OF THE DAMN SANDBOX.

"Right now, I hate you."

"Love You Madly" -- my new theme song :)

Sung by the incomparable Miss Ella Fitzgerald (thanks for the heads up, John) -- "love me, right or wrong!":

Love You Madly

Discombobulated

Fell sleep at 6:30 this morning, then shot out of bed at 8:45 wide awake, energetic. Maybe it was just manic. God "said" get your ass to church so I was there in 20 minutes.

The rest of the day is haze. Got in a mess with my dad (absolutely my fault), and I've been sitting in the muck of it (after the apologies, head hangin' low and giving each other space -- AKA avoiding the hell out of... well, you know).

That's when I realized I've let myself slip again -- not taking care of myself, not paying attention to my own wants and needs. Like not taking my meds consistently since Simbang Gabi. I could be reacting physically to not having my drugs, not eating right, and definitely not moving.

No wonder I feel like crap. Put an emotional conflict on top of that? I just want to run. Or hide. Or both. Hence today's tweet:

Simple Blessing #6: Driving around at 2:45 am, listening to LA talk radio, thinking (or not) and just being my old vampire self.

I don't like that "ME" much anymore, but tonight... it was like an old comfortable pair of sneakers. I just want to get out.

The Bonfire

Yesterday, New Year's Day, my whole family sat around a huge round table at dim sum (love those tables -- there's no head/hierarchy), happy and full. So I took advantage of those sated stomachs to tell them how special it was for me that we be together, all 11 of us, at least one day a year. Especially since the kids are starting to go away to college.

Brother1 asked Niece1 which college she wanted to go to so he would know specifically what college to light a candle for. She balked and didn't want to say, to not jinx it or raise everyone's -- including her own -- expectations.

But Brother1 insisted: "I don't want to have to light 15 candles!" (for all the schools she applied to). She finally admitted her #1 to a school in SoCal (yay from me!).

Then Sis-in-Law2 (her mom) says, "What about Nephew1, so he can get into BCP (high school)?"

Bro1: "I'm sure he's already a shoe-in, so he doesn't need a candle."

Me: "We'll just light a match for him then." (LOL. Later Nephew1 asked if he could at least have a lighter. Sure, Dude, you can have a lighter!)

So then I add: "Since we're all lighting candles and matches -- I want you all to light an extra candle for TWO things for me this year--"

Bro1: "A BMI of 30?"

(Ooh, he's quick.)

Me: "You got it, Bro1. Actually I only need to get to a BMI of 35, but more importantly, I want a kidney this year, and I want the transplant. I'm finally ready -- and I really need to have my life back, wherever that is."

Sis-in-Law2: "Okay, that's good, 'Day -- yes, of course! And the second thing?"

Me: "Well, as you can see, there are only 11 people around this table. If you notice, there's someone that's missing..."

One of the kids: "You want a dog?"

Um, NO. Not now, anyway.

Sis-in-Law2: "Ah... You want to get married!"

YIKES. I immediately back off (that fear-of-commitment thingy rearing its head): "I don't have to get MARRIED, but after all these years, I finally want to find my life's partner--"

"We're gonna need a bonfire for that."

Thanks, Bro1, ya got the line of the night. The tabled roared -- and I still giggle when I think about it. :) But I don't care... a bonfire IS what I probably need, and the bigger the better. Truly.

So... I'm thanking you in advance: please find a BONFIRE to light -- for me, my kidney and my man.

A Mellow Merry Christmas

Who knew when I went to the first St Edward's Simbang Gabi five years ago I'd be conducting the choir... and my life has made a huge shift...

Simbang Gabi has ended and I have to be at the Hall to rehearse for our last mass. Christmas morning mass, which I didn't expect to have to do... but we're making it easy... we sang most of this yesterday.

Why mellow? Hm... my heart hasn't been this open in a long, long time. To combine it with (1) impossibility, (2) a core issue about myself, (3) this incredible Filipino music (4) and this creative project ENDING...

I can't keep myself together, it really has been so long. Tears won't stop... And I can't tell if it's better to stay closed and cerebral or be this open and raw...

What a blessing and miracle to have this Simbang Gabi choir experience. Thank God.

Kevin's Yearbook Ad

Write Now

"If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." -- Henry David Thoreau

I wish I could remember where I heard this -- a man on television said it, and I forced myself to remember SOMETHING about it until I could get to a computer. All I remembered was "common hour." Well, good enough for me for now :)

I decided to write again after a year and three months. Lately so many of my friends have become terrific blog writers (Heidi, Andrew, Meredyth and yes, my brother Jeff as well), I didn't think I was anything but drivel. Fancy layouts, Google Adspace, insightful philosophies and observations. etc. -- I thought to revise mine and maybe try to make money? Get lots of hits? Get known? Meet new people?

Natch.

All I needed was to read that someone else was very purposely using their blog as a journal, for nobody but themselves. Now THAT'S me! I've been trying to "live in the now" (thanks Eckhart Tolle) which means I've got a memory of sieve. So... my blog is here to be my memory.

(Where did I hear that line: "I'll be your memory"... ah, Nick Nolte in "The Prince of Tides.")

She cooks? She cooks!

I just finished making a Tomato Feta Pasta Salad (by Ina -- we're on a first name basis now, ha) and it tastes fab!

Shocked? You should be because I haven't set foot in a kitchen (to prepare a real meal other than sandwiches) in ages. But now, out of necessity -- my taste buds are bored w/ rice everyday -- I dared.

It also helps that Mom announced a few weeks ago that she was bored with her own food. So enter Miss Creativity completely motivated by an palate-adventurous set of parents (aka "an audience"). Now cooking sounds fun as fun as it looks on the Food Network or Anthony Bourdain, and I only committed to one night a week. (Today, Sunday, was an exception... I got inspired going to the Newark farmer's market.

I've done two Wednesdays now, and both were successful: they liked it, they ate it, and nobody got sick. Well... sorta. Mom's tummy didn't like the mango sorbet we had for dessert (too sour) -- sorry, Ma.

First time out:
Bruschetta apps
Roast Chicken (can't find the recipe)
Moroccan Pilaf (Emeril)
Green beans
Mango sorbet

Second time:
Caprese apps
Salmon with Lemon, Capers and Rosemary (Giada)
Oven Roasted Red Potatoes w/ Rosemary and Garlic (Paula)
Asparagus
Vaniila ice cream

How fun that I have (well, we all have) access to delicious recipes from the coolest chefs and you can search for everything online (I only search for EASY things for now, and desserts? Hm... not quite ready for primetime yet).

I'm having fun for now, and I don't feel like a nerdy-birdy in the kitchen anymore. Mom leaves me alone and she has practically everything I need, though I did find a mini-food processor on sale today -- and it's mine all mine!

Dad keeps asking for mungo -- a Filipino bean dish that I've never cared for -- and I keep telling him NO WAY. I'm not going to make them food that they make themselves, otherwise what's the point?! Then he teases me: "Are we having spaghetti tonight?" because that's all I'd admit to knowing how to make over the years. NO DAD, WE ARE NOT HAVING SPAGHETTI!

Wednesday's coming up and I don't know what I'll make yet. Yummy... got any easy faves for me? :)

Hey, I can dance!

Never looked so lithe before (Thanks Janis)!

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Just a man. Just being polite.

"Just waiting for Anna."

Bullshit.

<-- (That's his avatar for Yahoo Messenger -- funny, for being someone so goddamn uncomfortable in a tux, he sure likes the way he looks in it, huh? S.O.B.)

Hey there Missy,

Re: the used bookstore: Funny, I can picture being IN that bookstore, but not the name of it -- sorry :( It was in North Hollywood though (I think!).

I'm pretty shitty right now... had to go to dialysis three days in a row because my machine wasn't working... what a pain in the ass. And you're right about it all being a motherfuckin' comedy -- but it's just not funny to me yet, so definitely not write-able. It will be, I'm sure. Someday. Maybe even soon.

Gotta go through these stinkin' stages of grief or something -- and today, boy did I walk into something retarded that just FINALLY made me MOTHERFUCKIN' ANGRY! (I keep typing that and I think "Missy will know whether or not this is a hyphenated word, two words or a compound word -- or if it even motherfuckin' MATTERS! Yikes.)

In any case, thanks for talking me down a tree the other night... now I'm up another one (The "You-Fuckin'-Loser-Asshole-Person-With-A-Goddamn-Fucked-Up-Thinking-With-Your-Penis-Brain" Tree. Ah... now that feels better. :)

Anyway, like I wrote today: When I get all sappy/sad/sucky, I remind myself that "I" was the one who cut and run and there was a reason for it. So THERE! Hello Me.

And now I'm going to sleep and dream my some wicked-ass revenge nightmares.

Have a good weekend :)
Me

When by some Miracle of Miracles...

Still raw. Did I make a huge mistake?



Look at how he looks at her
Will someone ever I look at me that way-
Full of all the feelings and the soft
Unspoken words that lovers say?
I thought that I knew ev'ry single
Look and sweet expression on his face,
Yet this is one that I don't recognize,
Although I've sat and studied him for hours.
But now I see how love completely occupies
A pair of' eyes...

See the way' they gaze at her,
Like slaves they follow every where she goes.
Do my eyes forget themselves
And do I ever look at him
And smile in such a way
That what I'm feeling shows?
Sometimes I have the feeling
Everybody knows...
And even though it's crazy,
Still I can't help wondering
If I'll ever live to see the day
When by some miracle of miracles,
He'll turn around
And look at me that way!

Need You Now

I will be going back to the Bay Area -- the scene of the crime -- in a few hours and I'm feeling super-anxious and moody about it all. Did this week away help? YES... and I'm grateful to my hosts. Am I "done"? No frickin' way.

Just heard this today back from dinner -- it's perfect.



Picture perfect memories
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause I can’t fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t come but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey can’t stop looking at the door.
Wishing you’d come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time.

It’s a quarter after one I’m a little drunk
And I need you now.
Said I wouldn’t call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without I just need you now.

Yes I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
It’s a quarter after one I’m all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn’t call but I’m a little drunk and I need you now.
And I don’t know how I can do without I just need you now.
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

Wishing on a Star

Funny, this song was always about me and Matt T's song in high school. We were never boyfriend/girlfriend... but very good, good friends who got together a lot. :)

When I came back my first Christmas from college, I threw a Christmas party at my mom's house, and yes, I wanted it stacked with more dudes because I was a selfish -- or probably more to the truth, insecure -- chick back then. Ended up there was about 15 guys -- and TWO, count 'em TWO girls there! So basically it was a non-alcoholic cocktail party w/ the fellas -- OOPS.

Now I don't know how my little brother Jeff knew this, but I heard him tell his fellow 9th grader, Archie: "Hey, watch this." And he put this song, Wishing on a Star" on the stereo.

Like a magnet, wherever Matt and I were in the house, we zoomed in on each other at met in the living room to slow dance. (Remember those, SLOW DANCES? LOL) And then I heard Jeff say to Archie: "See, I told you."

That memory always makes me smile... Hi Matt T, wherever you are.

But now... yeah, it's a Brad song. Wherever YOU are.




I'm wishin' on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishin' on a dream
To follow what it means

I'm wishin' on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishin' on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows
That I see
I wish on all the people
Who really dream

And I'm wishin' on tommorow
Praying it'll come
And I'm wishin' on all the lovin'
We've ever done

I never thought I'd see
A time when you would be
So far away from home
So far away from me

Just think of all the moments
That we spent
I just can't let you go,
For me, you were meant

And I didn't mean to hurt you,
But I know
That in the game of lovin',
You reap what you sow

I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
Make the best of things, oh baby,
When we're together,
Whether or never.

I feel it's time we should make up, baby,
I feel it's time for us to get back together
Make the best of things, oh baby,
When we're together,
Whether or never.

I'm wishin' on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishin' on a dream
To follow what it means

And I wish on all the rainbows
That I see
I wish on all the people
We ever greeted

And I'm hopin' on all the days to come
And days to go
And I'm hopin' on days of
Lovin' you so

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a star, oh oh,
And I wish on all the rainbows that I see--

I'm wishin' on a star
To follow where you are...

Dreaming

I thought I'd be blogging everyday for 30 days here so as not to whine, cry and obsess to my friends on Twitter and Facebook... but it seems I can't really do that here either. I sit in Sacramento w/ my dear friend, and I tell her I can't think of anything else or talk about anything else because I'm so aware of how frickin' BORING it is. She tells me that's why I'm here, and that's why SHE'S here... but still, I'm sure even the bestest of friends can only take so much... hell, even if "Brad" himself were reading this now, he'd be screaming UNCLE right now to stop this boring shit...

No matter how much I try to distract myself or keep my mouth shut though... it all comes out in my dreams. Every time I sleep I've dreamed some heavy-ass story. People say I'm "having a meetin' with all the important players" or "Your subconscious mind/spirit/soul is processing all this in your sleep because the awake you cannot handle it." I know he'd think that was a good thing, because he knew how little good, quality sleep I get... he'd say I was getting good REM sleep in those ZZZZZZZZZzzzzz... but this morning is the FIRST TIME that HE was in it. Funny, I've even dreamt about Brad Jr., but never him.

Only in this dream... he was the Brad I knew in high school. Not today's Brad, who's 6 ft/240 and built like a football player -- but Brad at 15, 5 ft tall/74 pounds. Maybe that's because that's who I really see, the heart of the young Brad to whom I was so special back then... but I digress.

Triangles... this dream was all about triangles. I was going to try out a new therapist, but she ended up being my old therapist in Beverly Hills that I adored. But in the huge waiting room, there were lots of people there to see her... I was there after working out and showering in a co-ed locker room (wow, that's weird) and I found out there was an older woman who was going to see Dr. Therapist because she and her girlfriend were fighting: she wanted to be with ME. Huh?

I was there because I was struggling the triangle between Brad and his soon-to-be ex-wife who still owned his heart... and he was there because of his issue with her... vs. a new, hopeful life without her. Funny it wasn't between ME and HER, it was between HER and HIS NEW LIFE... and I was a part of that.

The waiting room was crazy. Watching it I thought "Is this a frickin' clinic or what -- what happened to her Beverly Hills office?" Young Brad was clinging to me, sitting really close, while the lesbian woman kept trying to talk to me, with her girlfriend in tow. At one point I stood up and told her I wanted to be with HIM, and then he stood up too and grabbed my hand... and we were almost a foot apart in height, and his hand was smaller and delicate, not like the strong, earthy, working man's hands I know and love today. That kind of shocked me... BUT I DIDN'T CARE, and gratefully, neither did he... and he climbed up on a step, got to my height, and kissed me in front of her.

"She's choosing me," he said to her. "So leave her alone."

Then I got called in to the therapy room. Dr. Therapist wasn't quite ready for me... but I didn't care. I had it all figured out already in the past few minutes: I didn't believe in triangles. Period. "Love on a TWO-way street" as the old R&B classic goes, not a lonely (or three-lane) highway!

It felt great to "meet" you tonight, Mr. Brad. I miss you.

Muli

Thank you for this and the loose translation, Inday Perlita.



Araw gabi, bakit naalala ka at di ko malimot limot ang sa atin ay nagdaan
(Day ang night always remember you and couldn't forget what just happened)

Kung nagtatampo ka ay kailangan bang ganyan, dinggin and dahilan at ako'y pagbigyan
(If you're not feeling well, you don't have to act like that but please listen to my reasons and give me a chance)

Kailangan ko ang tunay na pagibig mo dahil tanging ikaw lang ang pintig ng puso ko
(I needed your sincere love cause my heart is only for you)

Hahayaan mo ba na maging ganoon na lang - ang isa't isa ay mayroong pagdaramdam
(Will you just leave it like that - needed to express words to each other)

At kung nagkamali sa iyo patawad ang pagsamo ko, tayo nat ulitin ang pagibig natin ngunit ikaw lang at ako, ngunit ikaw lana at ako...
(If I did something wrong, forgiveness is being requested, let's start all over
again in terms of our relationship but it should only be you and me... it
should only be you and me...)

Bakit di pagbigyan muli and ating pagmamahalan, kung mawawala ay di ba sayang naman, lumipas natin tila ba kailan lang...
(Why don't we give our love another chance, it will be a total waste if we're going to
just end this relationship considering our recent, happy past...)

Oh God... grant me the serenity...

I miss you, I miss you. I MISS YOU.

I never had it so good before... and yes, of course I'm grateful.

But it doesn't make me miss you less.

I let you go and am letting us both off the hook. And still, for today... I pray you come back to me.



What are you doing the rest of your life?
North and south and east and west of your life?
I have only one request of your life
That you spend it all with me.

All the seasons and the times of your days.
All the nickels and the dimes of your days.
Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days.
All begin and end with me.

I want to see your face,
In every kind of light,
In fields of gold and
Forests of the night;
And when you stand before
The candles on a cake.
Oh let me be the one to hear
The silent wish you make.

Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes
In the world of love you keep in your eyes,
I'll awaken what's asleep in your eyes,
It may take a kiss or two...

Through all of my life...
Summer, winter, spring and fall of my life,
All I ever will recall of my life
Is all of my life with you.

As quick as it came...

It's gone.

I didn't even get a chance to blog about him, my "Guy A" or (pseudonym) "Brad." I wanted to be in the moment, not put labels on it, enjoy where we are -- where I was. There are a few pictures, but our world was made mostly of long powerful talks -- and quiet caresses.

This week was so powerful... two days in the City, and a Saturday afternoon with old, old friends. and kind of an official "coming out" as a couple... again, I've never done that before. It felt right, it felt good. To be part of a twosome, to do my social flitting-about at the Reunion, but to come home to his table where he and his son were quietly enjoying themselves as well. And for the first time, he called me his girlfriend. Why did he do that? We never talked about our status... I thought we agreed to stay in the "Now." But that afternoon, I heard him say something about his "girlfriend" -- and he meant me.

But my best memory is feeding him a few spoonfuls of my Tomato Bisque soup at dinner. How intimate that can be -- that was a shock.



I'm not willing to live
Blinded by another lover
who leads me on
'Cause they know just how to give
Just enough to get what they want
And then they're gone

Well I've been there and done that before
But this time I'm going through another door
Give me something real now
That I can feel now
Hit me with a love that won't let go
If you're gonna choose me don't refuse me
Baby, show me what you've got
And give me something real.

True love has no disguise
You shouldn't have to make your feelings a mystery
There's no room for surprise
Not inside a heart that's aching for honesty
'Cause I've followed illusions before
But daydreams don't do it for me anymore

Give me something real now
That I can feel now
Hit me with a love that won't let go
If you're gonna choose me don't refuse me
Baby, show me what you got
And give me something real
We can share a feeling so rare
Let's make a love of our own

What's past is past
So let's make this last
Show me what I've never known

Give me something real now
That I can feel now
Hit me with a love that won't let go
If you're gonna choose me don't refuse me.
Baby, show me what you've got
And give me something real.

If Only For One Night

PAIN, PAIN, PAIN... and a heavy heart. Slicing up my arm is less painful that this.

Can one really be in love with the "idea" of a person and not what's really in front of them?

Today... I'm a fool.



Let me hold you tight
If only for one night
Let me keep you near
To ease away your fear
It would be so nice
If only for one night

I won't tell a soul
No one has to know
If you want to be totally discreet
I'll be at your side
If only for one night

Your eyes say things I never hear from you
And my knees are shakin too
But I'm willing to go through
I must be crazy
Standing in this place
But I'm feeling no disgrace

For asking......

Let me hold you tight
If only for one night
Let me keep you near
To ease away your fear
It would be so nice
If only for one night

I tell you what I need is
One night, one night oh (and oh, oh)
What I need is
One night, one night
Of your love, of you love, of your loving ooh
I'm asking...

Let me take you home
To keep you safe and warm
Till the early dawn
Warms up to the sun
It would be so nice if only for one night

If only for one night
If only for one night
If only for one night, night, night, yeah one night
If only for one......... night

Talk about "Technicalities"...

This sh*t is hard.

"Blue" Zucchini

So much to yak about re: the 50th Wedding Anniversary Party and that will come up in another post.

In the meantime, here's a little after-event giddiness from Mom, who loves anything a little bit "blue." :)

Dialysis at Sea

At lunch just now I was excited to tell my parents that there are cruises that have dialysis centers in them, but mostly for people who do peritoneal dialysis, not hemodialysis like what I do.

"But, can you imagine! There's a whole cruise line for dialysis, it's called Dialysis at Sea--"

"Boring."

Wow... deflated.

"Thanks, Mom. Way to kill any kind of enthusiasm. What do you think, it's just a bunch of sick-ass people lying around getting dialysis on a boat? Forget it."

Sigh. I'm on my own here.