Mother's Day

That's my mama -- she looks pretty good for being 81, eh? (No worries, she's proud to brag!)

I was up in the Bay Area this past weekend and had a full day with my family, who I don't get to see very often or for very long. What a whirlwind -- Scott's in San Jose for a beautiful extended family brunch, the afternoon at Jeffy's house for siesta (of course!), Vietnamese dinner w/ him and Susan in Newark, mass at 8:00 pm, then a little walk to visit with Jo-Anne, Auntie Gloria and Uncle Joe. All the while got some great "live feedback from laughing Filipinos" on the Salo-Salo trailer to share with Travis -- who knew that "bawiin mo yan" ("take that back!") was such a hilarious line?! They all HOWL at the line... and my mom especially loves the heart-ripping out scene.

"Like an aswang!" she says (a witch).

Here are those San Jose munchkins that I adore, Stephanie, Kevin and Chris:

I didn't want to go to church -- who wants to go at 8:00 at night? -- but Mom was hounding me, so what the heck, it's Mother's Day, and I didn't think it wasn't going to kill me...

At the end of mass, Father Jeff asked that all the mothers and grandmothers stay standing and everyone else to please sit down. He was going to give all the mothers a blessing and our gratitude.

And as I sat, the tears just poured out of my eyes: I couldn't believe I wasn't standing, that I wasn't a legitimate "Mom."

I'm so very thankful for my wonderful nieces and nephews and godchildren... and still, that is a big "ouch." I think it always will be.

Happy Mother's Day.

"Trying" at The Colony Theatre

I couldn't get a ticket last summer... but I saw it tonight and am so, so glad I did... even if it was after work and I was cold and... talk about being proud to work at The Colony now!

It caught me by surprise... Alan Mandell and Rebecca Mozo got an instant standing ovation... and I can't stop thinking about it.

Go see it. It's not often you see a play -- or performances -- about life like this. I've been inspired... and changed.

[FOR MORE INFO, check The Colony's website.]

Salo-Salo Trailer

Okay, The "Adobo Manak" Man, Travis Kraft, is at it again -- with a trailer for his new cooking surprise...

Only this time, yours truly was actually "working" this shoot -- that's me yelling "Ang guapo mo, Travis!" and also shaking a bit, TRYING to keep the camera steady on his arm while he's tying his shoe ;)

Enjoy... whaddya think?

Encore: "Dahil Sa Iyo"

It's been a few weeks now, and I thought I'd share this now... it meant a lot to me that day for a lot of different reasons and a lot of different people...



I heard this classic Filipino song for years growing up but never had the chance to learn it until now. (Please excuse my crazy American accent!)

I sung it as a surprise encore (you can hear the "oohs" and "ahhs"!) -- for Mom and Dad. Salamat po!

DAHIL SA IYO (Because of You)

Music by Mike Velarde
Lyrics by Dominador Santiago
Myrna Emata, piano

DAHIL SA 'YO, NAIS KONG MABUHAY
(Because of you, I want to live)
DAHIL SA 'YO, HANGGANG MAMATAY
(Because of you, until I die)
DAPAT MONG TANTUIN WALA NG IBANG GILIW
(You must know, you're my only love)
PUSO KO'Y TANUNGIN, IKAW AT IKAW RIN.
(Search my heart, it's you and only you.)

DAHIL SA 'YO, AKO'Y LUMIGAYA
(Because of you, joy came into my life)
PAGMAMAHAL AY ALAYAN KA
(Undying love I offer to you)
KUNG TUNAY MAN AKO AY ALIPININ MO
(Can this be true, I am under your spell)
ANG LAHAT SA BUHAY KO'Y DAHIL SA 'YO.
(All that I am, is because of you)

Occidental College, Bird Studio
Los Angeles, California

No regrets!

The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity.

Helen Rowland, A Guide to Men, 1922
(1876 - 1950)

My Milonga -- the scoop

I'm so proud of this piece... and this day.



So much drama around the darn thing! I started it in 2003 when my composition professor, Bruno Louchouarn assigned it to the Comp I classes instead of the standard "invention."

"You have to write for different voices in a tango as well... why not write something you can use?"

He's not only a genius, but a practical sort as well!

Flash forward five years: Thursday night before the recital, and this thing is hot off the press as I head off to Oxy for my one and only rehearsal. It just doesn't want to get done! I can listen to all the Astor frickin' Piazzolla in the world and cry dramatic, heartfelt, longing tears -- I CAN'T FINISH IT! So I show up with 90% of it done, and a B-section that is a SHELL of what it should be.

BTW, did I mention I spent the whole day trying to track down a violin player? Thought I had one... then I didn't! (Who the hell scheduled these recitals on Passover weekend anyway?!) On the horn all day while trying to write, attend a rehearsal, pay for rehearsal space at ANMT... fortunately I ran into Elise Dewsberry's husband there, Stephen Green, a professional cellist, who took out his blackberry or some such device and gave me Jean Sudbury's number. By 3:00 pm, I had a violinist!

But Jean couldn't come to rehearsal that night. Fortunately, she's such a pro and does lots of tangos in her playing life, so she said she'd meet us at 12:30 the day of the recital to run through it a couple of times with the rest of the group. "It'll be fine!" she assured me... whew, what a relief! Okay, a little nervewracking, but I had some other fellas to meet.

Simeon Pillich, who's played with such greats as Al Jarreau, Burt Bacharach, The Stylistics, Melissa Etheridge and Alice Cooper, recorded numerous international film soundtracks and is now a professor at Oxy, had always been a buddy since my trying to finish in 2003. When I got out of my jury on March 18, my panel was worried about my getting personnel for this piece. Get them quickly, they said! I walked out of the room and there was Simeon. "Wanna play a tango for my recital?" "Sure!" he says... then proceeds to get me the wonderful UCLA senior and jazzman extraordinaire, Max Kaplan, on clarinet too!

Max and I talk a lot on the phone and tells me he and his violinist friend love to improv. I tell him the piece is simple... and I'll have music for him when we meet. So grateful he was willing to drive out from the westside.

I met my piano man, 18-year-old self-described "slacker" Michael Saucy at Stephen Bent's trombone/voice recital on March 30. He was playing big time jazz and was as cool (and cute!) as a button. I ask him if he's a music major: " don't know." Is he available to play for me: "Sure." I don't speak with him again for three weeks... but I know he'll be there.

8:00 pm, Thursday: I talk Max onto campus from the freeway and my guys are all there. I'm so embarrassed by the state of this music -- the parts are a mess, there are barely any articulation/dynamic markings, and I'm lucky I even have measure numbers in the darn thing. Thank goodness for pencils. :) And of course, there's no violin player.

But then that magic moment happens that (Professor) Andre Myers talks about -- the moment you hear your music off the page, off the computer... and in the hands of real musicians. We got through the first two sections... and I'm in heaven! This piece exists now way BEYOND ME... and it really is thrilling...

I forget though, that I've written what I think is a "simple" piano part for a professional pianist/accompanist that, of course, I can't play myself... and I just realize that Michael is an A-#1 jazz guy and improv man. Doesn't necessarily mean he's a good sight-reader! OOPS. So we struggle through a little bit, but he assures me he'll practice and get it. I tell him we'll put some chord symbols in there and make it easier for all of us!

Max, on the other hand, reads like a demon. His part has a lot of rests in the beginning so he says, "I'll just play the violin part." "But it's in the wrong key for you." "It's okay, I'll transpose it." And boy does he! So we get to hear the melody for awhile, until he has to play the real clarinet part, and I just sing the violin.

Simeon? He's a rock. My biggest cheerleader, who kept it real and calm and fun for me. And boy do I love a double bass.

The B-section -- well, talk about SCREWED. Can you believe I wrote that with only 11-bars in it? Standard jazz is at least 12 -- what was I thinking? So it was sounding pretty awful, esepcially since it was just piano and bass written and Michael was having trouble reading the mess I wrote. So I make an appointment to meet Michael late Friday night after a recital to fix the damn chord progression, and I tell Max he's the man -- he gets to improv a beautiful clarinet jazz solo and make me look good!

And talk about good... at one point during break, Max gets on one piano and Michael's on the other and they are just going to town, doing improv all the way. SO HOT. My eyes were watering as I called my friend Diane and let her answering machine record some of it. As Michael told me later about Max (who returned the compliment): "That guy is SICK!" (GOOD, in today's lingo... who knew?)

"How could I be so lucky?" I kept asking myself. Simeon joined them later... and I think "With musicians like this, WHO NEEDS FUCKING WRITERS?" Those three men are amazing, and know a world (jazz) I'll never understand... but will appreciate forever.

I was floating on air after that rehearsal as I rushed out to shoot the last scenes of PLUTONIA at 11:00 pm with Travis and Aubrey at LACMA. I'm running completely on empty, but still find a way to shoot the shit til 3:00 am at Denny's with Travis... all the time thinking "I've got a video to cut and a tango to frickin' fix... I'm insane!"

So Friday night, a half-dead and comatose me spends an hour-and-a-half in a practice room with Michael the Piano Prodigy, and we "fix" my B-section and go over the piano part. I loved talking with that young man, a Berkeley High graduate born to be a musician, who's played jazz internationally, and was/is feeling stifled by the academic life at Oxy. I told him to do what he loves -- play jazz -- he'll figure the rest out as long as he's passionate (and talented!) at what he does. I will be a fan and a supporter and will always wish him well. The future of music is in guys like him.

===

Sunday at 12:30: I meet Jean and hand everyone their newly cleaned-up parts (except for Michael's). They run through it once, with Jean sight-reading it perfectly and with the best of flair. I only give her one direction: that at the recap she embellish all she wants!

Throughout the rehearsal though there are people calling me because they're lost, and the singers are arriving and refreshments are being set up... and I can't hear the whole thing all the way through -- aargh! But my musicians are pros, and after I tell them where they should sit, stand, set up and exit, they take care of themselves. They rehearse it twice and it's beautiful. Jean is all and more she promised to be, and Max is a pro improviser. My only notes? I ask Max to make sure he's playing something on Beat 4 before the recap since everyone else has rests, and then for he and Jean to join in with their own improvised notes at the end so they're all quietly playing.

And they do. It's a tiny rough start at the beginning... but within seconds... again, I'm in heaven.

BRAVO to the players!

The feedback I got from this piece was amazing... and even now, a week or so later, I'm still surprised by it. And so pleased.

It's been the hardest piece for me, with no lyrics and just guts and emotion, romance and longing... and the shock to me: people liked it.

Again... I am so happy. I finally feel seen.

The Way He Makes Me Feel

It's a big "Yentl" night tonight for some reason... Dear God, aching again. I hate it. Wish I hated him.

There’s no chill and yet I shiver
There’s no flame and yet I burn
I’m not sure what I’m afraid of
And yet I’m trembling

There's no storm yet I hear thunder.
And I'm breathless, why I wonder?
Weak one moment,
Then the next I'm fine.

I feel as if I'm falling every time
I close my eyes
And flowing through my body
Is a river of surprise.
Feelings are awakening
I hardly recognize as mine!

What are all these new sensations?
What's the secret they reveal?
I'm not sure I understand
But I like the way I feel.

Oh, why is it that every time
I close my eyes he's there?
The water shining on his skin,
The sunlight in his hair?
And all the while I'm thinking things
That I can never share with him.

I'm a bundle of confusion
Yet it has a strange appeal.
Did it all begin with him,
And the way he makes me feel
I like the way he makes me feel.

Recital Moments: 60 of my favorite zillion seconds

Cain and Trudy REALLY try to keep it together (and not kiss!) until Abel FINALLY prances in... you can hear cameraman Kellen laughing, and of course, my howling at the end :)



From "Cain and Abel: The Naked Truth"
Book by Myrna Emata, Music by Madley Katarungan, Lyrics by Kellen Blair.

My RECITAL is done!

So much to say -- I'm overwhelmed! More to come...

In the meantime, here's the video of the Electronic music piece I did in 2003, where I added the video this month... well, okay, so I finished cutting it the morning of the recital, what else is new? I'm really happy with it. What do YOU think?

Program notes:

PLUTONIA (music 2003; video 2008)
I was terrified of working with pure electronic sounds and no written score, but was convinced by my much younger student cohorts that I needed to learn how to “work the machines” if I was going to continue in the field of music. After hours locked in the studio with ProTools and a Mac and using only samples, the result is this apocalyptic musical landscape.

"him" Travis Kraft
"her" Aubrey Elson

Good shoot so far!

Thanks Travis!

Thanks PA Chris!

More to come...

Happy Birthday TO ME, now everyone say FROG!

Child says "frog"?

Bloody F*cking Mary debuts on Broadway tonight

Kudos to this woman! Nancy says (it's a big "Nancy says" day today!) it's another example of "Fabulousness is worth waiting for."

Even as a tiny kid, I always thought one day I'd play this fun and crazy role as no other Broadway part looked like me, and how perfect, a show about the SOUTH PACIFIC. But of course I always wanted to be the stinking ingenue, Liat. She of course doesn't talk or dance or anything... she just LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.

Damn.

Here's hoping Loretta Ables Sayre gets a Tony -- break a leg!

Wabi-Sabi Gestaldt

From Wikipedia:

Wabi-sabi represents a comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience. The phrase comes from the two words wabi and sabi. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete" (according to Leonard Koren in his book Wabi-Sabi: for Artists, Designers, Poets and Philosophers). It is a concept derived from the Buddhist assertion of the Three marks of existence — Anicca, or in Japanese, (sanbōin)), Impermanence. Note also that the Japanese word for rust, is also pronounced sabi (the borrowed Chinese character is different, but the word itself is of assumed common etymology), and there is an obvious semantic connection between these concepts. Characteristics of the wabi-sabi aesthetic include assymetry, asperity, simplicity, modesty, intimacy, and suggest a natural process.

Thanks for Nancy -- this means I don't have to stand over myself with a whip trying for a Perfection that doesn't really exist. Wow.

My Senior Composition Recital -- IT'S A GO!

I'm ready to begin an Enchanted April -- the most significant April for me in a long, long time! My birthday's on 10th (Aries Rat -- 1st of each cycle) and finally, my recital:

Sunday, April 20, 2008
2-3 pm My Music
7-7:45 pm Orchestral Performance (including my Pilya)

Occidental College
Bird Studio, Music Department
1600 Campus Road
LA 90041 (Eagle Rock)

Please save the date -- I'd love to have your presence (if you can), support and good wishes that day!

Right now I'm busy finishing up a few pieces, booking and rehearsing talent, writing a little video script for the electronic music piece... remind me when you can that I need to keep breathing!

And away we go...

Just one of those days.

Milonga and Dr. Laura

Coming from a break in working on my Milonga, the one piece that's really hanging me up because I have such high expectations for it.

I took a little drive to the park where I used to walk my dogs, and I heard just a snippet of Dr. Laura talk to a young singer who really was freaking out whenever she would practice her singing... the girl would work herself up to a frenzy so much so that she'd started having panic attacks and start beating herself up for anything short of perfection.

Dr. Laura calmed her down. Said no one notices if something is not sung perfectly, but if it moves the audience. Does she do that, Dr. Laura asked her -- do you enjoy yourself? Because that's what we'll pick up on -- not perfection.

And then:

"Remember what a privilege it is to be able to make music with your body."

My god, exactly what I needed to hear today, as I struggle. I am so lucky!

Anyone Can Whistle

Anyone can whistle
That's what they say -
Easy.
Anyone can whistle
Any old day -
Easy.
It's all so simple:
Relax, let go, let fly.
So someone tell me why
Can't I?

I can dance a tango,
I can read Greek -
Easy.
I can slay a dragon
Any old week -
Easy.

What's hard is simple.
What's natural comes hard.
Maybe you could show me
How to let go,
Lower my guard,
Learn to be free.
Maybe if you whistle,
Whistle for me.

Who knew this was a Stephen Sondheim song? I sure didn't! And after seeing him -- the Dalai Lama of Musical Theater -- last week at The Colony with all my ANMT brethren (my god, what a moment in time... I'll never forget that day!)... how could I not know that song and show? Hm... just another instance of something "typical" that I don't know.

I've had the song on cassette tape that Kevin Schaeffer made me when Shaun and I broke up and it never meant anything to me. Just cute.

But today -- this week -- these past few weeks... it hits me hard:

I don't know ANYTHING about really falling in love. And that not easy to take when you're this side of the proverbial hill.

Well... live and learn. :) I have to be okay with not knowing everything, don't I?

Last night at the Bodhi Tree I let a book "fall off the shelf" -- you know, gather wisdom from whatever happens to catch your eyeball. Well, it just happened to be Marianne Williamson's The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife. How's that for copacetic?

Then I opened a chapter where she was talking about making up all these excuses for why she couldn't be with this very much younger man because "why would he want to be with someone like her" who couldn't give him children, who was so much older, etc. etc. etc. (apologies to Marianne for not quoting her well).

AAGH. Just hit it all on the head and my insanity these for these past few weeks... and then I finally read something like AGE DOESN'T MATTER -- WE'RE ALL SPIRIT.

It totally calmed me down.

I forgot.

Spirit has no age. I won't forget again.

Mae West says

"Too much of a good thing is wonderful."

'Nuff said.

Flippin' Rant

I'm feeling a big one coming on about white boys and not-so-white girls... but I don't know if I have the itlug* to post here -- if it's appropriate here or if it's morphing into a one-act! I'll let you know.

*cojones, nuts, etc...

American Adobo

A video by my friend, Travis -- hope you enjoy as much as I have ;)

Dare to Be Truthful

Here's the four of us in the parking lot of the MBar in Hollywood, right after Rick's cabaret debut "Dare To Be Truthful" with ANMT's Performers Workshop taught by Joshua Finkel.

As someone commented on my MySpace: "That's whole lotta Memorial [High School] there!"




Diane, yours truly, Jeffrey and Rick.

What a powerful group of artists. My grounding.

Is your monitor dirty?

CLEAN YOUR SCREEN!

Whew!

What a whirlwind week! D. came into town to see Ricardo debut at the MBar in the ANMT Performers Workshop Cabaret... I worked the door before the show, and then had a terrific time inside. You done good, Rick -- I'm so proud and excited to see marching through to your dreams! And you're getting quite good!

The night before I'd just seen Wicked for third time -- always a lot of fun. (Ran into Matt C, who was there with his mom... that was cool -- so sorry to hear later he'd broken up with my girlfriend:( I'd planned to watch it this time from a writing point of view -- but that lasted about 3 minutes until I got into the story again. New Elphaba for me, but quite an experienced Galinda... (M.H.) who, IMHO really has milked it -- in a good way, got the funniest laughs ever, but in a bad way, taken so much liberty that you can't hear her whispers and gasps if you've never seen the show before... it really got annoying after awhile. Whatever happened to KEEP IT SIMPLE? I don't want to "see" the performing in shows... I want to see CHARACTERS. Last night D. and Jeffrey and Alan came to see the show at my theatre, where the director was brought in to "tame" an out-of-control actress... yeah, people do take pacing and professionalism seriously!

I've practically slept all day and now it's off to the theatre again -- they've increased my hours now to stay into intermission, and I'm happy to do it -- it's good to feel wanted and needed.

And as always great to be around my "high school" gang again... I get so much strength and support and laughs... the next time we're all together I'll be on the hot seat for my recital! :)

Success is the best revenge

I let myself cool down for a few hours listening to my beloved Yahoo Show Tunes channel and playing spider solitaire...

I've been nerve-wracked for the past week or so because my schedule at the theatre has increased a lot -- this for a woman who hasn't worked a 9-to-5 for a half a dozen years -- and getting stressed about passing this g.d. jury on March 18.

Seems the world of academia is 10 times more unorganized than my world of late. Prof doesn't know our recital dates, or what he told us the week before, or even how the juries will be run -- concurrently or individually. He can't wait to get into the compositions that people are finishing up -- and yet this isn't really a "workshop" so what the hell are we supposed to say? Or rather, what am I supposed to say to these arrogant 21-year-punks who think...

Okay, so there's only one guy, but he's the frickin' ringleader here. Working on a five-song song cycle about the five senses, writing his own lyrics and playing his own guitar. Do I need to know about the "all beef Chicago hotdog and mustard" and the "boy-girl kiss"? Prof says thanks for sharing your "3:00 am Self" which I gather means what you're driven to write when you are REALLY FEELING IT at three in the morning -- but I just want to kick him in the ass.

Granted, when I was 21 I started a 16-song song cycle based on tiny short poems called "What Does She Want?" (and I was SHE-ila -- get it?!) which probably would have been as mastabatory (is that a word?) -- but I'm just SO NOT HERE now, and I couldn't stand the lack of authority in the room. I actually walked out for five minutes to take a walk.

After an great week of a writing workshop, concert readings (it was great, Clay, and I really enjoyed your music and lyrics of Dr. Heidigger's Experiment!), dinner with musical theater folks, seeing Christopher as Clifford Bradshaw in Cabaret (dude, you kicked ass singing "Why Should I Wake Up") and last night, hanging with fellow musical theater writers last night watching the Academy Awards... damn, my life is rich!

And last I watched the documentary that was made about my team writing our mini-musicals at the Academy last year three times last night(!)... just relieving the whole experience, and so proud of the end result...

What the hell am I worried about?!?! Punks?

As we used to say in the early 80s: FUCK THAT NOISE! I'm makin' me some music.

When you don't have a TV

You start doing meez! You should be listening to "Bebot" too -- like on my myspace.com profile... hehehe



And yes, that's a PINK TIARA ;)