Retaking a Quiz

I forgot I took this test in November, 2005 and I was a "The Dirty Little Secret
Deliberate Gentle Sex Master (DGSMf). So I decide to take it just now... what's happened to me??? I'M A WIMP! (though I do like who I should "consider" this time :)

The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD) Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper. You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come. Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns. Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs. Your exact female opposite: The Stiletto Deliberate Brutal Sex Master Always avoid: The Hornivore (RBSM) Consider: The Gentleman (DGLM), The Loverboy (RGLM), The Boy Next Door (RGLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

Ask and You Shall Receive

"I want a community around me again. YES to that! I don't know where or any of that sh*t is anymore as two of my bestest friends are leaving town... and my immediate family is elsewhere... but I'm sure that'll all come to me if I keep saying yes and face my fears of being swallowed up..."

I got a call this morning to work a few hours a day/a few days a week at the theatre in Burbank that I interviewed with last summer for a marketing position! I really liked those folks, the commute would've been great (nil!) but they went with someone else, which is cool. They liked me, it was a good experience... and lookie, they called me out of the blue!

Just a few hours a week -- running around money, as they say -- but I'll be in the theatre with my peeps! YAY!

Happiness and Rehab

Joanie "Chyna Doll" Laurer, Brigitte Nielsen, Mary Carey

I thought it would be a train wreck, so Sunday night I had to watch VH1's Celebrity Rehab, just to see who these poor wretches were. Ends up, I got to meet "me" again... it felt familiar, and yes, even cocoon and homelike.

I don't want to rehash all my war stories about my life in 12-Step programs (there are other places in this blog to find that, I think?), because that's not the point right now; and if you've not known me that long... heck, one of these days we'll have a drink and yak about it all (just kidding!).

What IS the point of it, is that I just realized it's been 20 years since I set foot in my first 12-Step Room -- in the bottom of a church basement in NYC, June 1988. My first meeting was a Debtors Anonymous meeting where I literally thought they were going to take my credit cards away and close my bank account on the spot. After all, isn't that why that nice man in a suit and tie was there at the door?

How naive of me -- he was as sick as I was, and having never even known what AA was, I had no clue as to what I was going to happen to me. But that night I heard the phrase "I am a child of God" and the word "fellowship" and for about eight weeks I was in a meeting every day, sometimes even two -- I never had to be alone in this again. Yes, I was one sick puppy, and the only place I felt "well" was in a meeting. When I moved back to LA after those eight weeks (thank you NY DA!), I got into DA full force here, joining other program(s)!, speaking and sharing, and feeling "seen" for the first time in my life. To this day speaking in front of a crowd doesn't bother me because if you can tell 200 folks about the IRS garnishes and collection agency nightmares you have and that you live hand to mouth all the time... well, there's more to it than that, but let's just say it's easy, and I even grew to like holding the floor.

I loved being in the rooms 3-4 times a week because I got tons of truth -- and pain and suffering and hope -- in there. And I could be of service and help... and it was perfectly okay for the next minute to be the one bawling into the microphone and in NEED of those hugs and understanding...

Eventually (1993?) I saw my last meeting because I needed to know I could think on my own, now that I knew what I wasn't just full of "stinkin' thinkin'." I have never really thought about those days until that Celebrity Rehab show Sunday. Mind you, I didn't have a substance-abuse issue as these guys did... but I sure remembered the open-hearts and the difficulty of facing life head-on, with no crutches. It's good to know those meetings are still there... and I can go back if I need to. Do I need to?

Today, Andrea sent me this article in the USA Today, Psychologists now know what makes people happy that starts out:

"The happiest people surround themselves with family and friends, don't care about keeping up with the Joneses next door, lose themselves in daily activities and, most important, forgive easily."

HUH?

"Lose themselves in daily activities -- what?! That's supposed to make people HAPPY? Boring-ass CHORES?! How come nobody ever told me that before (Mom?) -- I've always KNOWN that happiness only came in the events you planned and goals you reached. NOT in making your bed, cleaning your house, keeping your gas tank and checking aocount full, making a meal... but wait, I DO feel happy when I get lost in my daily activities. HOLY F*CKING SHIT. What a revelation. I don't have live in the anticipation of all the highest of highs... and its corresponding depression and low. Thank God.

The other thing I saw in that article: "The happiest people spend the least time alone."

This little ditty has been coming to me hard and fast the last six months. After "enjoying" (!) a self-imposed, deep, painful, solitary, and yet healing period of ten YEARS -- yes, it's been ten years since I hit my head at Raging Waters -- I know it's time to come out again and play with others! And hey, if it means with a Mr. too, well, that's even better! After all those zillions of people in those trillions of meetings and all that service... I kinda couldn't hear myself and I needed to shut the world up... and now I'm peeking out just a little, enough to get out of all the little depressions I can get myself into when I hibernate too much.

It's been a slow, sluggish New Year... that finally has revved up because I'm seeing old friends again... slowly, slowly. Last week, a Saturday night out with Jeffrey to see Juno (movies), a beautiful lunch with Heidi Rose (metaphysics), and a great coffee catch-up with Christopher (musicals ) today... I feel good and am doing it slowly and gradually so I don't have to curl up and hide by being overwhelmed.

I know it sounds stupid, especially to people who've known me as a social butterfly, but this depression can be and is BAD. She's (Miss Social Butterfly) still in there, believe me... but she doesn't run the show anymore (she must be like 15 years old in there, dude). I have to finally admit it -- this peri-menopausal time of my life truly affects me... and it's hard to get out of that "pit" when I'm there...

And I get older, life's getting simpler again -- like in high school. Good friends, old friends, loving family, heartfelt connections, good laughs, fab food, healthy body, life purposes, life lessons. Life is simple. And happy.

Lastly, an inadvertent confirmation was this Saturday evening past. I spent it with an old family friend, Greg, and his wife Joy, who'd come up from San Diego with their daughters Tori (6) and Catherine (almost 2) to participate in a Tori's dance competition at the Burbank Marriott. That little Tori is a knockout singer and dancer, and she just sucks that stuff up -- of course to my absolute delight! Go Filipina girl! Joy, who like Greg is an engineer, was wondering how she got a little performer out of their genes... but I think she's got another one coming up in Catherine too...

In any case, it was fun to be around all these families and serious little (well, up to high school) dancers. Of course, I walked in as a senior division class did "Thoroughly Modern Millie" and I wept -- as I always do when I hear a musical theatre overture/number. (That was just for you, Maureen. :) Maybe one day some of these kids will be dancing in MY shows... it was inspiring to be around. [Even though it did remind me that when I saw my first dance recital at age 6 or 7 and our little Filipina friend was in a cowgirl outfit, I asked my mom if I could learn how to dance like that. Got shot down in a second: "You have flat feet" and that was that, no dancing for me.]

But the best part? Hanging with Greg and the baby almost the whole night. Mind you, I've known Greg since I was 14 and he was 4, he used to visit with his friends when he was high school for vacation, and flown out and stayed with me and his sister in NY, and we lived in the same house while he was in college. Now he's a grown man with a wife, two kids, a house, mortgage, cars, an officer, a pilot, and getting his Master's degree... how did that happen, and I'm still where I am?

[Cue: "Sunrise, Sunset": Is this the little boy I carried...] hehehe

Oh for Pete's sake, I wax poetic. The point is, it was incredibly good to be with family again, who see and love me without judgment and unconditionally. Nothing has changed over the years! I felt this this past Christmas in a big way with my brother's family, and Mom and Dad and their friends, and it came to home to me on Saturday. What a blessing... to feel such an embrace, to know I am loved. Thanks always, Greg... I love you back!

The next day, I did make it out of the house to see 27 Dresses (2-1/2 stars of 4 from me, only because the leads, Katherine Heigl and James Marsden were great and of course, it's my story, she of 43 weddings)... and didn't sink too low recovering on that usually loneliest night of the week (Sunday).

I can admit now: I want a community around me again. YES to that! I don't know where or any of that sh*t is anymore as two of my bestest friends are leaving town... and my immediate family is elsewhere... but I'm sure that'll all come to me if I keep saying yes and face my fears of being swallowed up...

Enough! Have a good one...

Returning Student Application is in

1979-80 Occidental College Glee Club -- that's me in the front row.

Yes, I turned in my application so I can get the ball rolling and take my last class at Oxy:

457. COMPOSITION SYMPOSIUM.

The objective of this course is two-fold: first, to aid students strongly inclined towards composition in the preparation of their senior recital, and second, to ready students for continued professional growth in composition. Emphasis on individual compositional projects, performance workshops, analytical listening, and score reading. Prerequisite: Music 357. 2 units, CR/NC grading.

Holy Heck... wish me luck! (<--- that would be a "false rhyme" by the way, popular in pop music, NEVER acceptable in musical theatre! :)

Winner!

I always know that at almost any time of the day I can count on a fab blog entry from Prince Gomolvilas over at Bamboo Nation, who writes like a fiend and cracks me up about everything. So here it is at 2:00 in the morning, thinking for sure he wrote about his friend, Diablo Cody, winning the Best Writer award at tonight's Critic's Choice Awards on VH1 for that FABULOUS movie, Juno. (More on that in a minute :)

So I check my blog reader, yes, there's a post on Bamboo Nation, and I find out I WON PRINCE'S FIRST CONTEST! Yay! We had to guess the current weight of his cat, Pork Chop, star of his YouTube video series, "Weighing Pork Chop." Prince so kindly let us Filipino-Americans enter the contest (we Filipinos will win him over yet), and how fun, the prize was a subscription to WIRED (which I just happened to pick up the exact one he was advertising, the one with Masi Oka on it from Heroes).

So I guessed that dear Pork Chop gained weight, knowing that all that filming and prima donna treatment makes one put on the ounces...the MANY ounces. (Witness the GLORIOUS pictures of yours truly advertising the documentary I'm in at ANMT... YIKES.) And I won! Thanks, Prince!

Now speaking of WINNERS: Go see JUNO!

I was already warmed up to this movie because of Prince's blogging about Diablo Cody, the 29-year-old writer, and even going to the LA premiere with her and her posse. (Go ahead and go to his blog, search for "Juno" and his posts are yummy.)

So I went with the right movie partner for this one (hi Jeffrey!) -- after all, he's one of the few friends around who knew me when I was in high school like Juno -- which we both realized was 30 years ago this year -- EEK!

Into the pouring rain we went, to the AMC Burbank 16 on a Saturday night at 7:35 pm -- prime time date night, which BTW, I NEVER do -- and OMG, it was packed! We had to sit in the last row of the biggest theatre -- which I also NEVER do... and I got a little worried:

"I thought we were seeing a little indie film?" I asked. This theater had weekend blockbuster numbers.

But within the first three minutes, I was howling and didn't care that the damn idiots next to me still had to answer their fucking phones... Juno is a wonderful character, wise beyond her years but with a big heart to go along with that huge brain and smart mouth. I love how I loved everyone in that damn movie -- and I have to say, for being a writer, I'm usually pretty good at figuring out what's gonna happen. Yet I was so "into it" there was one point in the movie I realized very consciously: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO. I was hooked. (And I LOVE how she gets her name, Juno... and Jason Bateman (ooh!) and Jennifer Garner (yes!) ... and Allison Janney and JK Simmons... oh dear, I can't stop...)

Sorry, Prince, you said it all so much better than I could have here, so I'm just gonna COPY and PASTE your wonderful insights -- hey, after all, YOU'RE the playwriting teacher, not me (hehe) -- and it shows with your comments :)

* The story's simple premise sets up expectations about how things will precisely unfold, but you'll be constantly surprised at how the film seems like it's about something but will then reveal that it's also about something else and then reveal that it's about something else too. With each new narrative and thematic layer, Juno burrows closer and closer to its—and your—heart.

* The characters you like eventually show unflattering sides, while the characters you dislike eventually show their tenderness. This is the mark of a writer with a humane and understanding eye—don't let that fierce exterior fool you, folks.

* One of the many things Juno is about is how people and circumstances slowly chip away at our pregnant heroine's tough, sarcastic veneer—and it's ironic that she learns to become an adult when she stops trying so hard to act like one.

I know this is Diablo Cody's year -- what a refreshing, real, smart and funny writer. Go see it and make her some more big bucks.

(Here's the Juno TRAILER :)

Carson Kressley, MY HERO

I went into this show with my fists clenched, ready to BARF at the premise... After all, I was the "non-believing friend, 'Kathleen'" that Trainer Andrew wrote about who hated the Dove ads and the all this "real woman beauty." "BULLSHIT!" was my response to all that. I'd also done a "makeover show" in 1983 on national and had a lot of feelings and opinions about that INCREDIBLE and INCREDIBLY MISERABLE experience... so my guns were out.

But I loved it. And guess what, I actually was listening... eyes welled up, but not overly emotional -- and that's a real change for me!

Carson Kressley was the BESTEST HOST EVER, her was fantastic -- funny, caring, knowledgable, non-threatening, sympathetic and strong. He even picked Layla, the woman he was helping up and spun her around -- NO WAY! I don't remember one time in my life I've ever been PICKED UP... even as a kid, because I was the one picking everyone else up and swinging THEM around... jeez, weren't there any adults who could pick ME up? But I digress.

Carson is the best. "Don't cry... well, you could cry... why are you crying?" And he was so full of honest answers, full compliments, and huge hugs ("Oh my god, are you trying to steal my wallet?") -- I wish I could take him home with me...

Apparently this show came from the UK, so they really had the opportunity to perfect the show and gear it exactly to Carson's strengths... we trusted him on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and we really do here. I think the problem with Tim Gunn's show was that they were trying to make it all about Tim Gunn and not really about the ladies... and Tim's not like that! This Layla woman -- I will never forget her and her willingness to love herself...

Finally... the best "makeover" show ever, where we get to see the process of change, not just these frickin' before/after pictures.

Go watch it online. CLICK HERE. Tell me what you think... PLEASE!

Now I'm off to my walk -- and I think I'm gonna buy a little something beautiful. :)

10,000 Steps

The only toy I bought myself (other than a lovely Greek dinner and a long-needed oil change) for the new year was this: a $12.99 pedometer from Target.

I guess you could call it my low-tech version of exercise. No machines, no trainer, just an information device -- clip it on and away I go, right? See where I am and see just slowly and logically see check out those 10,000 steps everyone's always talking about.

Well, in the four days I've had this thing on me non-stop, I've never gotten above 2,500 steps. YIKES! Now that's LAZY -- and it includes all the dog walking I'm doing with Nero here in Hollywood this week. Geez -- it looks like all I'm doing is walking up and down Franklin (his toilet) and walking back and forth to mine. Hm... and this week my back has even bothered me a little.

I need new workout shoes, I know that's part of the problem. But for once, I'm not worry about it. My appetite weirded out when I was up north with the folks (depression? bad cough? too much Filipino breakfast food?), I kind of like the small amounts per sitting I'm eating. Like Andrew, the Dynamic Fitness guy (and my former trainer says), small meals/more often feels better.

So we'll just make sure I increase the step account a tiny bit at a time, and get up to 10,000. I'll never be obsessed about moving around, but I can get better... I want to get back into my skin, this year. For real.

===

Edited 4:54 am

Just saw Kenneth Branagh a minute in ago in a scene from the TV movie Warm Springs where he's playing the Franklin Roosevelt after he contracted polio and couldn't walk. He was doing his physical therapy with a therapist in the pool and nearly jumped out of skin with joy when he got to five -- count 'em FIVE! -- steps.

I immediately needed to mention here that I AM GRATEFUL, dear God, GRATEFUL for those 2,500 steps I've taken each of my few days. And I'm humbled.

Happy 2008!

Just in the nick of time...

I'm a bit ambivalent about how to use this blog nowadays... things in my life seem so personal, redundant, boring, scary... I don't know how much is appropriate anymore to post here or just find another therapist. (See?!)

My only HAVE TO DO this year: graduate from college. Period. That's it. 25 after I should have. I'm registering for that last $3,100 class this semester at Oxy and I should have my recital done -- and to tell you the truth, I AM SICK TO MY STOMACH. Breathe, girl, breathe... HELP ME BREATHE, y'all... gulp...

For now, just wishing everyone a HAPPY, WONDERFUL and FULFILLING New Year!

Tea at Huntington Library

My new friend, Jason, had never been to the Huntington Library, Art Collection and Botanical Gardens in San Marino, so I took a break from my regular boring existence got me some Vitamin D!


Secret Agent Girl

After ringing the giant Japanese bell with his car keys, Jason later told me "The inside of a bell that makes it ring is a CLAPPER."

He's so smart! Can't wait to have on my team on game night :) SSSHhhh


Happy Kids

On our walk through the gardens after our tea date...

I love this picture -- I haven't been so cheery in a long time!

Looks like we made it!

I was so proud the other day, driving to a babysitting gig in Glendale when I heard on the news there was a robbery or assault that just happened in Los Angeles (no, that's not the thing I'm proud of).

The criminal was described as Hispanic or FILIPINO -- and I had to yelp: "We've made it! We're not just Asians or brown -- we're 'Filipinos'! And when described on a police blotter, people actually know what that looks like! WOO HOO!"

(They probably recognized us from the dancing-prisoners-doing-Thriller video.)

Sick, I know, but you celebrate what you can.

Oh a brighter note, WHO KNEW the Mark Wahlberg-Jennifer Aniston movie Rock Star could actually come true? A Filipino guy -- from the PHILIPPINES no less -- named Arnel Pineda is now the lead singer for JOURNEY. And he got "discovered" on YouTube!

From Blabbermouth.net

When it was time for JOURNEY to look for a new lead singer, the Internet came to their rescue. Guitarist Neal Schon wanted someone new to the music business, so he turned to YouTube. After finding Arnel singing "Faithfully", he knew he had found the perfect frontman.

"I was frustrated about not having a singer," explains guitarist Neal Schon, "so I went on YouTube for a couple of days and just sat on it for hours. I was starting to think I was never going to find anybody. But then I found THE ZOO and I watched a bunch of different video clips that they had posted. After watching the videos over and over again, I had to walk away from the computer and let what I heard sink in because it sounded too good to be true. I thought, 'he can't be that good.' But he is that good, he's the real deal and so tremendously talented. Arnel doesn't sound synthetic and he's not emulating anyone. I tried to get a hold of him through YouTube and I finally heard from him that night, but it took some convincing to get him to believe that it really was me and not an imposter."

Arnel Pineda picks up the story: "My friend Noel picked up the message on YouTube and told me it was from Neal. I thought it was a hoax so I ignored it. Noel said, 'what if it really was Neal and he wanted to offer you the chance of a lifetime?' So I e-mailed Neal back and the rest is history."

How cool... we're way past being "Karaoke Kings" now -- I think he sounds terrific! Good luck, Arnel!


Journey - Don't Stop Believing (The Zoo)

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(Hat Tip to 8Asians and Prince G. @ Bamboo Nation)

Long Train Runnin'

When I was in high school in 3rd period Rock Band, for some reason our teacher, Mr. Pinto, wanted to do this Doobie Brothers song. But he didn't have any guys that could sing that high -- so he had me, an alto "rocking it out."

ROCKING IT OUT?! HA! I'm a musical theatre Old School R&B Earth, Wind and Fire chick, what did I know about ROCK? What was I even doing in the class anyway, except that we did a lot of Commodores and disco too (hahaha).

And here are the first words:

Down around the corner
A half a mile from here
You see them old trains runnin'
And you watch them disappear
Without love
Where would you be now
Without love
You know I saw Miss Lucy
Down along the tracks
She lost her home and her family
And she won't be comin' back
Without love
Where would you be now
Without love

WTF? Lucy WHO? I had no idea what the heck I was singing about, and I'd never been on a train except for BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit).

But all that's changed... as I just got back from a quick 24-hour day in San Diego to see my niece's piano/vocal recital (YAY KIRA!). And I took the train, good old AMTRAK, from Burbank to Solana Beach. May I just say: PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS?! You know, because I spend so much time in my apartment and alone, I just like to get out to a mall or a bookstore to be around humanity... alone in a crowd is good sometimes.

But TRAIN IDIOTS are not the same kind of people as mall rats or bookstore lurkers!

I find a perfect seat on the coast side of the train, ready to stare at the beautiful cloud-ridden sun set onto the ocean... and the woman behind me is playing some TV show on her laptop AT FULL BLAST. Before I settle in I ask her if she could turn it down and she says, "Then I won't be able to hear it." "You don't have headsets?" "No." "I'll move then" and I did. IDIOT! How can you think that's all right that you blast your f*cking show for the whole car to have to listen and watch? There oughta be a law.

Then at one of my last stops a lady walks in with a cute little two-year-old on her shoulders in pink onesy and a slightly hacked-up bob haircut, then proceeds to nick the girl's head on the luggage rack above when she tries to take her off her shoulders. Ouch. But this doesn't make the girl cry... this girl wants DADDY. Which I guess is her word for CANDY. Because Mama kept YELLING at her saying, "No! No way are you getting any more candy! NO WAY! Tomorrow!" Which makes Little Girl yelp even more, and me cringe... please, I've only got two more stops, don't make me get up and move -- or smack your ass.

Little Girl wasn't having it and kept screaming for DADDY -- so to make her shut up, Mama Idiot smacks her on the bottom hard twice: "No candy!" Which of course give her desired effect -- more howling. To which Mama explains to the entire car, "It's way past her bedtime -- and she's only two and she wants EVERYTHING." Explains everything right? Idiot. Two seconds later Mama gives her the DADDY anyway, with the proviso that "That's all you get tonight or else." Baby hushes up, Mama looks for some kind of audience validation -- and finding none, gets on the cell phone so we can ALL hear about her weekend hell.

I got my luggage and stood downstairs for my stop. How come nincompoops like that get to have kids but I don't?!?!?!

Actually, I do have to correct myself... I told my brother at the recital intermission that Someone Upstairs must've been looking out for the children of the world because if I had had them, I would've worked them to their musical bone -- much worse than Father Osmond or Joe Jackson... so, hm... guess it all works out, huh?

And as I walked to my car at the Burbank train station, I did think I got payback for my mean streak coming out on the train to Solana Beach the day before. I was on a crowded, Friday afternoon commuter and I was sitting in a window seat. I had already planned on getting a little snack in the cafe car (my big adventure for the week) when an older "granola-type" lady sat next to me. I "profiled" her right away: vegetarian, cat-lover and never touched hair-dye Birkenstock-wearing gal. Nice enough, smiled, read the paper.

Uh-oh. I wanted a hot dog something fierce, but I knew the cafe car would be too crowded to eat in there so I'd have to bring it back and probably disgust her to death with all the meat by-products that so deliciously make up my wonderful microwaved hot dog doused in mustard and relish.

But I didn't care! Well, I sort of didn't... the whole 10 minutes in line I kept trying to make it okay to just get potato chips for my salt fix... but finally I told myself to F*CK IT! I'm a grown woman and I can eat what I want wherever I want and it's not against the law to eat pork/beef hot dogs in trains otherwise they wouldn't sell them, right? And if she doesn't like it, she can find some other place to sit -- or stand -- or just suck it up. Wow, I'm a big girl on campus, now aren't I?

One bite, and it took her about two-and-a-half seconds to move across the aisle -- she was lucky enough that a seat opened up. And that made my hot dog taste lousy.

Who's the idiot now?

"Cain and Abel" Redux

I admit it: I will NEVER get tired of doing this show. EVER, EVER, EVER. Of course, I miss the two songs we cut -- but if you and your organization are looking to do a short (20 minutes for the complete version) and fun take on this Biblical story with great songs and guaranteed laughs -- you just contact me, you hear?

In the meantime, here are some photos Myrna took of closing night. If it looks like we're outside -- we are! Our "backstage" waiting area was actually out in the frickin' parking lot... ugh! As someone dear on our team said about our fab group -- it's like we had taken THOROUGHBREDS to a dog and pony show... (I'm still really perturbed at what happened there, but don't want to speak to it yet...) so I'll just hold my tongue and celebrate "all the good bits"!

Feel free to click on each picture for a little more commentary. Enjoy! :)


Headshots in the lobby


The Writers


The TEAM -- w/ Myrna and Kellen, less Michele :(


Stephen Van Dorn as CAIN


John David Wallis as ABEL


Rachel Payne as TRUDY


Kelly Lester as EVE


Adam LeBow as GOD


Me in an Abel-and-Cain sandwich

My favorite Mark Twain quote

"If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything."

I used to love this because I would forget who I would tell what to, especially if I'd get into "storytelling" mode and depending on who the "audience" was. LOL So now I know if I just keep the FACTS straight (which I have a hard time remembering in the first place anyway, the DRAMA of any story always sounds better)... maybe I'd actually be telling the truth in there somewhere...

After all, this quote is filed in The Quotations Page under HONESTY.

And I remember in high school when I realized that I had a penchant for little baby white lies... depending who my audience was, and what I story I had to tell! I realized this when I found myself even fibbing when people asked me what time it was and I'd say something five minutes off -- JUST BECAUSE. That's weird, isn't it? A control thing maybe? A habit I picked up from my mom? The time part, that is, not the lying -- she's a TERRIBLE liar. If she hates something... well, she won't lie to make you feel better, that's for sure, and there's no padding anything either... bad thing... it takes a lot to get her excited about ANYTHING. The one thing in a blue moon that DOES makes her silly happy -- well, I've discovered as adult that THOSE days are WORTH it, because they're so genuine...

But I digress.

Mom would NEVER tell me what the REAL time was because she knew I would always wait for the last minute to wake up, to get up and MOVE. If we were going to be late for something: "C'mon, it's 9:30, we have to go!" but it's really only 9:00. If it's too late for me doing something at night (it's 11:15 pm) she'll say, "C'mon, it's midnight already, go to bed!"

Hmmm...

In any case, I'm loving that quotes I love area falling into my lap -- ones I actually live my life by. I'm not usually a big quote collector... but when I real one passes by, I'll make sure I post it.

By the way, the TRUTH right now is I'm the most broke I've ever been EVER in my life, but other that the little stresses that having no money brings (!), I'm very happy right now! I'm doing a lot of creative work (can't wait to share... soon!!!), I'm cleaning out a lot of old shit in my life and gettin' ready for a Pluto squaring my natal moon starting in February for a frickin' year -- which means "death and destruction for the purpose of rebirth, especially in all things lunar like the home and mother issues"! The only way around this time is THROUGH it... so as Daddy says, "I'm holding on to my ears" and looking forward to what on the other side of this!

And lastly, I know have to tell the truth now, because as I get older... I only remember that which I've written down as the truth. YIKES! Does that happen to you too?

Taxicab Confessions

"If something doesn't turn me on, then it just makes me laugh. How can I go wrong?"

Somehow that statement told to a cab driver by a late-to-the-game dominatrix struck me as a terrific -- and familiar -- life philosophy. I need to remember that these days! My life looks easy going but the continuous STRESS is under the surface but running as hot and deep as magma in a volcano...

Breathe, girl, breathe...

My sleep is completely backwards again -- and while I hate it, I still feel pretty powerless to work on it... that's what happens when you miss a few of your hynotherapist sessions I guess.

Yesterday I did a lot of "checking off" of chores on my list before my monthly writing class (that I'm really behind on...) and put my head down for a few minutes before getting ready... and woke up and hour-and-a-half into class. OH SHIT. I guess I just didn't want to face up to the fact that I'm just BEHIND ON EVERYTHING -- and of course, missing class just makes me more behind and feeling guilty to boot. UGH.

How can one possibly passive-aggressive with MYSELF?

I at least hooked up my piano/computer gizmo and am pushing myself to finish a "rush" song for a collaborator of mine. We talked about in July... but KABOOM, now there's a chance someone can sing it for a Christmas cabaret and we need the demo SATURDAY. Good god!

Fortunately it only took me about an hour to get a decent intro the other night while I waited for him to show up at school... but now I'm a bit stuck, you know, that Perfectionist trait in me and all. But I'm trying to push through that and just get FRICKIN' PROLIFIC. There are more songs where that came from, right?

But the outline for the musical is coming SLOW. Act I feels good -- rough but good. Act II? Oh god... how is this thing gonna END? Is it EVER going to end? Am I ever going to get everything I need to say in this musical on paper, ever? Shit. I just gotta remember I need to say what I need to say NOW. There are more PLAYS where that came from too...

It's 7:49 a.m and I can't decide whether to keep working or lie down... no keep working, I'm not that tired. I can't stand lying in bed wiaitng to fall asleep... I guess I subconsciously LIKE to pass out at the computer...?

Breathe...

The Year of the Filipino

It's been awhile since I've written a "substantial" blog sometimes I wonder if I'm even capable of doing it anymore! Or maybe life has been so rich lately I don't want to stop to record it for fear of this wild ride disappearing... Well, que sera sera...

So many things:
* Got to meet four of the five Filipino actors of The Romance of Magno Rubio: Bernardo Bernardo, Ramon de Ocampo, Jojo Gonzalez and Paolo Montalban (yes, THAT Paolo) and Arthur Acuna was terrifc too. More later.

* This weekend our mini-musical Cain and Abel: The Naked Truth had a three-day run at Actoberfest with John David Wallis and Rachel Payne reprising their roles as Abel and Trudy; Stephen Van Dorn as Cain, Kelly Lester as Eve and Adam LeBow as God. Michele Spears came back to direct and Myrna Emata was the music director. This is a whole post in itself -- the performances were top-notch, the team was great! That's all I'll say for now and will have photos to share soon.

But what inspires the title of this post?

I'm in the middle of breaking out an outline for my next musical, Sailors and Nurses. First of all, I'm so grateful to have two fabulous lyricists to collaborate with -- ANMT-trained and YES, FILIPINAS! Thank you for signing on Allison Johnson and Maureen Borillo... it's gonna be a TRIP... if the bookwriter can get her proverbial sh*t together. Oh wait, that's me!

My classmate, Terri, asked me how it was going -- and I all I could say was "I'm crying a lot. I can't stop crying."

But don't fell sorry for me... I've finally figured out this is my process! It's what happened when I wrote Carabao Bookends and Light Filipino Brown -- and it's when I know I'm telling the truth and writing of my heart. [As I've told many people: I'm like Dorothy Parker:

"I hate writing, I like having written"

-- because a story has to be told. So I wallow in the process, as messy and inconsistent as it is...]

===

And today, Stephen, the new fellow who played (our third!) Cain so wonderfully this weekend, found out how crazy I am about these songs that are OPM = Original Pilipino Music, like Ikaw. We're backstage this weekend waiting for their curtain call and he starts singing this song, Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang, in pure, beautiful Tagalog... a song his co-star, Carol Banawa (a famous TV star/singer in the Philippines) taught him while they were in a biblical extravaganza of a musical in Singapore called Judah Ben-Hur.

Oh dear. Talk about completely melting. More watery eyeballs. And to hear this fabulous voiced white boy sing it... good grief, I'm on another planet.

===

We find out last night we didn't make the finals... it's a long, long night. But I woke up: and there's a beautiful serenade of Bakit Ngayon Ka Lang on my voicemail from my new friend Stephen, singing the duet with his friend, Mel.

Now I'm just a bowl of jelly. I've never received a song that way before, EVER. And of course, it's just opening up more and more STUFF for me to write about...

Thank you, Stephen. You don't know how magical that was. Sailors and Nurses will be all the more truthful because of that gesture, you have no idea.

Here's a YouTube duet version of it and an English translation -- yeah, you better believe I'm gonna learn this one!

Enjoy.



Why only now...
Why only is it now that my heart needs?
It now has found out...

I wish that I'd found out
That you would come into my life
Then I would have waited

Pre-chorus:

You were supposed to have been the one for me to hug
Your hand always for me to hold instead of hers

Chorus:

Why only now....
Is it that you arrive in my life
I'm forcing to open my closed heart
You are the only one for me
Even though I want to forget you
I want to know...why is is now that you arrive in my life?

Orquesta Juvenil Simón Bolivar

Myrna sent this clip to me -- wow! Not only do I LOVE anything "West Side Story" -- the fact that there are so many TALENTED kids making such terrific music together and having fun... it really reminded me so much of high school band! Four years of that with your bestest friends -- and when you're ON...

GEEZ, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE IT!

Parents -- get your kids in playing with a group! (IMHO, there are too many soloists and piano players who have NO CLUE how to keep up a tempo because they don't have to play with anyone else...) Not only will they learn how to respect authority, learn to play together for the highest good... they will develop life long friends and have an appreciation for ensemble music like no other.

Needless to say, I cried like a baby watching this.



And here's the whole WWS Dance Suite with the kids in concert black:

Kids say the darndest things...

Do we have to evaporate?

My dear "sorta" cousin, Mark sent this note about what his daughter, Jacqui, said "in reference to the Harris Fire (San Diego area) as we packed our valuables and prepared to evacuate. I think we'd all like to EVAPORATE once in awhile..."

You go, Girl.

The HELLO LOVE Experiment

This is who we are... and what we do. And there's a tour you can donate to too...

(BTW, tell me you love this, as I cut this piece together :)

Pug Bowling!

Couldn't resist... make sure you stay for the "follow-up" at the end. :)

Pug Bowling | Funny Jokes at JibJab

Drink

I've had a little more than a half bottle of white wine on an empty stomach at a friend's house who is going to play Macbeth in in a show this fall -- how cool is that, how many people actually can say they know a Macbeth/Hamlet?!) and it's the first time I'm blogging "under the influence." I wish I had enough money/time/gas/sobriety to go to the Thai restaurant that Prince G. was talking about here -- but fortunately for the CHP and the Burbank P.D., I'm safely at home and can only do damage as I type. Man, I'm hungry!

Life has been really full this weekend -- event/appt after event/appt -- so much so, I've actually been SLEEPY and overwhelmed. I wish the wonderful hypnotherapist I've been seeing could only know the success he's/we've made in this (sleep) regard!

Just bulleting because I feel like I'm gonna LOSE it -- and the Scott Baio show comes on in 50 minutes:

* Saw "The Bourne Ultimatum" last night with Jeffrey at the Arclight -- we had dinner there too. I LOVE THAT THEATRE -- you get assigned seats so there's no line-waiting, and though there are previews (YAY!), there are no COMMERICALS.

* I also LOVE that movie. For all the fab car chases and fighting... it was all worth it. The "Ultimatum" only stands there as INTENSE as the "choice" of "Sophie's Choice" -- the quiet core of the film. SO F*CKING WORTH IT -- go spend that $$ NOW on Matt Damon -- I mean it: N.O.W.!

* I also LOVE that theatre because -- well that was the first time I'd been there at a 7:50 show on a Saturday night -- and I was so comfortable because Kathy Griffin's gays were there! HAHHA Actually, what I told Jeffrey was it felt so comfortable... it really was the hotspot to see a film... and if I was a straight man... well, it would take a very comfortable-with-himself straight man to hang out there! So many wonderful gay men there... was so... COMFORTABLE! I keep going back to the word "comfortable." It really is THE PLACE to see a film.

* Why the hell is it spelled "theatre" as opposed to "theatER" What's the difference and the correct usage? I just want to be "correct" about it... because I really have no idea, and I think I better figure it out if I'm gonna be workin' in it.

* Was the "audition monitor" for the Perfomance workshop at ANMT Saturday -- wow, how fun is that to hear people auditioning on THIS side of the table. (Okay, so I was looking to get a head start on the talent coming through... SSH!)

* I babysat today and it was a big YOUTUBE adventure with my charge. She's really loving "A Whole New World" from Aladdin, so we watched the recording of it with Lea Salonga and Brad Kane over and over. (Someday I'll write a whole entry about Lea... she's one of those BALINGKINITAN (slender/pretty) girls that I've ALWAYS been jealous of growing up... and the fact that she's a soprano just about tops it for me... anyway, another day, another blog post.

But here's the video:



One story about "A Whole New World" -- when it first came out I showed the song from the video to a friend of mine who had a five-year-old and three-year-old and had been married for about six or seven years. She was in town from Holland -- and as soon as it was over said:

"Do you REALLY think it's like that? All love and adventure?! It's not like that. Marriage isn't like that at all."

I've never forgotten that... but I'll also never stop hoping it is.

Oops... timer's on. Time for Scott Baio on VH1!

Pastrami -- I Curse You!

Never again! Slap me if I do this again...

My stomach is so upset... lately I've been thanking the heavens for TUMS... and like I've completely lost the skill of feeding myself healthily. YIKES.

It's Stress, DefCon 4.5... ugh.

It's good that food is not MY COMFORT anymore -- but hey, I'm ready to let go of it being TORTURE. Goodbye!

And if anyone's up at wants to play -- geez Louise -- CALL ME!!!

Early Morning at Sitton's

It's 4;27 am and I'm just back from a couple of hours by myself at Sitton's NoHo Diner -- an almost regular hangout after classes at ANMT with the girls, but tonight I had to get the f*ck out of the house... and Harry's in Burbank just isn't cuttin' it anymore. Can't deal with truck drivers, cops and no Ricardo...

So I bring the notebook and go into the backroom -- the waitresses now are asking where my friends are -- tonight, it's just me and the hundreds of 8x10s of old movie stars on the wall staring at me in the face. Much more atmosphere than Harry's... tonight, the very loud table of three next to me has just come back from a club.

Chelsea apparently has kissed her first girl tonight and she's cussing up a storm and a bit freaked out, especially since she thinks "the kissee" was Lindsay Lohan's ex-girlfriend. HUH? And Dave and J, his girlfriend, are teasing her so much she decides to get a STEAK with her eggs, to prove "I'm not into tuna -- I want MEAT." HAHAHA!

Dave, who's a bit older, asks me if I'm offended by their talk -- and I can only laugh because Chelsea is one good swearer -- got quite a knack for it, and she reminds me of myself...

Only at Sitton's! Very exciting. Last time we were singing "Always and Forever" with three young black kids singing their guts out; before that, Hillary and I ran into people listening to us and asked us about doing book for a composer who HAS no book for his musical...

The waitresses now know me and I feel taken care of -- I think I've found a home away from home in the middle of the night. Thank goodness.

"Ikaw"

While we're on the subject of Filipinos -- here's my favorite Tagalog song (granted I don't know many!). I heard sung as a duet at my brother and sister-in-law's housewarming party... didn't know what it was about, but I cried like a baby. OPM -- Original Pilipino Music -- well, those composers sure know how to write a ballad, doesn't matter WHAT language it's in.

It's sung here by superstar Regine Velasquez.

"Ikaw" means "You." And dammit if I won't have that sung at MY wedding...

Filipino Name Generator

If you get to know any Filipino closely, you will eventually get to know his or her REAL name -- something really crazy and funky because -- Filipinos are just like that.

Now that I've started to outline my next play, I've got a zillion Filipinos, young and old, to name and nickname. How fortunate I've found this generator!

My Pinoy Name is

Aileen Rosamaria Starshine Magbitang.
Take The Filipino Name Generator today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

So what's YOUR Filipino name?

(BTW, I like the name I gave MYSELF better than anything else ;)

I'm legit -- I'm on YouTube!

Well... my NAME is anyhow. Enjoy!

Cain and Abel: The Naked Truth
Book by Myrna Emata
Music by Madley Katarungan
Lyrics by Kellen Blair
(Songs are sung in order)


"New Eden" (Amy Reiss, John David Wallis)


"Every Time You Fall" (Leighton Grampp, John David Wallis)


"One Button at a Time" (Rachel Payne, John David Wallis)


"See the Light" (Brent Schindele, Rachel Payne)