Taxicab Confessions

"If something doesn't turn me on, then it just makes me laugh. How can I go wrong?"

Somehow that statement told to a cab driver by a late-to-the-game dominatrix struck me as a terrific -- and familiar -- life philosophy. I need to remember that these days! My life looks easy going but the continuous STRESS is under the surface but running as hot and deep as magma in a volcano...

Breathe, girl, breathe...

My sleep is completely backwards again -- and while I hate it, I still feel pretty powerless to work on it... that's what happens when you miss a few of your hynotherapist sessions I guess.

Yesterday I did a lot of "checking off" of chores on my list before my monthly writing class (that I'm really behind on...) and put my head down for a few minutes before getting ready... and woke up and hour-and-a-half into class. OH SHIT. I guess I just didn't want to face up to the fact that I'm just BEHIND ON EVERYTHING -- and of course, missing class just makes me more behind and feeling guilty to boot. UGH.

How can one possibly passive-aggressive with MYSELF?

I at least hooked up my piano/computer gizmo and am pushing myself to finish a "rush" song for a collaborator of mine. We talked about in July... but KABOOM, now there's a chance someone can sing it for a Christmas cabaret and we need the demo SATURDAY. Good god!

Fortunately it only took me about an hour to get a decent intro the other night while I waited for him to show up at school... but now I'm a bit stuck, you know, that Perfectionist trait in me and all. But I'm trying to push through that and just get FRICKIN' PROLIFIC. There are more songs where that came from, right?

But the outline for the musical is coming SLOW. Act I feels good -- rough but good. Act II? Oh god... how is this thing gonna END? Is it EVER going to end? Am I ever going to get everything I need to say in this musical on paper, ever? Shit. I just gotta remember I need to say what I need to say NOW. There are more PLAYS where that came from too...

It's 7:49 a.m and I can't decide whether to keep working or lie down... no keep working, I'm not that tired. I can't stand lying in bed wiaitng to fall asleep... I guess I subconsciously LIKE to pass out at the computer...?

Breathe...