I don't know how to explain it, but something's happening, something's changing... already changed... Talked to today about work, skills, talents, money... purpose... future, fantasy, reality, men, boys, friends, jail and God...
Oh my. I need a steak.
Will it be? Yes, it will.
Maybe just by holding still,
It'll be there!
Come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,
Meet a guy,
Pull up a chair!
The air is humming,
And something great is coming!
I don't usually post an article verbatim, but hey, when it speaks to ya... (And YES, that's a barong on a white guy and a brown bride... DON'T ASK.)
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Change Your Luck In Love
A simple answer can shift your path
Source: California Psychics
If you've ever been in love with someone unavailable (or a string of someones) - like that guy who works 80 hours a week, that gal who's traveling all the time, that oh-so-mysterious "bad boy" with a drinking problem (oh yeah, and six girlfriends), or someone who's already married, then chances are you've sung the "all the good ones are taken" blues...
But if it's true that, "every relationship you have is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself" then perhaps it's really you who is the unavailable one. Gulp. Don't believe it? Crazy, you say? Why would you possibly want someone you can't have?
Ponder this...
By falling for partners that are just out of reach, you get to have the idea of being in a relationship and some of the benefits, without the potentially painful risks a full relationship requires. If you can't actually make a whole life with them, you can't ever lose that life, either - get it? But by having at least a partial relationship, you get to stave off the loneliness you might otherwise feel from having no relationship at all.
Part timers
Yet by seeing them sometimes, by getting some of their attention, you get this and many other side benefits - one of the biggest being the "you never know" factor (and sex!). You never know when you'll hear from them, you never know when you'll get to be with them, and you never know when you'll draw their attention next. This is part of what makes it such a thrill and feeling of accomplishment - heck, even victory - when you do. Sadly, this is much more exciting and rewarding to many people than the sweet security of a partner who is always there, always available, and offering their love on a regular, reliable basis.
Just an opinion?
Consider this: scientists have found in brain studies that it's more compelling to get something you want some of the time, than it is to get what you want all of the time. This is what's so thrilling and even addictive about gambling for many people - with every hand of cards or roll of the dice, there's a release of chemicals in the brain that creates a rush of excitement. You could win, or you could lose and it's that unpredictable potential of possibilities, again the pull of the "you never know" factor, that keeps gamblers coming back for more.
So perhaps the allure of the "just out of reach" lover is just that - they're out of reach. So, if you're hooked on someone you can't have, ask yourself: If you could have them, would you still want them? Do you really want them, or do you want the feeling of winning that comes with getting them? Because with over six billion people on the planet right now, we promise you, all the good ones are not taken. They just may not interest you. But waking up and admitting this to yourself is the first critical step in healing your real relationship - the one you have with yourself - so that you can move forward toward having the life, and the love life, you truly desire.
Carol Allen is the host of Enlightening Relationships on California Psychic's Karma Sol Radio, and author of the eBook, Love Is in the Stars which can be found at a website of the same name.
I can't take crass talk anymore!
Not in emails, IMs, on the phone, in person... nowhere.
I don't know when that happened... but it finally hit me over the head yesterday:
It's ugly, it's gross, it's rude, classless and it's impolite.
It is NOT sexy or "hawt"-- it's not romantic and it DOESN'T turn me on, baby.
Mind you, I'm not talking about regular swearing. I can swear up a blue streak and have had a mouth like a sailor since high school.
And I'm not a prude either (and I'll leave that one right there).
But you know what? I don't know you. And some things are left for private moments for special people and not to be flung around lightly.
I don't know why I didn't get that until this late in my life... but that moment's here.
It makes me feel sleazy and whore-y -- and I won't stand for that anymore, it's not funny.
So cut it out.
===
Edited to add (after loving feedback from wonderful friends):
I don't know how I ran into these guys on YouTube... two Pilipinos now living, loving and making music in Australia. I've never heard this Keith Martin song -- I love it and Sigrid and Lee's sound. I'm hooked.
I've watched this a zillion times already... and I think I like it because I'm watching two Filipino faces -- warm, kind, happy, NORMAL -- happy and singing, especially Sigrid. She kinda reminds me of me... but sweeter (and I enjoy her!)...
That's all I got today.
Because of You
If ever you wondered if you touched my soul, yes you do.
Since I met you I'm not the same.
You bring life to everything I do.
Just the way you say hello.
With one touch I can't let go.
Never thought I'd fall in love with you.
Because of you my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you.
Sometimes I get lonely and all I gotta do is think of you.
You captured something inside of me.
You make all my dreams come true.
It's not enough that you love me for me.
You reached inside and touched me internally.
I love you best explains what I feel for you.
Because of you my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you. (2x)
The magic in your eyes, true love I can't deny.
When you hold me I just lose control.
I want you to know that I'm never letting go.
You mean so much to me, I want the world to see
It's because of you.
Because of you my life has changed.
Thank you for the love and the joy you bring.
Because of you I feel no shame.
I'll tell the world it's because of you.
You.
Been a long time since I've taken a quiz... HAAHAHAHAH the answer is not surprising considering my Purpose is found on LEFT JUPITER (Live your Passions). And of course, gotta work that Lesson to have that Purpose.
And fortunately, I'm not a heroin addict.
In any case -- take this test! Leave me your result... I'd love to hear what you the best thing about YOU is :)
Your result for The Best Thing About You Test...
Hot! Passion is your greatest virtue
Passion is an intense emotion that compels feeling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything, and that often requires action. Get that? Requires action. It's very likely you submit to your deepest needs and live life with a flair few others achieve, but many envy. All 7 virtues are a part of you, but your passion runs deepest.
Passionate types: artists, writers, composers, athletes, and heroine addicts.
Your raw relative scores follow. 0% is low, and 100% is perfect, nearly impossible. Note that I pitted the virtues against each other, so in some way these are relative scores. It's impossible to score high on all of them, and a low score on one is just relatively low compared to the other virtues.
YOUR VIRTUES
40% Compassion
33% Intelligence
25% Humility
44% Honesty
0% Discipline
29% Courage
75% Passion
Ah, the late, late, lonely nights...
Loved this moment in The Fabulous Baker Boys -- great story, characters and especially soundtrack (Dave Grusin KICKS SOME SERIOUS BUTT.)
More than you know
More than you know
Man of my heart, I love you so
Lately I find you're on my mind
More than you know
Whether you're right
Whether you're wrong
Man of my heart, I'll string along
I need you so
More than you'll ever know
And yeah... it's more than he'll ever know. (see previous post)
So The Bachelorette, Deanna, picked the Wild Card (and Wild Man) in an "upset" to everyone but us die-hard romantics, Jesse.
This shit never ceases to make me weep.
The "other" guy, Jason, the one who didn't get picked but was just as in love with Deanna -- was at the "After The Final Rose" show too. He was given the opportunity to ask and say anything to her... and it was heartbreaking to see HURT written all over someone's face like that...
But he had dignity, self-respect, calm... and a generous heart. After all his questions to her were done... his final statement was: "Watching the show again backstage... You never looked at me the way you looked at Jesse."
Which brings me to YENTL, once again:
Look at how he looks at her
Will someone ever I look at me that way?
Full of all the feelings and the soft
Unspoken words that lovers say?
I thought that I knew ev'ry single
Look and sweet expression on his face,
Yet this is one that I don't recognize,
Although I've sat and studied him for hours.
But now I see how love completely occupies
A pair of' eyes...
See the way they gaze at her,
Like slaves they follow every where she goes.
Do my eyes forget themselves
And do I ever look at him
And smile in such a way
That what I'm feeling shows?
Sometimes I have the feeling
Everybody knows...
And even though it's crazy,
Still I can't help wondering
If I'll ever live to see the day
When by some miracle of miracles,
He'll turn around
And look at me that way.
===
I want to be in love. Like that -- no less.
THERE! I SAID IT!
Surprised? Yeah, me too. Don't you know I'm emotionally stuck at age 16?!?!?! Yup.
Last week I was given a heartfelt, loving "talkin' to" about what I do when it comes to relationships -- and mind you, this girlfriend has known me for over 20 years.
"You want to be married," she says. "I love you and I know you -- you want to be with one person, as much as you think you don't and fight it. You do. Trust me."
(Ick, my eyes are watering just remembering this conversation.)
"You pick completely unavailable men. Look at the ones you're 'with' right now: not one is completely available to you or appropriate for you at all."
Yes, I still bristle at the word "appropriate" too -- after all, who's to say who's "appropriate" really... no one truly knows except the two people that are in the relationship, right?!
Apparently one of those guys, the one I've really fallen for (I know, all you friends of mine are saying "you mean fallen for THIS TIME, Madley") -- is a completely "ridiculous" choice, and I'm pretty stupid -- yes, stupid -- to even be toying with the idea that he could ever fall in love with me.
S-T-U-P-I-D. And R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.
Wow. Harsh and to the point.
But you know what? I've never had my heart opened up so wide before in my life until this man... so I'm going to going to keep that emotional armor away for just a little bit longer and be wistful and longing and dream of love... and cry with more songs from Babs...
... because I like the way he makes me feel... about me, about my life, about my past, about the future...
... and I like remembering again that I even HAVE a real heart that still wants to be loved.
I'll think more about "appropriateness" another day... thank you, Scarlett O'Hara.
Edited to add Deanna and Jesse's website. Thanks M.B.!
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
-- T. S. Eliot
Her Mom and Dad, Aunt and Uncle, cousins, sister and friend all came up to see "Wicked" but two-year-old Catherine was too young to go. So we watched an outdoor wedding at the Marriott and "toured" at Bonaventure Hotel and its 32-story outdoor elevators in her stroller for hours (whew!).
Eventually we did get a special treat -- ah, the simple pleasures!
Leave it to Prince Gomolvilas of Bamboo Nation to find ANOTHER wonderful video to make me cry. (Albeit, that's not a difficult feat.) Thanks, Prince!
Enjoy... I know you'll love it.
Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.
Know that I will always love you. And thank you forever.
Remember me,
"Lowenstein"
In Redwood City tonight with Travis as he did "Adobo Nation," the new magazine show on The Filipino Channel. I was certainly more nervous about it all than he was -- what a pro!
He was interviewed by the lovely Jaja Bolivar -- about the American Adobo video that's had over 200,000 YouTube hits, and about Poolboy Films' new DVD, Salo-Salo. And what a coincidence: Jaja and he had done an interview together just a few months prior!
Congrats on a great job, Travis (but you knew that already)! This episode of ADOBO NATION airs on TFC this Sunday, June 29, 2008 @ 6:40 pm PT -- be there and meet the "Adobo King" LMAO
As for me... it's back into the writing trenches... (the craziness lately has been overwhelming...)
[I'm officially hooked on YouTube.]
I forgot how much I love this song --
I HAVE NOTHING
Share my life,
Take me for what I am,
'Cause I'll never change,
All my colours for you.
Take my love,
I'll never ask for too much,
Just all that you are,
And everything that you do.
I don't really need to look
Very much further,
I don't wanna have to go,
Where you don't follow.
I will hold it back again,
This passion inside,
Can't run from myself,
There's nowhere to hide.
Chorus:
Don't make me close one more door,
I don't wanna hurt anymore,
Stay in my arms if you dare,
Or must I imagine you there,
Don't walk away from me,
I have nothing, nothing, nothing,
You see through
Right to the heart of me,
You break down my walls,
With the strength of your love.
I never knew,
Love like I've known it with you,
Will a memory survive,
One I can hold on to?
I don't really need to look
Very much further,
I don't wanna have to go
Where you don't follow,
I will hold it back again,
This passion inside,
Can't run from myself,
There's nowhere to hide.
Your love I'll remember forever.
Chorus:
Don't make me close one more door,
I don't wanna hurt anymore,
Stay in my arms if you dare,
Or must I imagine you there,
Don't walk away from me,
I have nothing, nothing, nothing...
Don't make me close one more door,
I don't wanna hurt anymore,
Stay in my arms if you dare,
Or must I imagine you there,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't walk away from me,
Don't you dare... walk away from me.
I have nothing, nothing, nothing...
If I don't have you, you...
If I don't have you, oh you.
Happy to report that I've actually got a new story to work on -- a two-act play with three characters (not a musical!) that seems to be writing itself right now...
Feels good to work on something creative for myself lately... thank you, God (and Nancy) for giving me Shakespeare In Love to inspire me. Haven't seen that film for ten years... and now... well, it so pertinent!
Write what's happening NOW. (I'm sure it's no Romeo and Juliet, but it'll have to do.)
Wish me luck.
One of my favorite of DWTS Season 6 Champion Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas -- their Rhumba... can't say much more than I love everything about it.
I am so overwhelmed and filled with emotion these past few... months... and even more so recently... that I can't even talk about it... much less come up with my own "original material" about it. So I'll beg the masters, Rodgers and Hammerstein, and the incredible Brian Stokes Mitchell do it instead. (This was an incredible performance -- a standing ovation after this song in the MIDDLE of the show.)
("It's dying. Pluto square Venus... dying. So, so sad.")
This Nearly Was Mine (from "South Pacific")
One dream in my heart,
One love to be livin' for,
One love to be livin' for
This nearly was mine.
One man for my dream,
One partner in paradise,
This promise of paradise
This nearly was mine.
Close to my heart she came
Only to fly away,
Only to fly as day flies from moonlight.
Now, now I'm alone,
Still dreamin' of paradise,
Still sayin' that paradise
Once nearly was mine.
So clear and deep are my fancies
Of things I wish were true
I keep remember evenings
I wish I spent with you.
I'll keep rememberin' kisses
From lips I've never owned,
And all that lovely adventures
That we have never known.
One dream in my heart,
One love to be livin' for,
One love to be livin' for
This nearly was mine.
I wish I could write like this -- instantly and in front of people!
David Bowie is and always be FANTASTIC, and Extras is funny show -- thank you to Susan Isaacs at Gray Matter for sharing it. AND congrats on finishing the book, Susan -- I'm thrilled for you! :)
Three different invocations:
St. Anthony, St. Anthony
Please come down
Something is lost
And can't be found
Dear St. Anthony, I pray
Bring it back, without delay.
Something's lost and can't be found
Please, St. Anthony, look around.
Saint Anthony of Padua (Italy), lived from 1195-1231. Born in Portugal, he was a Franciscan monk and lived in Morocco before settling in Padua. He was known as an eloquent speaker. Prayer cards manufactured in Italy identify him as the saint of "miracles," but to most Catholics, he is the Patron Saint associated with the return of lost articles and missing persons.
Please, Sir, bring me back those missing DVDs!
I have no comment. Just note my jaw on the floor.
Clay Aiken Impregnates Someone!
Posted May 29th 2008 12:28PM by TMZ Staff
TMZ has learned Clay Aiken is going to be a daddy. In case you didn't process that, Clay Aiken is going to be a daddy.
Here's what we know. Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay's best friend. He lives at her home when he's in L.A.
We're told 50-year-old Foster, who produced several Aiken CDs, is due in August. She's the sister of record mogul David Foster. She divorced a few years back and has no kids. Aiken is 29.
We're told Foster was artificially inseminated. But Clay is a lot more than sperm -- we're told he will have an active role in raising the child.
No immediate word from Aiken's rep.
From the Academy of New Musical Theatre newsletter this week -- one year later and the doc is up. WOW! And what a year it's been.
I am so glad I participated in the ANMT mini-musicals, and even more proud that I was a "subject" in this documentary. Maybe the next one you'll actually see me with my fingers on a piano... but hey, I'm shy about my skills when you've got such a pro like Myrna around.
What a great year time -- thanks, Kell and Myrna.
Enjoy the show-- from Madley (aka The Comic Relief).
A documentary about ANMT/Mini-Musicals! (27 minutes)
Last season, filmmaker Kellen Blair followed the amazing journey of one team of writers as they created the musical CAIN AND ABEL: THE NAKED TRUTH, as part of ANMT's annual rite of passage, the 15-Minute Musical.
Kellen himself was the lyricist on this project, which allows an audience a rare behind-the-scenes look at what it's like to create a musical.
Follow Kellen and his collaborators Myrna Emata (bookwriter) and Madley Katarungan (composer) as they experience the highs, lows, tears and laughter of creating a brand new work of musical theatre.
To watch the documentary (via streaming!), CLICK HERE!
The writers of CAIN AND ABEL: THE NAKED TRUTH
(l to r: Madley Katarungan (music); Kellen Blair (lyrics): Myrna Emata (book)
That's my mama -- she looks pretty good for being 81, eh? (No worries, she's proud to brag!)
I was up in the Bay Area this past weekend and had a full day with my family, who I don't get to see very often or for very long. What a whirlwind -- Scott's in San Jose for a beautiful extended family brunch, the afternoon at Jeffy's house for siesta (of course!), Vietnamese dinner w/ him and Susan in Newark, mass at 8:00 pm, then a little walk to visit with Jo-Anne, Auntie Gloria and Uncle Joe. All the while got some great "live feedback from laughing Filipinos" on the Salo-Salo trailer to share with Travis -- who knew that "bawiin mo yan" ("take that back!") was such a hilarious line?! They all HOWL at the line... and my mom especially loves the heart-ripping out scene.
"Like an aswang!" she says (a witch).
Here are those San Jose munchkins that I adore, Stephanie, Kevin and Chris:
I didn't want to go to church -- who wants to go at 8:00 at night? -- but Mom was hounding me, so what the heck, it's Mother's Day, and I didn't think it wasn't going to kill me...
At the end of mass, Father Jeff asked that all the mothers and grandmothers stay standing and everyone else to please sit down. He was going to give all the mothers a blessing and our gratitude.
And as I sat, the tears just poured out of my eyes: I couldn't believe I wasn't standing, that I wasn't a legitimate "Mom."
I'm so very thankful for my wonderful nieces and nephews and godchildren... and still, that is a big "ouch." I think it always will be.
Happy Mother's Day.
I couldn't get a ticket last summer... but I saw it tonight and am so, so glad I did... even if it was after work and I was cold and... talk about being proud to work at The Colony now!
It caught me by surprise... Alan Mandell and Rebecca Mozo got an instant standing ovation... and I can't stop thinking about it.
Go see it. It's not often you see a play -- or performances -- about life like this. I've been inspired... and changed.
[FOR MORE INFO, check The Colony's website.]
Okay, The "Adobo Manak" Man, Travis Kraft, is at it again -- with a trailer for his new cooking surprise...
Only this time, yours truly was actually "working" this shoot -- that's me yelling "Ang guapo mo, Travis!" and also shaking a bit, TRYING to keep the camera steady on his arm while he's tying his shoe ;)
Enjoy... whaddya think?
