"Too Much in Love to Care"

Don't ask me if I'm in love, because that's not the point of this one. Well, sorta. That's another post for another day.

I'm doing some work on the computer right now and I'm losing it over this song from Sunset Blvd, a show I saw at the now non-existent Shubert Theater. I hated it... but the music has gotten to me.

Especially as I'm wondering what kind of frickin' show I'm working on next year... believe me, I'm worried about it. My outlining class begins in two days and I'm antsy to jump in again... doing the show and gave me a wonderful taste. I want the whole meal now!

People are teaming up, talking about stories, ideas, etc... and I'm hanging out there with some ideas I want to generate myself, so I'm waiting on getting collaborators... AARGHHHHHH! Be Thursday already!

In any case... I'm liking this song.

And hey, I just found an Australian documentary on Hugh Jackman playing Joe Gillis on youtube.com... would've loved to have seen him do this song (he talks/sings/rehearses it at 6:24 -- he was pretty young and perfect for it...



TOO MUCH IN LOVE TO CARE

BETTY
When I was a kid, I played on this street
I always loved illusion
I thought make-believe was truer than life
But now it's all confusion
Please, can you tell me what's happening?
I just don't know anymore
If this is real, how should I feel?
What should I look for?

JOE
If you were smart, you would keep on walking
Out of my life as fast as you can
I'm not the one you should pin your hopes on
You're falling for the wrong kind of man
This is crazy! You know we should call it a day
Sound advice, great advice
Let's throw it away

I can't control all the things I'm feeling
I haven't got a prayer
If I'm a fool, well
I'm too much in love to care

I knew where I was, I'd given up hope
Made friends with disillusion
No one in my life, but I look at you
And now it's all confusion

BETTY
Please, can you tell me what's happening?
I just don't know anymore
If this is real, how should I feel?
What should I look for?

I thought I had everything I needed
My life was set, my dreams were in place
My heart could see way into the future
All of that goes when I see your face

I should hate you
There I was, the world in my hand
Can one kiss, kiss away
Everything I planned?

I can't control all the things I'm feeling
I'm floating in mid-air
I know it's wrong, but,
I'm too much in love to care

JOE & BETTY
I thought I had everything I needed
My life was set, my dreams were in place
My heart could see way into the future
All of that goes when I see your face
This is crazy! You know we should call it a day

JOE
Sound advice

BETTY
Great advice

JOE & BETTY
Let's throw it away...
I can't control all the things I'm feeling
We're floating in mid-air
If we are fools, well,
We're too much in love to care
If we are fools, well,
We're too much in love to care!

Edited 7/8/07 to add video of Hugh doing Gaston in Beauty and the Beast... wish I coulda seen that!

All Done!

I wish I had a camera to take pictures of the beautiful flowers I got Lu, Mer and Heidi/Andrew... I feel blessed to have these much love in my house.

It's over. WHEW! Even MORE people there tonight, they were overflowing... and the casts were GREAT! So weird to have an opening and closing next to each other...

Jeff Marx said after the Tony awards he wrote a 12-page detailed account of his night so he'd never forget it -- and so he could share it.

But I can't write right now. I went to tonight's cast party, talked a lot, got intimidated a little, then couldn't stand being in my own skin, snuck out and talked to a friend from long ago who'd come tonight but had also been the very first reading of my very first play in its very first incarnation (there were four people listening and he was one of them). So he knew me "when" and he could speak specifics tonight, as well as SMACK. He calmed me down as I was parked somewhere in Sherman Oaks/Van Nuys... enough so I think I can lie down tonight and pretend to rest.

Actually, I got a little "emotional" seeing two actors walk off with each other tonight at the party... and I got an idea for show... so I'm going to jot some stuff down right now...

NOTE TO SELF: Why is it when I feel "emotions" -- I feel like the only relief or duty is to write/tell about it. Maybe I'm artist. Or maybe I just can't HANDLE all that drama... and I have to put in a show, in actors' mouths, to relieve myself of the pain...

Oops.

Okay... more later.

Congrats, Me!

One Show Down, One More to Go...

I'm very, very proud.

And then life gets normal again?

What IS normal anyway?

And I got a beautiful haircut.

Going Out of My Head

Last night I fell asleep (1) at the computer and then (2) in my living room chair, sitting up.

I'm feeling a bit loose in the old noggin' lately... I'm having a hard time relaxing, I hate lying down...

UGH. So I'm going out to play instead. Isn't 12:36 AM the magic hour anyway?

Health, Wealth, Love and Self-Expression

I can't even remember where I learned about that "four-square of life" -- was it Religious Science so many moons ago? In any case, I do remember that it's a way to check if your life is in balance. And what I figured out right now is that one box, the SELF-EXPRESSION one is full! Rich and so incredibly satisfying... this musical theater business is.

And guess what? That only shows you how incredibly OUT OF BALANCE all the other frickin' boxes are. All three of them...

I went back to my therapist after a few weeks off, and we'll have another few weeks off because of vacations, etc. We are also changing our time because I can't stand driving across LA for an 11AM appointment when I'm keeping these weird hours. But I did "reamed" this last time.

He said, "You know, I think it's time we really talk about what you came here for."

I curled up into a big ball on the couch.

"You're pretty much running your life the way you want it now, which is great and I have no judgments at all about it -- everything seems okay to you, and this musical theater actually makes you really happy. But you're not talking about what actually brought you here in the first place last year."

"Um..."

"I think you really want a relationship."

UGH. First thing I wanted to do is lash out: "No WAY! And I don't feel like to talking to YOU about it." But I'm no idiot... that was my first reactive and defensive thought. Next, it all came dripping out:

I cannot BEAR coming home to this lonely house anymore. It's not enough to just "long" for absolutely inappropriate and unavailable actors/muses. Or daydream about the great stories I'll tell through my music and plays... I'M ALREADY DOING THAT.

I want something real... A REAL RELATIONSHIP with someone who actually wants to be with ME... and that means I have to deal with the loathing of...

UGH, I can't even talk about it anymore. Barbra Streisand/Kristin Chenoweth's song "Nobody's Heart (Belongs to Me)" says it...

Nobody's heart belongs to me,
Heigh-ho! Who cares?
Nobody writes his songs to me,
No one belongs to me,
That's the least of my cares.

I may be sad at times,
And disinclined to play.
But it's not bad at time,
To go your own sweet way.

Nobody's arms belong to me,
No arms feel strong to me,
I admire the moon.
As a moon, just a moon.
Nobody's heart belongs to me today.

New Cain

It's been two weeks since we delivered our final draft and lots of things have happened since then... I'll catch up with it all later. (Going to a Tony Awards party and still debating whether or not I should slave over a hot stove and fry some lumpia...)

Went to my first rehearsal with and am so pleased to have met our new Cain, Brent Schindele. How did we luck out to get ANOTHER fantastic singer/actor -- the gods must be with us.

He's a whole different energy than Christopher Carothers, which didn't take long to get used to at all. But it does show me how DIFFERENT a role can be depending on the performer. I don't know if we would've written it any different if we'd seen Brent first -- he's quite the energetic one and very funny... Christopher was more "sensitive" and has a sweet quality to his singing -- but sadly, Christopher also never got a fully-realized script to work from.

Anyhoo, I'm quite pleased -- more than pleased -- with how the whole show is going. Michele Spears, our director is TERRIFIC, and gets that our play can handle all the "BIGNESS" (yes, it's that broad of a play... who knew?).

I was given a Christmas present last night of seeing the show "Wicked" again in Hollywood -- right after this fab rehearsal -- mind you, and I was in HEAVEN. I told Lu that I've never been so happy in my life -- I'VE FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING I LOVE, UNEQUIVOCALLY! It's such a relief -- and yes, such bliss.

I am so looking forward to this next week and sharing it with my friends and family... and I'm already brewing about my next project (after the recital, of course!). Brew, brew...

P.S. I'm not gonna fry lumpia -- I'll bring purple (ube) ice cream instead. Trying to stay stress-free!