Yo estoy LOCA!

In a message dated 9/14/2005 6:07:48 PM Pacific Daylight Time, Heidi Rose writes:

Did you have fun going out last night?
Love love---

Oh my god, Heidi, I'm crazy!!!

Nuts!

CUCKOO!

Bunch of us went out to dinner at Finn McSomethings (?) Pub -- D.B. Sweeney was there -- he's getting older, but still cute -- and Viv C spotted him first! :)

TL, Claudia (who's still in shock after two weeks having broken up with her guy), Anita, Patric, Viv C, Tracy and Eli. Nice time.

Afterwards, Viv C, Patric and I walked three blocks to a club called Mor that Viv G had disappeared to after the seminar -- it was a $2 cover so what the hey, we went to see if she was still there. She wasn't. It was techno, white people music but loud dance music still makes me want to shake my booty. But we didn't... we just sat for awhile, then walked to Viv's and my car.

And we stood out there in the parking lot -- for at least an hour! Good god, I felt like I was in college again -- a perfect night near the ocean and staying up yakking about sex and drugs and every stupid thing we'd ever done... and the possibility of every last thing in the world... it was all was fresh and new and full of hope...

I could have done him right there. I love cars. I love vans.

BUT I DIDN'T!

At 1:30 I drove him to his car and called it a night.

I was relieved to tell Viv we did NOT make out in the car.

Today, there was a last minute call for Anita's birthday at the Woodranch (at the Grove) where Mer works so she could serve us and give us major discounts. He sat next to me and we split a tri tip salad and a baked potato. TL was shooting me looks. And asks me out loud if we can straighten out money before class. (I still owe her a few hundred.) Good timing, TL. Fortunately she leaves early before I kill her.

At the end of the evening, we walked Anita and Viv to the elevators... he wanted to get a coffee and walk. So we walked.

But first he wanted to go to JCrew. (Not my favorite store. No clothing store is.) So we go in and he's looking for hats. He's looking at stuff... and I say that it would look good on him.

"Hey," he says, "you're flirting with me." (He didn't seem to mind it.)

GULP.

"Yeah. So? Why not?" I'm a Seven after all.

"Why are you doing that?" he laughs.

"Because I can." I have no idea where I'm going with this.

"Oh you can, huh?"

"Yeah! Because you're safe." OH GOD. Did I just tell a man he was SAFE? UGH.

"Safe. Hm."

End of that most miserable exchange.

AARGH! Fortunately the rest of the night was uneventful... he bought a coffee and we kept walking for a hour -- of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut now and I'm babbling at the mouth because I'm trying to redeem myself from "flirting with a SAFE guy."

It finally got cold and he walked me to my car. Big hug. Nice. He was feeling better... really struggling with ego v. core self (EGO is beating the shit out of him in anticipation of parents arrival) -- but was much lighter by the end of the evening because of me.

Nice. Nice to be around a handsome single, straight man willing to talk about life. And not just his.

I can't say I have a crush on him... it doesn't feel like that because I know it's futile. But I like his company... I'll miss him not in class.

But it surely has awakened a "need" -- this autumn that's coming in is hitting hard... like I've never experienced before. Longing almost... like a Four longs but without the deep angst. Melancholy... yet with hope.

Anyway...did I have fun?

Yes. Definitely yes.