"Event Planner" -- NOT

I'm in the crappiest, creepiest mode right now -- which is a bit weird since I had such a fantastic weekend learning about Esoteric Astrology with dear friend and expert Heidi Rose Robbins and then watching the Academy Awards a great party and winning $43.00 (okay, so I put in $37.00 to bet with, but it was fun winning it back!). I met some incredible people, did a lot of business, collected some $$ (yes, I am remaining incredible vague about details right now) -- the point is it's been lovely. I guess it stands that there's a 50/50 chance things could look up after that...

Anyhoo, I had a dream I was a substitute "Event Planner" for something happening in Los Angeles -- the original planner fell through and I happened to be there so, "Hey, let's get Madley to do it, she'll do anything!" UGH, I HATE THAT! I had to learn some weird folk dance to be on stage in six hours -- did I tell you how much I HATE those "actor's nightmare" dreams where you find yourself on stage in front of an audience and you have no bloody idea what you're supposed to be doing?!?!?!? ARGH!

So that's Part I -- learning this funky folk dance. Part II -- I'm in charge of the TALENT for this event... for some reason, I personally have to get Lionel Ritchie and Tom Cruise to the same event and prep them for two different entrances... AND I BLOW BOTH OF THEM, just a little tiny bit. (Did I mention before that although I'm really good at working with the Talent -- front of the camera, on-stage folks -- as well as high-level executives -- that I can't BEAR to do it anymore? Unless I love you to death, I don't want to "anticipate anyone's needs" anymore. BLEECH. I did that as a job for too long already... NO MORE!) Not enough that they hate me or I ruin the event -- just enough that I'm shakey about every little decision or choice I make about EVERYTHING.

Ah, well, that was the answer to that, now wasn't it?

One more thing about working for TALENT -- I can "anticipate their needs" and I have no judgment about their concerns or worries as crazy as they may seems -- because I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE TALENT. And their job is to BE talent, and whatever they need (short of being illegal), is what they need to do their very specialized job of BEING TALENT. No judgment there. But I'm not gonna doing that for a LIVING anymore... especially when I need to be in that seat myself now. UGH. (Okay. Talent Rant OVER.)

Right now, I'm furious -- two and half days out of town and my new seedling of a business is kicking my ass. This morning has been all about all one client... one who I've been originally a "trade" agreement with now, but now we're paying each other. Or rather, I'm paying her, but I'm a retard (sorry, that's not PC, but I can't think of a better word) and haven't been billing her... so of course I'm resentful about not getting my due... AAAAARHGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Whew, that felt better. I'll do my paperwork for her today and check in later. It really sucks to feel this bad. Especially since in reality, my life really is the best it's ever been.