Renaissance music and Yoda

I'm a little too wired and wound up to listen to my usually Showtunes channel on AOL radio -- if I hear anymore EVITA, SUNSET BLVD or PHANTOM OF THE OPERA I think I'll croak and curse the name of composer who shall not be named forever (A.L.W... BLECH!) So Renaissance music it is tonight... feels very calming, very REAL to me right now. I need settling down.

My stomach is a bit nauseous right now... I'd just taken some Advil at the movie theater with Viv C. at The Grove. We went to see Stars Wars after a HUGE Brazilian BBQ dinner (meat galore woohoo!) -- after a long Enneagram class studying #4s and on barely any sleep... I warned her if I started snoring she better tap me -- which of course she did in the beginning because I really didn't get any of it.

I think all the effects kinda made me sick too... I only really got into when Hayden Christensen got bad and Jimmy Smits appeared -- JIMMY SMITS? LOL I was a bit in shock there... the best part was watching YODA. (Not listening to him, all that backwards talk made me nuts.) He just reminded me of My Beloved Yvette:



(Boy, I miss you, girl.)

Mr. Hayden and Mr. Ewan were cute enough to watch... but that movie make me ill.

I'm a sucker for New Letters

I got this from flickr but don't exactly know the link to it... I think it's fun!

I did it!

Poor Laurie, has been waiting forever for this crazy piece... but after 2 hours, it's finally done, spell-checked and sent via e-mail. I was supposed to do something realy short -- 775 words, but OOPS, I went about 500 over.

Oh well, it'll give her a lot to cut... I hope it's something cohesive!

Lousy

Yeah, I'm feeling pretty rotten about myself lately -- stressed out and overworked, things falling apart all over the place.

I have to turn in a short article I've been avoiding for days, weeks, months it seems. I'm feeling so guilty I can barely stand to be in the same room with myself... so I'll just bookend here.

I'm finishing this sucker up -- I'll be back in one hour.

No Munchkins for Madley

No munchkins, but no menopause either ;)

At my last astrology class we were getting blown away -- or rather, dreamily swayed -- by the Virgo-Pisces evening, and for me, especially the esoteric phrase for Virgo:

"I am the Mother and the Child. I God, I Matter am."

Which I then proceeded to wonder aloud if I was pregnant. (I swear I must be the most irregular gal on the planet.)

Hmm.

But today I wrote my classmates back: "No babies -- but no menopause either ;)" And for once in a long while, there was absolutely no angst, no drama there at all. Very nice, very lovely.

On top of that, I got a nice e-mail back to boot from our 12th house stellium Lady L:

"That's okay - you didn't need the pureed peas all over your carpet anyway :)

"That said, you'd be a great Mom! Maybe we could organize a timeshare where we could cooperatively parent a child (you take Monday night, I'll do Tuesday night, etc)."

That was so nice to be acknowledged like that -- and funny too -- thanks Lady L! I don't know why that woman-of-all-women rite of passage passed me up -- especially since even as I youngster I wanted to be a midwife (I loved to visit the nursery at my mom's work) and I was good with kids too. But I know it's for some good reason -- and I just don't have to be sad about it anymore.

BTW, that's a photo of my mom and her eldest (me).

Look What I Did, Ma...

I DONE GOOD!

I read my piece about the quack doctor in the Philippines at Beyond Baroque in Venice last as the end of the session of Terrie Silverman's CreativeRites writing class... I was so proud of myself! Felt weak in the beginning and bit in the end too -- needed a little editing I think but got pretty warmed up doing Mom, Dad, etc. (Not bad for writing the open/close that afternoon... I changed my mind last minute about what I was going to read!)

Hell, other than that, I did everything I could to be prepared (nice comfortable clothes, hair straight, makeup even, and a highlighted black binder with my piece in it). I'd done my "Jack Nicholson walk through" at the show the night before -- apparently Jack checks out his venues and gets comfortable before he actually have to perform there -- and I KNEW I wasn't gonna read some loose or stapled papers there, nor was I going to sit.

I also was nervous because this was a Saturday class, and I kinda floated in all the classes because of my weird schedule and didn't feel like I belonged anywhere! So, I prepared my introduction for Terrie to read too, and took fairly good notes at the tech (where the hell was everyone at our call time at 6?!? Ridiculous!) But eventually... the whole thing was just such a natural thing to do... is that okay to say without bringing the wrath of the Compliment Spirits on me?! hahahah (Guess you had to be there.) I had a lot of (nervous) energy going in but calmed down once I started doing Mom. Who knew I had such stories?

Got a little too punchy on a few funny lines too... hopefully that slid by because I wasn't ACTING it, just doing voices (I don't profess to be an ACTRESS -- yet.). And got a GREAT note from R -- the characters were all clear and different, only one character needs a little help, she said... ME! hahahah I was in a good place so I could hear that well.

The variety of performers was amazing. We started with Carrie, a slightly disabled girl reading her piece in a bikini, Andrea's lonely lesbian pregnancy, then Meredith the Aspiring Mom feeling inept with her two under 3, then me. :) After me the great Elaine talked about how Rita Moreno saved her life, and then there was an exquisite reading from Alla, an older ex-ballet dancer and Jew from the former Soviet Union reading, "Katya." Oh, her energy and reading and story was just so LOVELY, I can't think of any other word (Heidi gets claim to the "exquisite" word)... so calm, so gentle and meaningful, I could have sat there listening to her beautiful Russian accent all night...

After Alla was Orna, who did an improv on a novel she's writing about a progressive Hansel and Gretl. It was quite unique, especially with her accent from Israel, and she kept talking about men as wolves and vaginas sucking their blood... UNIQUE is all I can say to that! Then Kathleen did a fun piece about how she got sick on the Back to the Future ride at Universal Studios and was WAILING... really cute! And for the finale...

At tech, I'd met a cute guy -- and saw him later with his terribly pushy wife -- hey I've seen that before, when Christian Slater's then-girlfriend Nina Huang was yanking his chain when he wanted to stay and pet my then-puppy Tyler in front of Sushi on Sunset. (Yes, I used to walk my dog on Sunset Blvd.) Pushy, protective: "Stay away, ladies -- and come on John, we have to go home!" Bleech. May I never end up like that with my husband! And he can stay as long as he wants to after he performs... geez. (Or at least I HOPE I'm not the overbearing, jealous, protective, moody...)

John was the only male in the lineup and he closed the evening by trying out some new comedy material he was gonna do in NY in a few days. Boy, was he good, I LOVED his comedy and we were all rolling -- talk about a pro. (Fuck that JFsucks site -- assholes). I loved the fact that his mom was a nun and his dad was a Franciscan brother -- too great a story! And when my friend R and I asked if he'd been on TV (he looked so familiar!) he said, "a few things here and there." Duh! Americ@'s Funniest H0me Video's replacement for Bob S@get with Daisy F. plus a lot of guest hosting and VH1 things. HUMBLE. (His name is John Fvgels@ang if you can figure that out -- I don't want any of this be searchable because I wasn't too nice to his wife up there -- and yes, Jeffrey, really familiar huh?! ;) Humble is good, I liked that -- and there was a nice handshake to boot.

Went out afterwards to the divey but tasty La Cabaña w/ CJ, Kathleen and Kathleen's VERY STRANGE friend Fern (I am being kind here). She was really pushy about my reading her hands at the table and dear CJ was politely trying to shoo her off so I could eat. She kept looking ouside herself for answers -- completely acting out her Lesson of POWERLESSNESS right there in front of us. Horrible horrible. She was also an astrologer/psychic who did readings herself but who never charged... (I did I mention she was in the school of Sacrifice?) Uh-oh, I shoulda known better. But I was feeling so annoyed I actually said go ahead, do ME now. And she was okay for "whip creme on catshit" as TL calls those kind of readers, but I know better, especially since I've been trained by the best in doing readings -- I take the best and leave the rest (cat shit). Learned later she dug hard into poor CJ... ooh, I hate people who don't know the effect they have on people when they read and end up beating peoplea their core. NOT GOOD. And because you haven't paid them... they don't take any responsibility for it. YUCK.

Before the show at dinner, I told R to remind me that if I really wanted to be "talent" from now on (after being below-the-line since forever), I was really going to have to act like it. NO having full days before performing. NO rushing to the theater, NO non-professionalism with my cohorts, and most of all, NO acting like an asshole to the below-the-line folks, but NO acting like one either. If you've ever been one, you'll know what this means -- think how a secretary acts when the boss is around... sorta.

[I remember once I told my cousin Hector that I hated when my cousins in the Philippines called me Ate, which means older sister/relative (but still your own generation). I said it made me feel old. He told me to just let them do it as their sign of respect to you... and the people younger than them will do the same, and that's the way it is so relax. I've never forgotten that, and now I LOVE when they call me Ate Madley! And recently, my 11-year-old niece was going to introduce met to her batch of different nationality friends and she whispered to me: "What should I tell them to call you? Madley? Miss Madley?" Not wanting to remain a "Miss" forever, I opted for Auntie Madley. hehehe I love that these non-related, mosly non-Filipino kids are going to be in their thirties someday and will still be calling me Auntie Madley... because that's the way it is.]

Anyhoo, the best thing: John F. saw ME perform... and I actually was talent tonight alongside him, not just an audience member. WOW, that felt good. I've come a long way and am pleased as pancit.

PS. Had two disturbing dreams last night: (1) That my youngest brother had deep dark, unbelievable secret he had to tell us -- he was dying of AIDS -- and if you know my brother, this is quite amazing and completely gut-wrenching; and (2) I was makin' out with tuba player and quarterback John Sutter again. WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?!

Good God...

I can't sleep! GRRRRRRRR

Hey There Astrology Classmates!

I told ya I give y'all a shout out — Viv, Kim, Louise, Mia, Elizabeth and Ms. Heidi!

BTW, here's a picture of of our dear Esoteric Astrologist herself, Heidi Rose, after her "The Alchemy of the Heart" talk last month. (You look MAH-VELOUS, dahlink!) Anyone out there in the blogsphere want an insightful, supportive esoteric astrological reading (in person or the phone) Heidi is the person for you (we all ALREADY know how fab she is)!

So, gals, after class, I was way too wired to go home to face the computer work (missed ya, Viv)... so off to the bookstore I went to buy The Alchemist. It's been on my mind lately... I'd read it before, but quickly and don't remember much. But for some reason, I think Sergio Mora ("The Contender") said he read it and boom, there I am in Barnes and Noble.

Grabbed it at 11PM and off to the coffee shop I went, highlighter in hand and munching on zucchini sticks until 2:25 AM... what a great read it was again, especially about one's own Personal Legend! And now I know I won't forget it... there was so much talk of the HEART, which is what Heidi talks about in her talk... hell, I didn't even realize people even COULD be full of HEART until I saw The Contender, when these rough-housing, full out boxers talked about each other having a lot of HEART. Soften the heart, listen to, strenghen it... Ahhhhhhhhhhh What does it all mean?!?!

Guess I'll find out at her workshop on the 11th. Can't wait.

Oh, BTW, fellow bloggers and classmates, take a gander over at THIS GUY'S blog! It's Heidi's husband, Andrew and his Triathlon Journal. He just put up his journal which is a great read -- send him a comment or two to encourage him to get back on the blog!

[Oh, and you can leave me one too :) See ya Monday!]

Hairy Hoser's Music Play

Hey y'all go over to my blog-buddy Hairy Hoser's Let the Music Play post and try and guess the song to the first lines on his PC (and tell him Madley sent you :) I'm usually good at that... but I guess maybe that was in the 70s! LOL Good luck and hope you do better than I did!

"She's GREEN!"

I'm Elphaba from Wicked! (Can't wait, Jeffrey, 6/29 I haven't forgotten :)

Actually I'm just in a piss-ass mood today. Hopefully better tomorrow... want to go to astrology class badly, just to connect with people again. Too much on the computer lately... and "feeling too much" to blog.

40 Questions Asked and Answered

[Stolen from One With Cat.]

1. My uncle once: escaped from the Japanese in the Philippines in WWII

2. Never in my life: got married

3. When I was five: I gave my Barbie a pretty bob haircut

4. High School was: the most I was "me" for a long time

5. I will never forget: the first time ;)

6. I once met: a french chef from Bora Bora on a red-eye to New York... that's a HELL of a story I'll write about someday.

7. There’s this girl I know: who can't wait to be a "real" lesbian -- she's looking for "butches" so you know any, let me know

8. Once, at a bar: I felt uncomfortable. I always do. Filipinos just don't do that ("where's the FOOD?"), and I can't stand the smell of beer.

9. By noon I’m usually: just waking up or still asleep

10. Last night: I was just a little bit miserable. I've heard it was Moon in Pisces blues. If anything, I remembered I had been forgetting about taking my Lexapro... and took one.

11. If I only had: a comfortable, steady income

12. Next time I go to church: will probably be when I'm around my parents

13. Terry Schiavo: too sad -- could barely stand to hear about it

14. What worries me most: I'll leave this planet without accomplishing what I should

15. When I turn my head left, I see: an air conditioner and pretty green plants covering the driveway fence

16. When I turn my head right: a kitchen that's inhabited by an 8-year old brat (me)

17. You know I’m lying when: I giggle (because you've already suspected.)

18. What I miss most about the eighties: living in NYC and weighing 121 pounds.

19. If I was a character written by Shakespeare, I’d be: Kate from "Taming of the Shrew" That'd be fun. However, DramaQueen in here would love to be Juliet stopping at the Lark/Nightingale scene and meeting her Romeo over and over again and never grow up... in reality, I'd only get cast as the Nurse. "A sail! A sail!"

20. By this time next year: I'm getting ready for another adventure... anywhere!

21. A better name for me would be: Vampira

22. I have a hard time understanding: Myself. And French.

23. If I ever go back to school I’ll: take theater and film and not worry about not getting cast because of my skin color. I'd just go be as BOLD as I was in high school.

24. You know I like you if: I can't stop talking with you or I start teasing you.

25. If I won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: Mom and Dad. Of course.

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Unique? Have no idea about Slim Pickens -- is that a real person?

27. Take my advice: teach your kids how to have a bedtime and put themselves to sleep. It's torture as an adult... my worst vice.

28. My ideal breakfast is: FREE! Anything with scrambled eggs -- steak, corn beef hash -- eggs benedict... Ooh, I also love DINNER at breakfast too. haha

29. A song I love, but do not have is: Old Devil Moon (I don't know why I have this THING for that song... a cute young fellow sang 10 years ago in a seminar I was called the Joy of Singing. It still sticks and I don't even really know what the heck that song is ABOUT! (Heya, love ya, Warren!)

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: hanging out with people who live here so you'll know the "real" LA. There's nothing to see, and none of it is in guidebooks.

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: Crisp and clear? LOL

32. Why won’t people: STOP TALKING about NOTHING!

33. If you spend the night at my house: it must mean I really like you to let you see me at my worst -- and that you're crazy to want to do it.

34. I’d stop my wedding for: a relative's untimely death... but other than that, the show goes on because it's been THAT LONG in the waiting! hahahha

35. The world could do without: Britney Spears, her mate and their spawn

36. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: lick the belly of a fat, ugly, hairy guy -- or girl! YUCK!

37. My favorite blonde is: Madonna, when she's blond.

38. Paper clips are: the best, especially all the different colored ones

39. If I do anything well, it’s: making a mess

40. And by the way... I never get tired of these things!

Brooke's 40th Birthday

In Blue Lagoon (1980) and this year with daughter, Rowan

I don't know why I remember these things (celebrity birthdays) — when I was in high school I always wished I was Brooke Shields. Or at least Brooke Shields LIKE. But damn if I didn't overpluck my eyebrows and they never grew back. Ever. To this day.

Anyway, I grew up with Brooke Shields... many, many ups and weird (Agassi) and awful (baby depression) downs, very human to say the least. It doesn't depress me that she's 40... it just reminds me to look back once in awhile and appreciate today. Happy Birthday, Brooke!

Happy Vivian Day!

I forgot to post these on Friday, her real birthday. Isn't this a happy picture? I took this a few months ago. Gave her a 5x7 in an big frame/mat so she could put it her new apartment in July. She should have lots and lots of happy pictures of herself in her house (unlike sus padres, there are more pictures of los perros than of las niñas... muy triste).

We had a lovely meal at a very traditional Mexican restaurant near MacArthur Park (scary) called La Fonda where these guys (there were about eight of them) played beautifully all night. I only knew one song — "It's Impossible" by Perry Como which they did in Spanish and it almost made me cry it was so damn romantic. Want a way to my heart? Serenade me!

I also had my first taste of mole which I think is a peanut/chocolate sauce — I've wanted to try this since Like Water for Chocolate and Chocolat! Who knew chocolate came from Mexico? I didn't! And this mole stuff was pretty darn tasty... I just don't like dry chicken breasts (oops). Can't wait to try it again.

Another fun part was playing in front of the restaurant with her friend Mando's homemade hula hoop (bigger and heavier — how old am I, I didn't know they did aerobic hula hoop classes nowadays!) . We were all crazy enough to try it — and the other Viv was terrific, just a sexy little mama hooping her way all night!

Then we went to House of Pies on Franklin for dessert -- can't beat splitting well-done french fries with ketchup and mayo with old-fashioned blueberry cheesecake... god, I'm exploding right now as I type.

But it was a happy MILESTONE ;) b'day for Missy... only great things ahead for you!

Steak and Green Beans

I usually HATE Sunday/Monday holiday nights... those in my head should be/are usually spent with family and well, for today, I don't have one of my own yet.

I wasn't sure I had a dinner date with a friend, then I got really busy on the computer... but heck, I wasn't gonna feel sorry for myself.

Broiled a steak marinaded w/ soy sauce, salt/pepper and orange juice (YUM!), green beans with a little butte, and a tiny little baguette. And I actually sat down and ate it, listening to my favorite Wicked soundtrack. Yes, I coulda passed on the little piece of bread/carb — it would have been a beautiful Overeaters Anonymous H.O.W. meal... but oh, poor me, I'm not on it anymore! HAHAH Only thing really missing was the steamed rice to soak up all the sauce...

Ben and Jerry's Phish Food later, when the tummy empties. Got some writing to do... take care of myself tonight...

No take it back. I'm feeling Wicked. Mean ugly, Wicked. I guess I'm angry, hurt... I'm sure I'll write about it someday or it'll be the good punchline of a joke. Not now.

HELP! What the hell IS this?

BullVenus! That's my name for it now, anyways.

I actually took a wrong turn down an industrial alley near my house and took this funky picture... of... a crazy creation! And yes, I do live in LA.

Does it have any significance in history at all, other than it's now appearing here in my blog? What do you think? What do you know? Oh please make something up for me — I love a good story!

Meeting Sergio — from Peru

Wow, amazing how a night can be so full and you've never even left your computer. Actually, it's nights like these I wish I had one of my pupsters around -- I NEED TO TAKE A WALK!

Just met I nice fellow on line through yahoo messenger... I don't usually answer IMs of folks I don't know anymore, but today I did. Ends up the guy lives in my town, on my street! So I'm flippin' out, thinking no way this is true... he tells me his name is Sergio and then for sure I'm thinking it's my friend L, who I watch The Contender with playing with me because of the winner, SERGIO MORA (see entry a couple of days ago). Come on now, how many SERGIOS are you gonna meet in one lifetime?!

But Sergio the Sound Editor is a nice-sounding fellow... and makes me laugh! The last thing I told him was that I miss my dogs, especially since I loved to take night walks... and he said I go to the corner and could walk him instead. HAHAHAHAH That cracked me up.

Nice evening. :) Now on to more website work...

A Class Act

So I just read her email... the woman is a class act and only asked for a bit of clarification.

I would have bit my ass off.

Okay, so today I work on her site and I'll give you all sneak preview. I refuse to sit in guilt anymore because the truth is it will be AWESOME when it's done.

Wake up!

It's 4:49 am and I just got up 10 minutes ago.

There's a message on my email from someone who's website has been the hardest one for me to complete and I don't know why. It's awful. I can't even open her mail right now because I feel so awful/terrible/guilty -- all of those things. I feel like it's going to kill me.

I do have note that for the last 12 hours I've been dreaming about Ilia and Katia and the Krew and all kinds of personal things, my brother gettiing his first communion/graduation (you know how these things get combined in dreams) and Peter Manfredo Jr.

Big, huge people and big, huge events and I feel about 2" high because of ONE WEBSITE. Oh god.

Let me open it now and I'll be back.

Threes

Thanks Allie for this one :) Guess I'm just not in a workin' place right now and I feel like doing quizzes and such...

Three names you go by
Madley
Mad
Shebe

Three screen names that you have had
msmadka
kostia (I think, it was a long time ago)
a "secret" one ;)

Three things you like about yourself
Great listener
Nice hair
Love to laugh

Three things you don't like about yourself
Weight
Not disciplined
Broke

Three parts of your heritage (HUH?)
Filipino
Filipino
Filipino

Three things that scare you
Ignorance
Some Chinese food
Drive-bys

Three of your everyday essentials
Lexapro
Toothpaste
The Internet

Three things you are wearing right now
Nightshirt
"Undergarments"
Pink nail polish

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists
Babs
The cast of Wicked
Luther Vandross

Three of your favorite songs
A House is Not a Home
Old Devil Moon
Unlimited

Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months
Graduating from college
Graduating from Hand Analysis
Getting a tattoo

Three things I want in a relationship
Growing
Laughter
Kindness

Two truths and a lie (in no particular order)
I had boyfriend from Australia
I took horseback lessons in New York
Yvette was named after a pug in a dream

Three physical things that attract you to the opposite sex:
Posture
Height
Hair (please look like you're from this century)

Three things you can't do without
People
Steak
Keyboard

Three of your favorite hobbies
Doing "makeovers"
Photography
Knitting

Three places you want to go on vacation
Switzerland
Italy
Turkey

Three things you just can't do
Keep cash in my wallet
Keep my house tidy
Get piss-poor drunk anymore (thank god)

Three things you want to do before you die
Get married
Weigh a "normal" and healthy weight for me
Ice skate so I don't break my neck (or anything else, for that matter)

Three celeb crushes (these are old, I don't think I do them anymore -- do I?)
Donny Osmond
Scott Baio
Greg Louganis

What color is your Heart?

Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

===

I'm actually surprised at this -- my answers to the questions were a bit scary to me - - I thought I'd have a black heart or something!

All this is quite coincidental, actually, as I just went to a talk that beautiful Heidi Rose Robbins gave called "The Alchemy of Love" and now I'm going to be doing the workshop too.



It's gonna be great -- try it you'll like it! -- and Heidi's such a wise teacher and energetic facilitator. Or at least watch my heart work its way back up from black... (ooh, such a cynic today)

Sergio Mora, The CONTENDER

I've been in a funk of late, pretty unable and unwilling to write, compose, clean... but obviously, not unwilling to keep up with my weekly TV date evenings with my friend, L, who has a terrific home entertainment system.

We love The Contender, and have been watching since Episode 2 and enjoying the backstories of these 16 incredible warriors. And yes, before you try to get me on the word "warriors" -- it's testosterone at its best and as a woman, it makes me feel SAFE. Period. (Don't try and push that one with me, I'm not in the mood and I've read too many message board discussions today to argue anymore.)



Our man, Sergio "The Latin Snake" Mora from East L.A. won a good, clean tournament with a bang-up job at the end against a favored Peter Manfredo, Jr. Honestly, I hoped Peter would win (he's a good cookie as well), but you know, it came down who really wanted it more. That was Sergio. (His buddy Alfonso Gomez was also the underdog, went up two weight classes and kicked butt in the bronze fight against poor Jesse. He wanted it BAD.)

But back to The Reigning Contender, Sergio. He's tall and lanky, with a good reach -- but what got me the most about him was he was SMART (he wants to use his BRAINS to change the world, now that his Mama doesn't have to work anymore!), he studied history, war strategy from ages, he has a beautiful lawyer girlfriend, he has pride in his family. He has focus and ambition, and guts and heart that just never quit. For example, he fought the two strongest power punchers (and strong characters too!) Ishe Smith and Jesse Brinkley -- but made them used their strengths against themselves. He ducked their punches (which apparently takes as much out of you as when your punches connect), and he also said that he knew they were gonna hit hard -- BUT HE WASN'T GONNA LET IT SHOW. Wow. Come on, look at those two -- skinny Sergio should have been squashed!

But he won against those two to get to the top -- and was the only one in the house to not have to hang up is gloves in the "graveyard."

Today, though, after watching boxing all day yesterday, I woke up in the crappiest, ickiest, foulest mood ever -- overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do for clients and dragged down by my inability to take care of myself and my own needs. AARGH! The story of my life.

But then I thought of cocky Sergio, how he pumps himself up and comes up surprising his opponent and everyone else except himself.

HE PLAYED HIS OWN GAME AND KNEW HIS OWN DESTINY. Unlike Peter Manfredo Jr., still boxing under Manfredo Sr's guidance -- once last night Manfredo Sr. even trash talked Sergio in the ring -- what, did he feel he had to help Jr. out? Poor Peter... time to grow up and out from under Pops.) Sergio answered to ONE man -- SERGIO.



So today, I made a plan. Play my own game. MINE. Not the way it "should" be played, not what others say is the BEST way to play it. The 24 hours in this day belongs to ME and what I want to do and accomplish -- know my own destiny.

And then I got pissed. Pissed and complaining... and funny, how that can bring out the true emotion of who I am. And yes, I can out swear any sailor, but who the f*ck really cares about that, if it gets me where the hell I need to be!

Can I be my OWN Contender? You betcha. Watch.

Meredyth's The Hail Mary Plan

I just finished the The Hail Mary Plan website for my friend, Meredyth. Please read -- and if you can, please pitch in a dollar or two to help alleviate her anxiety.

Meredyth's a wonderful, trusting and good woman — and she ended up helping A BAD SEED screw her over. (And yes, I'll call her a bad seed — I [thought] I knew her better than Meredyth did but surely didn't anticipate this miserable behavior.)

Here's the website with all the details: The Hail Mary Plan

If you can, please do! We'd all be so grateful to your helping to get Meredyth out of her stressful dilemma.

West Hollywood Tonics and Tea

I took my sorry flat arse to make-up writing class in Beverly Hills tonight, trying to get out of this writing funk I've been in for a week and a half or so. I usually hate to go to that side of that hill because I always feel like I have to look somewhat "hip" and "together" or at least have my hair washed and wearing a bra. HAHAH Obviously when I'm in Burbank/Glendale running errands errands I do neither — HAHA!

Anyhoo, go into this office building and think yikes, when's the last time I was in an OFFICE building? I just recently opened a new bank account and that was in a GROCERY STORE. LOL

Walk into class with a young, dressed down but hip married couple. There's are two gorgeous black women, the young one with beautiful braids and jewelry, the other a teeny bit older and just as pretty. Fortunately there are two folks I met in Pasadena when they were making up class and they say hi. Hi. I feel like crap. I wanna get out of here. This class is obviously full of real actors/writers and hip young Hollywood types, and I'm an old lady with gray hair I'm too cheap to dye and a fun new purple backpack on wheels.

I'm ancient and I feel gross. I'm surrounded by pretty people.

My first classes on the other side of the hill were at an Episcopalian church. All with wonderful women and I was the second YOUNGEST. And at this point in our lives, God had now bestowed us with ample breasts. My saggy ones felt very comfortable.

But I knew here it was gonna be hard to bring me out of the dumpster. Fortunately, the one consistent factor was my teacher, Terrie. THANK GOD!

She made me check in instead of going straight into the reading so I could bitch and moan about not having fun/discipline/self-worth to continue, but someone told me to just show up... and already I'm thinking I feel better already. I'd given feedback to people who'd gone before, but I knew they still didn't know me yet, so who knows if they heard it or not.

Blasted away, I just read something I wrote April 24. A RANT about having Jupiter Mate Selectors in my hands and how I surround myself with Jupiterian type folks so I don't have to look at my own Power, Passion and Confidence...

WHOA, it was better than I thought, and I felt pretty okay as I read it. Afterwards I got to answer a barrage of quick questions (so I don't overthink) and the bottom line was I fucking outed myself as to what my "dream" was. TO DIRECT FILMS.

Yikes, it still feels weird to say that, but it's great to get that shit out there. More later.

Nero and his Pops

OOH, that scrumptious little ball of short-legged fur! (he's half Corgi and half German Shepherd)



Them legs are never gonna get longer, but they sure are gonna be as cute!

I'm living vicariously now through other people's dogs since Yvette died March 26. Oh, I just counted forty days since then (May 5) — so it's okay now to let her spirit "go."

So, as in the movie musical "Damn Yankees" -- "Goodbye Old Girl!" Bye, my sweet Yvette... I know you and Tyler are up there hanging out waiting for me at that Rainbow Bridge — don't worry, I'll be along soon enough :)

Although it been 15 years that I've been used to having one or both of them greeting me happily when I got home, I'm actually getting used to being a dogless family now. I do have to admit it's hard to get me out to take a walk, or do something in the sun or in nature unless I really set myself up for it (you know like park far away from where I'm supposed to be), so I have to incorporate more purposeful walking in my day again.

And I really miss my midnight (or 4:30 am) walks. The world is weird at that hour, and magical at the same time... I especially miss Yvette at night. While I'm on the computer she'd always be near my feet or under the desk and I'd scrunch her all up with my toes... hehehe hairy furball. Every now and then I'll kick a shoe I forgot I left under there and instantly my body would go, "Yvet—"... and then I'd remember. THAT will always sting a little. I miss my old girl.

But it's not time for me yet to get another poochie. I'm gonna enjoy this time without the commitment and wait til I can get a bigger place and maybe a man to go in it too. :)

In the meantime, I'm happy to be Auntie Madley to all my friends' beasts... including baby Nero.

Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer

Rumor has it that Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, is going to be on OPRAH, today, Monday, May 9th because she and Stedman have a deep dark secret about their dogs... CHECK IT OUT If you have a dog, you won't regret it.


I'm proud to say I was privvy to a session he had with a friend and her vicious, ruled-the-roost llasa apso. Yes, I'm dropping names... but I'm just so excited about incredible he was then and knowing that he is so successful now. He has his own TV show on the National Geographic Channel The Dog Whisperer and his own Cesar Millan's Dog Psychology Center in South Central Los Angeles.

I'll have to write later about that session we spent with him — it was amazing to see in person — but in the mean time, here's more about what he's about. Congrats Cesar!

Cesar's Philosophy

In the wild, a dog's survival depends on a strong, stable, and organized pack where every member knows its place and follows the rules established by the pack leader. The pack instinct is perhaps the strongest natural motivator for a dog.

Cesar Millan teaches that to be an effective owner, you need to become your canine's calm, assertive pack leader. A dog that doesn't trust its human to be a good pack leader becomes unbalanced and often exhibits unwanted or anti-social behaviors.

Cesar does not train dogs in the sense of teaching commands like "sit," "stay," or "heel"— he rehabilitates unbalanced dogs and helps "re-train" their owners to better understand how to see the world through a dog's eyes. Cesar counsels people on how to calmly, assertively, and consistently establish boundaries and prove to their dogs that they are solid pack leaders; this helps to correct and control unwanted behavior. He doesn't believe in "quick fixes," even though changing some behaviors can appear to happen in a relatively short time. None of those changes will stick, however, unless the owners work consistently with their dogs. Cesar uses a stern voice and a calm, assertive touch to correct unwanted behaviors. In his opinion, rehabilitation never involves yelling or hitting a dog.